Porn

[Carol19578]

This morning I started using our iPad and found my partner had been watching porn,we have had a row, I cant stop crying, he has not wanted to get intimate with me for about 5 years and I feel this might be partly why,,he is very upset and apologetic and perhaps I'm overreacting but I feel so sad not sure how to tackle or what to do ,help

@Carol19578
Is it the porn that bothers you, or the fact that he hasn't had sex with you for 5 years?
I suspect that the latter is the issue that actually needs dealing with.
As always, you can either ask him why he's not having sex and see if it's an issue you can work together to solve (or compromise on) or you can leave him.

I feel a serious and frank conversation is needed between you and your partner. I doubt porn is really the issue here. It's probably a symptom or a part of a wider issue. You need to sit down and have an adult chat.

Sorry to hear this, Carol. Five years is a long time - presumably you’ve talked about this? What reasons did he give?
If he’s watching certain types of quite extreme porn, it may have affected his normal sex drive in the sense that he has become lazy and needs increasingly extreme stuff to get there which he don’t find in real life.
Or it could be that he has real life performance anxiety / ED and is using porn to try and get it back?
What kind of thing was it?
I think most men do watch porn to some extent, to be honest. Not all obviously, but most. But it’s one thing watching so-called girl-in-girl stuff, quite another watching violence.
Personally, I think the whole industry is sick and no doubt exploitative in most cases, but you get loaded of porn- apologists on here any minute.

I think there's a well proven link between a man's use of porn and the regularity of mastubating and a reduction in desire for sex with a partner.

Time to speak openly and frankly with him. Try not to be too judgemental and you might find it helps resolve the issue a little.

Found this puzzling www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57143746

I think it's reasonable to expect that most men use porn. It would be naive to think that your DH wasn't using it.

Men are allowed to use it as long as it's legal porn, but as it's affecting your sex life, YANBU.

I also voted YANBU because I hate porn with a passion. What's so attractive about it? I find it revolting!

Zombie thread alert

The porn alone - I wouldn’t be bothered at all. But if you’re not sexually active as a couple for that long, but he is sexually actively alone using porn then I’d be upset too.

I think that is the bigger issue that needs addressing though, you need to know why. Does he have an issues medical or mental that could explain it?

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