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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask for success stories in treating OCD / health anxiety by proxy?

4 replies

Worriedcoronamum · 22/06/2020 11:35

Won't go into details because that will get into reassurance seeking which I think reinforces that, but been diagnosed with health anxiety by proxy and have a close to relentless background soundtrack of intrusive thoughts about my daughter's development - all seems real to me but no one including her dad, GP, people I have to trust know more than me remotely worried.

I've had something similar when pregnant and on reflection always had a tendency to anxiety that has just sky rocketed during lockdown. Extremely lucky to have managed to get CBT on the NHS, 12 sessions of which so far had 1 introductory one and one explaining principles of intrusive thoughts and anxiety and on 3rd week of sertraline.

I definitely feel less desperate and terrified 3 weeks into meds and knowing I am getting help but haven't felt properly relaxed or calm for over a month and just hoping someone here might have been in the same boat and have a success story. I really trust the therapist but not really been comforting so far so much as explaining how things work, just don't want this to be my new normal because it's really no life.

OP posts:
Cheeseoncheese · 22/06/2020 21:43

Hi OP Smile different situation in that I suffered from health anxiety/OCD mainly focused on myself, but read this and wanted to reach out with my success story and to say you can 100% do this. I had the anxiety for about 11 years before I finally accepted I needed help (had some negative experiences with therapy as a teenager, but I now know so much has changed since then) and started therapy about 18 months ago. My anxiety was often severe to the point that over the years I didn't attend periods of education, took time off work and it took a major toll on my quality of life in many, many other ways. I couldn't see how I would ever be rid if it. Anyway, my therapist was amazing, I connected with her and trusted her - I'm so glad to read that you really trust your therapist, the connection is so important - and the therapy I had (mainly CBT) was incredibly effective. It wasn't always easy, but I felt SO supported. I can honestly say now that I am the happiest and calmest I have ever been in my life. And I know that if I ever have a little 'blip' I have all the tools to get myself back on track again. Flashback to before therapy and I could never have imagined being so free of all the horrid thoughts, rituals, panic attacks etc. But I am. I truly wish you all the best, you've got this Flowers

Worriedcoronamum · 23/06/2020 08:10

Thank you so so much! I am so happy for you and cautiously more optimistic - I’m so sorry you suffered for so long, this stuff is so cruel and I think only more recently better understood too. This means so so much, thank you - onwards and upwards! X

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 23/06/2020 09:15

Hi OP, I just wanted to say, having been the child in this situation, it's so refreshing to know that (1) this has an actual name now and (2) people can get help for it.

Once I reached adulthood, I always characterised my situation as a 'Munchausen-by-proxy kind of thing' or 'yeah, my mum's a bit Munchauseny like that' but I knew it wasn't quite that - health anxiety by proxy is exactly what it was!

As an adult I have learned more about DM and understand that what I saw as extremely controlling behaviour growing up actually comes from a place of huge anxiety for her. And not just health-wise - she came across as completely unhinged when I started going out as a teenager (listening to my phone calls, confiscating my car keys, following me on dates, etc). In her head, it was all to try and keep me safe and she was genuinely terrified for me, but her anxiety went completely unchecked and she lost all perspective.

Our GP noted it on my medical records when I was a child (IIRC he described her as 'overbearing'), but didn't intervene or say anything to her (I mean, drs were sharp with her and admonished her, but didn't actually suggest she might have an issue or actually help either of us - it was a different time).

Medical appointments were always really stressful (and often quite hostile) - I used to dread them, even when I started going on my own as I felt like the boy who cried wolf by that point. I often just didn't bother going, and even now I find it hard to advocate for my own health. Medical professionals ask 'why did you leave this so long?' 'You've been living like this for ten years and never thought to go to your GP?' I make some excuse, but I know why.

I can't tell you how great it is that you have the self-awareness to recognise your anxiety and have had the presence of mind to do something about it; it's the absolute best thing you can do for your DD and she's incredibly lucky to have you!

It seems like it's still early days for the Sertraline to kick in, so give it time. Have you tried meditation? Theres an app I really like called Simple Habit - it has normal relaxation things, but also mini-CBT courses for all sorts of topics: anxiety, parenting, stress, etc. I love it and my DD also finds it very helpful for her severe anxiety (circle of life!).

One thing I think that might also help around your DD is a bit of 'fake it till you make it', trying to come across as a bit more chilled around her, even if you're not feeling it inside. Not checking her over and consulting books (or I guess the internet nowadays) when she's around will help her, as I know my DM doing the opposite caused me a lot of stress and anxiety!

Good luck - what you're doing is so amazing for your DD and you'll both be fine! Thanks

Worriedcoronamum · 24/06/2020 16:44

@LonginesPrime that is such a generous story to share - I’m so sorry you and your mum had those experiences. I hugely appreciate your advice and can also relate to a degree - my own lovely mum was very very anxious about some aspects of my teenage life in a way I now realise was symptomatic more of unhealthy fears than normal parental concern - and I do see the impact it had and that I could have in turn. Think it’s all better understood now - the man I’m seeing is at the Maudsley which seems to be a real centre for getting this stuff.

Thanks so much again - really appreciate your time.

OP posts:
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