To not bring up issues because it’s Fathers Day

[Essex16]

So I’m not sure how much to say so that I’m not drip feeding but equally not giving my bloody life history 🤦🏻‍♀️
DH and I have some issues which arose when our DD was born (she’s 4). My opinion was that he just stuck to his normal routine or did things he thought need doing instead of the things I needed help with or asked him to do (he’d do them but just treat it as second priority). It all came to a head when DD was 2 and we had a big discussion about it and he said he’d work on it....i don’t think he’s changed but I do think he’s more mindful of it 🙃
Fast forward to now and whilst he absolutely loves DD the way he acts sometimes really irritates me. He whinges if she wants to play with loads of toys, whinges if she wants to jump in a puddle, gets in a flap if she makes a mess. He just seems to view these small things (to me) as something much bigger. I feel like he talks down to her too. If DD is doing something we don’t like I would try and talk to her in a nice way whereas he would be more likely to get irate and talk to her with an attitude. Just now they had a kerfuffle because DD wanted some beef & onion crisps but he said it was too early and she could only have Pom bears. I mean what the fuck, if it’s too early for crisps then fair enough but what bloody difference does the flavour make. I tried to talk to him about it but being Fathers Day I’m trying time make it a nice (argument free) day. I know these are all little things but it is constant all day. I didn’t have the best dad growing up either so I don’t know if my judgment is skewered from my upbringing and my DH is acting perfectly normal?

Anyone who complains about kids jumping into puddles is an idiot

He’s not acting normally. He sounds like a petty bully.

You sound like an incompatible couple. Is their tension in the house a lot? An atmosphere of animosity? That's what will do the damage.

There not their

He’s not acting normally. He sounds like a petty bully.

Good summary.

I actually think your crappy childhood experiences mean you have set the bar way too low and have accepted four years of shit treatment as a result.

I feel sorry for your poor little girl having her dad treat her like this all the time. If the crisps thing is a headfuck to you as an adult, what's it like for a four year old?

His behaviour isn't normal.
Your poor daughter

The crisp thing is especially weird.

Why doesn’t he want her to have the beef and onion crisps? Either he’s bagsied them and won’t share, or the others ones are lower calorie and he’s trying to restrict her intake perhaps? Which doesn’t make sense as crisps are crisps, surely it would be better to not have crisps at all if that’s his aim.

Father's Day isn't carte Blanche for him to bully his DD. Bullying needs to be called out on whenever it happens. He doesn't deserve to have a special day on Father's Day if he keeps bullying her, he doesn't even deserve to be a father.

I've personally always hated Father's Day admittedly because of the kind of father I had. I'm getting past that now, as obviously my DH does deserve to have a fuss made of him, so they give him cards and we normally go out for a meal as a family.

I never understood how some people expected their young children to act like boring sensible adults. Jumping in puddles and eating crisps (whatever the flavour) is part of being a kid. As is making a mess and playing with lots of toys.

Perhaps don't mention it again today to save the argument but I would definitely be speaking to him again about it properly . Perhaps one of his own parents were like this when he was growing up? Not an excuse but somthing he could think about and try to change.

The pom bears are probably alot lower in sat fat and salt so I can understand why he did that however the rest is crazy! Kids need to make a mess and jump in puddles and have fun! It's all part of childhood. I am also wondering if his own childhood has caused this....maybe his mum never let him get dirty or do messy play? Its not an excuse at all though I would be having a word with him too

Does he struggle with mess and things generally. It's all very well saying children need to make a mess etc. but if he wasn't raised that way and you don't have much space then constant toys all over the floor can be grating. Muddy puddles and dirty clothes ditto.

He definitely needs to get his head around it and make sure his daughter comes first but I don't think that in and of itself makes him a bad person.