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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awkward work colleague

11 replies

Patbutcherismyhero · 21/06/2020 11:14

About 2 years ago I started a new office job and was lucky to be put into a team with some great women, my own age who I have a lot in common with. I really hit it off with two of them in particular and we would socialise outside of work. I would class them as close friends not just colleagues.

About 6 months after I started another lady, let's call her B, came back from maternity leave and it became clear quite quickly that her nose was very out of joint with having a new person - me - in the team especially because I get on so well with the others. I know there was a bit of bitching, coldness and B trying to instigate a lot of gossip about my private life. I tried to be the bigger person and ignore it. She's done a few things to try and embarrass me too.

Now we are all working from home we have a WhatsApp group chat with the whole team to keep in touch. I felt that B was either ignoring anything I put or picking fault and starting debates over it. For example the recent BLM protests.

I got sick of it so I've just started ignoring her. I've never done anything to her to deserve this obvious dislike. As soon as I stopped engaging she started messaging me privately asking if I have a problem and being really nice! I just don't know how to deal with this school playground stuff. It's hard for me as she is part of my team and has known the others a lot longer than me. I don't want bad feeling when we eventually go back to work but she is pissing me off with this childish and petty behaviour. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Sometimes123 · 21/06/2020 11:37

I think you're doing the right thing by ignoring her. She obviously feels insecure about something, but don't let it become your problem and don't retaliate. Just accept that she's got something going on, be nice, and try not to take it personally. Hopefully , eventually she'll accept that she needs to find more constructive things to do with her time.

Patbutcherismyhero · 21/06/2020 11:50

Thanks. It's just when she starts messaging me asking if I have a problem (me!) I feel obliged to answer and then pressured to say the right thing. One way or another I think she's pushing for a row with me so she can have a legitimate reason to dislike me.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 21/06/2020 12:08

Just answer "no, no problem. Can we keep work chats to the group chat though please"

NeutralJanet · 21/06/2020 12:11

Just continue to ignore the goading and kill her with kindness whenever you have to interact with her, don't give her any reason to cause drama and she'll get bored.

northernlittledonkey · 21/06/2020 12:14

Agree, kill her with kindness. It’ll completely disarm whatever she’s trying to build up & all through the WhatsApp team group. Reply to her as someone outlined above, no problem. Ignore her rants, she’ll soon get bored.

PersonaNonGarter · 21/06/2020 12:16

Don’t ignore her - that is rude. Just engage with her as you do with all your colleagues.

HH160bpm · 21/06/2020 12:17

Be bland. No of course not.
Don’t ignore her but don’t be more than bland in your responses in group or other chats.

borntohula · 21/06/2020 12:18

I can't believe grown adults behave like this. Keep rising above it.

Toilenstripes · 21/06/2020 12:20

I would ignore her. Don’t respond to people who play games. Grey rock.

GreyGardens88 · 21/06/2020 12:20

Oh offices, playgrounds for adults. They make me want to take a £25,000 pay cut and hire a workshop and make candles on my own for a living

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 21/06/2020 12:33

@SeasonFinale's suggestion is the perfect response.

You shouldn't be manoeuvred into private contact with her - you're right she'll use the opportunity to deliberately misunderstand you and start a row, presenting herself as the victim. Keep it in the public space where everyone else will see what she's up to.

If she pushes on the WhatsApp group, just say "I'm sorry, but this is not the place for this kind of discussion."

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