To try for 2nd baby now or wait?

[fallon92]

So we have a dd (2.3) and I've always envisioned a 3-3.5 gap. But I've just realised that.. that means I have to start trying now! Like make an appointment get the implant out NOW ... for that age gap to happen.

But I really do not want to be pregnant? And I'm quite happy with how life is right now. I finally have my evenings back and sleep and dd is becoming independent. But will I also regret it next year if I haven't tried?

What do you think a good age gap is? Do I just get on with it or wait?

It depends on your circumstances. How old are you? How much energy for a newborn would you have if you wait 5 years? Would the kids have to share a room? (Better a 2yo sharing with a 5yo than a 10yo).

I wanted a 2 year gap, but ended up with a 3 year gap as it took a year to conceive (my age is a factor). I wanted to get all the sleeplessness over at once rather than getting life back to normal then having to readjust again and I wanted the children to be close enough in age that they can play together rather than the older one having to babysit the younger.

I wanted a 2 year age gap but then encountered awful secondary infertility and had 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured ectopics and now permanently infertile. I'm finally newly pregnant after 5 rounds of IVF and 4 transfers. DD is 4 now.

Im an extreme case but I wouldn't put it off to be honest

Also apparently it's impossible to get an appointment for coil/implant removals at the moment and you could wait months to have it out (or have to pay to go private)

Depends on how much you really want a second child. I left it and left it some more. I loved having my life back and we decided one was enough.

Supposedly 4 years is the ideal age gap.

I was due to have a 4 year gap if I hadn't miscarried. Now itll be 4.5 if I manage to conceive again quickly. I'm concerned about the room sharing if I have a boy as I have a daughter but these things happen.

Also I was unsure about a second one until I fell pregnant. Had been off contraception for a while though but didnt think it would happen again. Now I know I want another one

We've been ttc since I got my period back when DS was 22 months. He's now 3.5 years and nothing as of yet. Not surprising, really, but my gynaecologist just wanted all the tests done again and everything checked again. (DS took four years and we eventually conceived with the help of the fertility clinic.)
We moved house and are living on a building site. DS's and our new bedroom will hopefully be ready by Christmas.
I've also just changed jobs and I'm on a temporary contract, so getting pregnant right now might not be ideal. However, I'm also not getting any younger and life will go on either way. I know we can make things work whatever happens. (DS would like a brother and a sister...and a kitten...ahem...yeah...)
If you don't feel ready, yet, then wait. It does depend on your circumstances and your age.

I think if you don’t want to be pregnant now, don’t do it. Unless you’re really up against it from a time perspective, there’s no need to rush into it - your happiness and wellbeing is more important than having a perfect age gap (which might not work out even if you do start trying now).

See how you feel in 6 months and revisit the decision then.

I don't think there is any such thing as an "ideal" gap. All children are different, as are the dynamics in each household. There was an 11 year age gap between my brother and I which worked really well, yet I've seen posters on here saying they think 5 years is too much. I always thought the 3 or 4 years that people often aim for is more financial as you get the 30 free hours for the 3 yo or they are at school, meaning you still only pay one lot of childcare fees, rather than it being the best gap iyswin. If you don't want to be pregnant then that's fine! There's no rush or even need to have a second if you are happy. Depending on your age, I'd say if you are 20s or early 30s you could easily wait a year or 2. Older than that, maybe enjoy the rest of this year and start ttc after Christmas. Or maybe 1 is perfect for your family! But either way, getting pregnant if you don't really want to seems a bad idea.

I don’t think there is an ideal gap. I think it’s just a personal feeling. I’m expecting in November when our dd will be 2.5. I didn’t wanted a much bigger gap because I want to get all the baby bits done close together. The longer I leave it the harder I felt it would be to go back to the baby stage. Was due to be 2.2 gap but I miscarried at Christmas.

I think 3-4.5 years is a good age gap. Younger than 3 and the elder child is still very dependent and you would need a double buggy etc. Older than 4.5 and it will be harder to find things which they both enjoy and harder to share a room.

I was not sure about having a second baby when it came down to it. I wanted a 3 year age gap but when DD was 2 I was thinking how great she was, how I didn't want our relationship to change, whether it would affect her negatively if i had a difficult pregnancy or disabled child.

However i knew in the long run i would regret not having a second as it was always my plan. DD2 arrived 2 weeks after DD1s third birthday. She is 12 weeks old now and seeing them together is so joyful.

You may want to enquire about implant removal now even if you arent sure yet. There is probably a long waiting list due to things like that being put on hold during the pandemic. My friend was getting awful mood swings and headaches from her implant but they wouldnt remove it as it was "non urgent"