To hope that SIL giving birth will heal family estrangement?

[Apossibility84]

Has anyone had situation where family has been estranged but a new baby has brought the family together?

Desperately hoping that brother’s new baby will heal family rift.

Oh for goodness sake, contact your brother say I'm sorry I said very hurtful things to you, I was angry, I really miss you. Without expecting an apology back, you can't control others' feelings or behaviours but you can control your own and you want to be in his life, is your pride or being 'right' worth losing a previously close relationship and now potentially a niece too? You could even say the fact there's a new baby on the way has really made you think about things and you realise you don't want to lose the relationship with him.

Don't put that pressure on a baby. Or, brush anything under the carpet. Look at what you said and did and opologise for that with sincerity.

Heal the rift with your brother first. Then don't expect to go swooping in for newborn cuddles, you haven't been close and may be seen as intruding. Maybe send a gift for the baby and something for the mum, then look to visit when things are more settled.

mine did.....but my baby.
I was NC with my parent for about a year - I knew my parent wanted to meet my baby, and I left it for about 6 weeks then knocked on door.
I simply said I hear you want to meet baby....we never spoke of reason for being NC, we are LC now, but have not had a cross word since. Parent bites tongues I guess and stays on neutral topics - mostly the baby who is now 8!

its different for you because there is not motivating factor for your brother and SIL....they could shut the door in your face - unless SIL has dreams of baby having a doting aunt....
you can try but don't be devastated if you are rejected x

I don't think any pressure should be put on a new baby or family to heal rifts. Whoever was involved in the rift should discuss it.

I’m desperate to be a part of my niece’s life but can’t bring myself to actually engage on the argument that took place (neither can my brother), so just hoping that birth may lead to it being swept under the carpet?!

You need to talk to your DB.
SIL and I haven't spoken for a few years. Tbh I will never like her again and my child will not be around her, she is completely toxic. But if she just thought she could be a part of my child's life with no apology to me then she would be incredibly wrong.

What @HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight said. Honestly, OP, exhausted new parents, crazed with sleeplessness, aren’t going to be magically all peace and love, probably the reverse. I’d have started WW3 or sacrificed my entire family to Moloch to get a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep when DS was a newborn.

If you don’t know your sil then chances are you don’t feature in her plans for who she wants around her baby. At best even if you apologised to your brother you would only be someone who visited occassionally at best.

Not rtft.
My ds now 2 healed my relationship with my in-laws.

We’d gone nc with bil & sil and very low contact with mil & fil for a good two years previous. The things that happened to make us go nc/lc we’re just awful. Sil was especially toxic.

I made a one strike they are out rule with dh when ds was born. Which he fully supported because he knew how badly in-laws behaviour had effected my mental health and knew how big what he was asking me to do was.
I prepared myself and decided to just forgive them, even if they weren’t sorry for the hurt they’d caused dh & I. (They did apologise to me)
I also decided to take no shit and be honest instantly instead of letting things things get to me.

Credit where it’s due they all made a effort to. There has been some bumps but nothing terrible and two years on sil is one if my favourite people in the world she’s a wonderful aunt, funny & kind. I never knew that about her previously. Mil & fil are amazing grandparents who adore ds. We see them weekly (ish) and hand on heart I love them and I think they love me too. Im even thinking (THINKING) about moving to be closer to them. If anything happened to me mil is first in line to get ds. It’s crazy that I’m writing that because 3 years I’d of never in a million years believed it.

Say sorry, mean it. Change whatever it was that caused the hurt/rift and forgive.

Personally I would be quite angry if someone had not been involved in my pregnancy and then expected to show up and have involvement in my child’s life. Way to make SIL feel like a uterus for hire!

The baby won't heal it, but maybe you can. Be honest, text your brother. Say you know things have been difficult, you miss him and you really want to be part of his/SIL/baby's life. "We're both stubborn" is an excuse - what's more important to you, being stubborn or having this relationship?

Apossibility84

Fair enough.

When my SIL had a baby, it made no difference at all to her DHs family estrangement

In that case OP, send your DB a message. Cast your stubbornness aside, say ‘no matter how you feel about me, I want you to know that I care for you as much as I did before That Day and for my own part, I am sorry for the upsetting things I said, I am proud of you becoming a Dad, and I wish you all the joy in the world “.

No ifs, no buts, no ‘but you said that...”, just speak for yourself, unilaterally. His choice whether he also drops his own stubbornness.

A baby won’t magically put right the behaviour of two stubborn adults.

Take action . Olive Branch. Humility.

It really really depends on what happened.
If you want this to work. Then you will need to work for it. At present he has something you want. So how far are you willing to go to try and get it?

A baby won't magically fix your issues with your brother

Why is it that you’re desperate enough to be in your niece’s life to get past this argument - but you weren’t desperate enough to get past it to be in your brother’s? I’d be unimpressed if I were him - you are more interested in a cute little baby that you’ve (obviously) never met than you are in your own brother.

Why is it that you’re desperate enough to be in your niece’s life to get past this argument - but you weren’t desperate enough to get past it to be in your brother’s

This!

Can't you just text asking "Can we let bygones be bygones? I miss you, and would love to see you again."

God, just swallow your pride and apologise for the argument and express your wish to move on.

I think it's really shitty to try and repair things just because of a baby. I would feel like you didn't care about me at all. My BIL and SIL are useless at keeping in touch, haven't seen or heard from them throughout my pregnancy. I know they will want to rock up and 'meet the baby' as soon as she is here because their children will want to, but they can shove off. They'll be bottom of the list, and not just because they have a disregard for lockdown rules.

How pregnant is SIL? I think if she's very pregnant you need to send a gift and no more, and slowly make an effort with your brother. Don't bring up your niece as a reason to get over the issue. Don't expect to be welcomed with open arms, you will have to earn that right.

My dad's parents didn't speak to him for two years after my parents got married until I was born. I had no idea there had been a rift till my dad told me when I was 18.

If you love him and he’s usually a positive in your life- reach out to him what do you have to win by being stubborn? If it was just the tip of the iceberg of him abusing you then maybe assess if your life is better without him.

Someone has to make the first move.
Why can't it be you?

Apologise to your brother. I mean, you can't really expect to be part of your niece's life but not your brother's, right?