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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you still social distancing with close families?

134 replies

Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 15:34

Above says it all? Those you don’t live with..

Haven’t actually seen my family in 3 months now. Have been over to in laws but social distancing in garden so they can see grandchildren. They are cool with that as one of them is vulnerable (not shielding but vulnerable) is all happy to do this.

Thinking of going to see my family soon. I’m very happy to sit in the garden social distancing - not a hugger anyway 🤣 But my mum insists that social distancing isn’t important anymore as most families are meeting up like normal, going in each other’s houses etc.

Firstly, I don’t know who my family have socialised with and they probably haven’t social distanced from them. My dad and brother both work with the public. My mum has been socialising throughout.

Secondly, I’m trying to teach my son about social distancing before he goes back to school - he has asd and has been told about social distancing and I think he understands but putting things into practise really helps. Plus he will be confused if he has to social distance at school but not with family, easier to do it all around, he likes rules and regulations. The school have actually said that children can lose their place at school if they find out families aren’t obeying social distance guidelines.

Also, my mum is caring for elderly relatives so I’d much prefer to social distance from them just in case we were carrying it without knowing and spread it around.

Feel like it’s safer for everyone.

Aibu?

Yabu - social distancing isn’t happening with families.

YANBU - insist on social distancing.

OP posts:
Nowabruptly · 20/06/2020 17:36

I’m quite encouraged to see how many people on here are social distancing still as it seems as if everyone I know is bending/completely breaking the rules/guidelines one way or another. I am so depressed by how many otherwise intelligent people around me think the rules don’t apply to them and think they know better than the scientists. Even if you doubt the scientists why not err on the side of caution for the sake of our community? And to anyone on here who says they made the decision to take a risk - this is not your decision to take - it’s not about protecting you, it’s about protecting the wider community, particularly those who are vulnerable. And not taking up hospital beds unnecessarily. I am gutted by the selfishness of those I know and love and it’s going to take me a long time to get over my disappointment in so many people after this is over. I am fed up with having to explain very apologetically to people that I am social distancing and can’t do x, y or z. Surely it should be a given?! I do appreciate there are some very limited circumstances where there is no alternative eg where mental health is seriously at risk. But otherwise surely social distancing is the least we can do! Sorry to rant.

PuppyMonkey · 20/06/2020 17:40

Good to hear that your mum has been “socialising throughout” OP. What with her looking after elderly relatives and all.Confused

It doesn’t sound to me like your mum quite understands what we are and aren’t allowed to do, so I’d trust your own instincts tbh.

wanderings · 20/06/2020 17:42

Those who are not social distancing are not going to say so on here, because they'll be told they're hugging each other to death, like the Greek robot Talos. Wink

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/06/2020 17:43

Apart from going to work all the way through lockdown (in a school and no social distancing in force with staff and/or children) I have seen no one apart from DH & DS who live here. Zoom calls with DD and friends and a wave from the bottom of the path when I take shopping to an elderly neighbour.

However, there is a party two doors away from me at the moment.. the garden is absolutely heaving with adults and children and the other side of me are currently setting up for a party... 20 chairs have been set up so far..... I must have missed the announcement that everything is back to normal.

Figgygal · 20/06/2020 17:44

Haven’t seen my friends or family since Christmas - live at opposite end Of country and had planned to go home Easter

In-laws are local seen them once since March at the end of their garden

Not seeing people and all friends are the same

Original poster
Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 17:45

Thanks for the input everyone. I will be social distancing as I wanted to.

Even if we could visit and not social distance (I know this is the case), I don’t feel ready. My sad son as mentioned above is a nightmare for touching everything and touching his face (we are working on this). I feel he will be vulnerable to getting ill because of this. I feel seeing them outside will be safer. This is something we are working on before his return to school.

I’m socially awkward and hate hugs anyway so suits me at the best of times 🤣 I understand how frustrating it is for some people who like closeness and affection. I worry that my family won’t distance from the children though..

I wouldn’t mind so much but I know that despite caring for elderly relatives my mum and stepdad haven’t been social distancing at all for weeks with friends and other family! They haven’t taken it seriously from the start. I live in area with a low amount of cases but I still feel we need to be cautious despite that.

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 20/06/2020 17:46

Been to my parents and sat more than 2m apart outside. My DD's are seeing their boyfriends though (who live with their parents) but nobody is casually socialising.

Ghostlyglow · 20/06/2020 17:46

No.

NoMoreDickheads · 20/06/2020 17:46

Erm, yeah! I don't want people to die. I have a duty not only to family but to society as a whole.

CharityDingle · 20/06/2020 17:46

@Nowabruptly

I’m quite encouraged to see how many people on here are social distancing still as it seems as if everyone I know is bending/completely breaking the rules/guidelines one way or another. I am so depressed by how many otherwise intelligent people around me think the rules don’t apply to them and think they know better than the scientists. Even if you doubt the scientists why not err on the side of caution for the sake of our community? And to anyone on here who says they made the decision to take a risk - this is not your decision to take - it’s not about protecting you, it’s about protecting the wider community, particularly those who are vulnerable. And not taking up hospital beds unnecessarily. I am gutted by the selfishness of those I know and love and it’s going to take me a long time to get over my disappointment in so many people after this is over. I am fed up with having to explain very apologetically to people that I am social distancing and can’t do x, y or z. Surely it should be a given?! I do appreciate there are some very limited circumstances where there is no alternative eg where mental health is seriously at risk. But otherwise surely social distancing is the least we can do! Sorry to rant.
Well said.

There are some people for whom I will never have the same regard again, when all of this is over, because of the way that they have chosen to ignore what we were all asked to do. For everyone's sake.

Original poster
Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 17:48

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou oh no, that’s not great. Thankfully my neighbours seem to be taking it seriously although I have noticed an increase in get togethers etc they seem to be social distancing which is good.

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 20/06/2020 17:48

@okiedokieme If when they visit people they're all outside then that's ok, but not if they're inside. Or that's how I understand it to be legally.

Original poster
Kaj29 · 20/06/2020 17:48

Asd son not sad son **

OP posts:
Thelittleweasel · 20/06/2020 17:49

@Jen435

Although the example you give of granny not being worried about going early I'm afraid that it's not just her that is at risk. All the people she meets are at risk and then all the people they meet and that's how it spreads. The problem is that you cannot look at someone and say "they have not got it!". The dangerous ones are those who have the virus and no symptoms. You simply cannot try to rationalise it. Unless as I say you are Dominic Cummings!

Nowabruptly · 20/06/2020 17:50

@CharityDingle thank you. Although I’m sorry you’re finding it hard too, it helps to know others feel the same!

LST · 20/06/2020 17:50

No. Not with my parents anymore.

InspectorCludo · 20/06/2020 17:51

@gallbladderpain you beat me to it.
Why can’t these people see how selfish they are?
“I’d rather be dead” or “I can die happy now” etc.

It amazes me that people still think like this. Obviously 1,000 people dying every day wasn’t enough.

Goyle · 20/06/2020 17:53

My friend whom I hadn't seen in months hugged me without warning when I saw her the other week Hmm. I haven't seen my parents for four months. My parents in law has been in my flat, not social distancing, for a cup of tea. I am an essential worker and I know the risks but if I can sit on a bus with 20 others, or share the same air as many others in the supermarket then my in-laws can come in for tea. No hugging though.

riotlady · 20/06/2020 17:53

We broke for the first time today, took DD to see my parents in their back garden. We stayed apart but DD is 2 and doesn’t understand and obviously missed her grandparents terribly so she had lots of cuddles and contact from them.

CountFosco · 20/06/2020 17:53

This is somewhat theoretically because we live hundreds of miles away from close family. The ones who live closest (so we could drive to meet at at central tourist site) are still shielding.

Friends are starting to pop round to chat in the garden which is lovely. The adults are better at social distancing than the kids generally.

NowImLivinInExeter · 20/06/2020 17:53

Nope not at all, just been with friends this afternoon.

Nowabruptly · 20/06/2020 17:53

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou That must be really miserable for you to have to see/listen to when you are making so many sacrifices. You’ll have to have the mother of all parties when this is over.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/06/2020 17:54

[quote Kaj29]@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou oh no, that’s not great. Thankfully my neighbours seem to be taking it seriously although I have noticed an increase in get togethers etc they seem to be social distancing which is good.[/quote]
I’ve just counted 20 adults in the garden two doors up plus children, plus those indoors. We are terraced houses so not large gardens. Definitely no social distancing whatsoever. Lots of hugging too. I think it’s to celebrate the birth of the latest grandchild... who is, of course being passed around like a gorgeous 2 week old pass the parcel.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/06/2020 17:57

[quote Nowabruptly]@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou That must be really miserable for you to have to see/listen to when you are making so many sacrifices. You’ll have to have the mother of all parties when this is over.[/quote]
Had a zoom chat with a group of friends this afternoon, we are going to have a massive get together when we can!

DD is desperate to come and swap her winter clothes for summer clothes (she is at uni and didn’t have room to take both seasons).

peekaboob · 20/06/2020 17:59

Yep, as is my family.
I'm meeting my friend on Monday for a socially distanced coffee in her garden and then taking my son on our bikes to meet with his friend and parent for a bike ride.
DPs parents and family were so good until about 5 weeks ago and now it's like lockdown doesn't exist for them. DP has been told to grow a pair when it comes to me as I want to follow the rules and they want him and his child not to.

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