My 2 ds, 13 & 12, refused entry to Poundland?!

[mrshectic]

Bit of a rant here, and know that some may disagree.
So whilst I was at home with my dd (6, and shielding), I gave my 2 ds a couple of pounds to get a token something from pound shop for their Dad for Father's Day tomorrow (as they will be spending the day there). They both have masks, and I trust them to be very sensible kids especially with things the way they've been. They are always courteous when we've had to go out (and are often shocked how many people still don't adhere to the 2m distancing ). I have often let them go the the local shop for me to get a couple of essentials, never been a problem.

Today, after queuing to get in, they were rudely refused access as they didn't have an adult present, even though 2 girls from their year group walked out together a few mins before. They were very embarrassed and a bit upset when they got back.

I'm actually furious....I have seen so many 'kids/teenagers' in there in groups or pairs shopping over recent weeks...and to be refused just so they can get their dad a bloody bit of tat, I fell, is ridiculous! We aren't in the first stages of lockdown!

Aibu to complain? Or should I let it go and take a breath

Let it go. Take a breath. You know they are nice reliable kids but the Poundland staff don’t know that.
The fact that the shop had already admitted two children of similar age isn’t relevant. It could be that the store staff thought they were older, they might have mistakenly thought they were with an adult or it could be that the store doesn’t want too many too many school age children in the shop at once. It could be some other reason entirely. Assuming this wasn’t race related I’d let it go.

It’s easy to feel defensive of our DC but if you weren’t there at the time it’s very hard to know exactly what went on. Just give them a cuddle, remind them that these are strange times and sometimes adults make mistakes and move on.

I can understand why you are pissed off and frankly I suspect this is to do with them being boys...

As PP said I'd try to handle it in a calm way and just say that adults get it wrong sometimes and are being extra cautious at the moment. Then maybe make a card/poem and home baking or something for Dad.

Let it go.
You can see that the shop wouldn’t want groups of teenagers in at the moment. They don’t know your kids so I’d let it slide.

2 teenagers is not a group

Actually 1 teenager and 1 preteen but 2 people is not a group

Most shops around here will limit the number of school kids in at any time.

Could they walk there together but go in one at a time?

We have the police radio at work, and can hear calls from the shops to each other and police.

Kids are causing an awful lot of issues at the moment-yes even just two boys together. And, I know from some of the names that have come over the radio that plenty of the parents would say that they're always sensible and courteous so why were they sent home. I've heard what they've actually said and done...

I think it has to do with them being boys, which is ridiculous, but I know that my ds has been followed around shops before, and at the moment shops are more cautious. Send them to your local shop, or m&s. He's gone and done a full food shop in there for us with no issues whilst I've waited in the car park. I don't think their dad will mind what he gets if it's from them, especially if he knows you can't get out due to a shielding child.

I think it has to do with them being boys, which is ridiculous

It's not ridiculous. Names I hear over the police radio for causing problems are about 90% boys.

It's not ridiculous. Names I hear over the police radio for causing problems are about 90% boys.

It's still ridiculous.

If the names were 90% Asian names for example, I wouldn't expect them to be refused entry either.

OP, I would ask what their policy is and then complain or not according to what they're said.

I'd ring and ask. Especially as two girls they knew had been allowed in. Why should it be 'let go'? Their money is as good as anyone else's and if you don't treat them fairly, what message is it sending?

It's not ridiculous. Names I hear over the police radio for causing problems are about 90% boys.

Do you mean that 90% of the culprits' names you hear are those of boys or that 90% of ALL boys are the culprits? It sounds like another version of the common MN misunderstanding that '98% of violent crime is committed by men' is NOT the same as '98% of men commit violent crime'.

Worra's analogy with Asian names is spot on.

A lot of our local shops won't let 2 secondary school age children in together. I do wonder if they would have been allowed admission if they had asked to go in separately.

Or ... at the other extreme, do they look young for their age? My DD is 14 , but mistaken as younger because she is short and people often seem to think she shouldn't be allowed out on her own and should have an adult with her.

12 and 13 are definitely ages where children can do many things on their own perfectly well and independently of an adult. It's not like they're 4 and 5 and the store are concerned that they should be with mummy or daddy for their own safety.

Unfortunately you’ll get a lot of this. From around 15 years my ds was treated appallingly by train conductors.

Sorry it happened to your boys today but it won’t be the last time.

Names I hear over the police radio for causing problems are about 90% boys..

Probably because boys are targeted more. Teen girls steal too, they're just less likely to be caught.

If they are refused entry because they are boys, but girls from same year group was allowed, I think it's not simply because they are boys. Some boys look a lot younger than girls at that age. My ds is 12, and girls from same year look way more mature than him.

@Witchend

I think it has to do with them being boys, which is ridiculous

It's not ridiculous. Names I hear over the police radio for causing problems are about 90% boys.

Would you feel as comfortable saying that if you replaced boys with the name of an ethnic group?

wouldnt hurt to ring up and just ask what their poilicy is on what kids are allowed in

If it was me, I'd grudgingly let it go, and encourage my teenagers to vote with their wallets; but I'd be seething with rage, I get really annoyed if my time is wasted in a way like that, and things are really not fair on children and teenagers right now, with so many of their activities impossible, and being at the bottom of the government's pile right now (separate issue, I know).

I remember being a teenager and feeling really angry about those notices "Only one school child allowed in shop"; ditto those high-pitched squealing devices to deter loitering teenagers, if they'd been invented then. However, I remember also feeling really embarrassed when my mum marched into our local newsagents and made a scene about them rounding up the price of half a pack of batteries she had sent me to buy.

I wondered if it was because they’re boys too

OP I’d ring the store and ask for a manager to explain their reasoning and what they suggest your children do to be permitted into the store.

YABU. Every parent thinks their child is polite and courteous, but young teenagers are not the same when they’re without their parents.

Parents seem to be under the delusion that “my child is not like that!” Yes, yes they are.

You can also ignore the two girls of a similar age; they’re not relevant. You don’t know if they had an adult with them who was lagging behind with the shopping or had just gone ahead.

Your kids also were not “rudely refused”. They don’t have an automatic right to enter a shop and shops are allowed to refuse service. The basis of a parent needing to be with a child is an important one right now.

@Smallsteps88

I wondered if it was because they’re boys too

OP I’d ring the store and ask for a manager to explain their reasoning and what they suggest your children do to be permitted into the store.

No need to ring, I can answer that for you: they need an adult present.

No need to ring, I can answer that for you: they need an adult present.

I would accept that if it hadn’t been for two other children of the same age being allowed in without an adult present. So I’d be asking for the reason why a difference was made.