would you be pissed of with this friend, feeling a bit hurt

[kerrykatona]

me and "lorna" have been really good friends for a few years, our husbands worked together so we became really close through this. shoulder to to lean on when the men were away from home, company at works nights out etc

anyway lorna and her dh split up and she has basically turned into someone i dont recognise anymore, going out sleeping with whoever will have her and as much as i hate to say it neglecting her children, i feel that i am to boring for her now and her new friends who lead the same life as her come first.

i have been invited on a few of there "pulling nights" but being happily married i have said no but it would be nice and me and her could go out together on our own or sit in the house and catch up over some wine etc

she said that this would be great and it was arranged for us to go out for a meal this weekend

i have just had a message saying that she does not want to go for a meal anymore shall we just go clubbing and her other friends are coming along as well

i feel hurt that she obviously does not want to give up a night on the pull to try and save our friendship and she knows that i will def not agree to going out with her new friends, the way they behave would embarres me

do you think i am flogging a dead horse here, is it time to call it a day

No I don't. She is newly single again and lonely and being a little selfish at thwe moment thats all. Perhaps have the meal out on a weekday ?

Tell her how you feel though.She needs to go out pulling at the moment esp if her self esteem has been crushed in the break up Kerry. She is still that same person really just tell her you miss her

Sometimes a friendship is simply 2 people who have something in common, not a deep and meaningful connection.

You were 2 married women, with similar lifestyles. She is now single, you are married, that commonality is gone and if that is what the friendship was based on, then so is the friendship.

It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with the friendship, it was what it was, just that people move on, lives diverge....

No I would not call it a day with her. She's just reacting to the stress of a break-up in a way that a lot of people do (men and women) i.e going a bit mad for while. Do you really think or more importantly know that she's neglecting her kids or are you just assuming she is because she's going out a lot?

Why don't you try to explain that you are not into going out on the pull and that you'd like some one-to-one time with her.

She may well get fed up with what she is doing, and it is likely to be you she turns to.

do you think she may have picked up on your disaproval and dislike of her current behaviour? coz it certainly comes across in your OP.

if i were her, i dont think id feel too keen on opening myself up to such personal criticism and disaproval either. would be pretty hurtful.

give her space, she has a right to a life and not to be judged by her friends.

and if you really have so little respect for her, then yes, let it go. you could prob both do without the heartache/hassle.

i feel we possibly have come to the end of the friendship, we were very close but as i say it was mostly through our dh's work, i have never told her that i disaprove or dislike her lifestyle just now i think nappiesgalore has put it a bit to strongly but i can see how she would get that from the op.

our dd;s are very good friends and i dont want anything to come between that

i don't think it would have done her any harm to take one night off from going out.She may be newly single and wanting to live her life but at some point she will stop shagging around and her "new" friends won't matter so much,then she will wonder you have gone.If thisdoes happen and in the mean time you have distanced yourself from her too much to ecer have another real friendship with her then it's just tough.

Sometimes you do have to just accept that friendships change - I can see both points of view and I do think it would be a good idea to spell out exactly what kind of night you'd like to have with her, and your reasons why. On the other hand, maybe you have come to the end of your friendship as it was, but that doesn't mean you can't still be friends, it may just turn out to be different.
I've been married forever and I have a handful of friends where a similar thing has happened. At the time I found it quite hurtful that a quiet night in with me wasn't good enough for them any more, but over time, they all came back once they'd either become bored with being out on the pull all the time or more usually, they'd met someone new, settled down, and wanted a bit of normality back! I'd say half of those friends are nowadays just as close as we ever were and the other half I see once in a blue moon or have the occasional phone call with but we're still friends and always seem to appreciate each others company, however infrequently it might be. Sometimes that's just how life is isn't it?
But I think that as your DDS are friends it would be good to try to stay as friendly as you can. Life's too short and I bet in 3 months time she'll be back to her old self again and will value your friendship more for the fact that you stuck around.

yeah i dont want to have a bit confrontation about it all then fall out, i think i will just bow out quietly, i know when she will get in touch with me though, her youngest is due to start nursery soon with my other dd and i know she will expect me to take her and pick her up.

might sound bitchy but if this does happen she will be getting told to $£%^ off

take the daughter that is, she refuses to take her children to school now and does not get out her pj's all day, thats what i mean about not knowing her anymore

she sounds deeply depressed to me. JMO

when you are newly single you bcome afraid of staying in and missing out i know you say her friends behaviour would embarrass you but why not go out and join in the fun just because htere on the pull doesn't mean you cant have fun and meet new people at least she invited you

when she is feeling secure she wills ettle down this must be hard on her and when you are older you do feel your chances are less of meeting someone new and you do tend to love the new young feeling lease of life

just either go and see if you can enjoy yourself i love being offered out and meeting new people its when they dont offer you it hurts if you dont enjoy it dont go again and just arrange meals with your friend

but it might do you good to meet more fun lively people you might think you'd hate it and could actually have the best time

just be there as a friend it is hard to be alone and strting agin and so she should make the most of it as i say she'll soon tire of it

bubblagirl we are both 25 and she goes out with a crowd of 16-18 year olds, almost everynight they go out they end up shagging random blokes up some side street.

if i thought it was people i could go out and have a good time with i would be right there, but they are the complete opposite to me.

sorry that last post sounded stuck up and i did not intend it that way, what i am meaning is that they would be just as unimpressed having to spend a night with me showing them pictures of my dd's and yawning from 11pm onwards

did he split from her....it sounds like she is doing this for revenge imo....give her a few weeks and she will be dying with shame thatshe has lowered herself.I only hope she istaking precautions

i think it was more of a mutual split after a few rough weeks, he then decided to try and give it another go but she would not have him back. it turned out a few weeks later that she had started seeing someone over the net during the rough weeks they were having.

if i am being honest everything she has done since they split has annoyed me, i dont agree with any of it but have tried to be there thinking that deep down she was still the person i thought she was. i think i have just been sentimental.

i think she sounds like she is just trying to find her feet, that the split has knocked her sideways a bit and she is trying in whichever way works quickly, to boost her self esteem

if you dont like hte way she behaves then do not go out with her , but maybe say you would rather have some one to one time alone, instead

is she really shagging random men up streets, or is it just a way of showing that you dont like the way she is right now?

well you might be justified in giving the friendhship a "break" if you are good friends then it will be fine.you dont need a clubcard where friendship is involved.if she is pissing you off so much then it seems like the best option

Be a friend

be supportive

let her get this out of her system!

maybe one day you'll go through some crap, be an idiot and need a friend at the end.
Don't give up because she is not being who you want her to be.

Is part of the problem that you miss her? Or are a bit scared that you'll lose her?

she's till young she wants to join in with everyone i remember goig through a stage like that when i broke up with long term partner i was afraid of staying in and missing out lost touch with old friends as they were all settled down although did still have there support i didn't want to be stuck at home doing nothing it hurt to bad

when i went out i felt liked i felt confident and just waanted to be free when i met my dp i settled down didn't need to live high life and i am really good friends with my old friends

they all understood why i did what i di as they all said they would also do it if my situation she's trying to feel loved again she's having fun

just be there for her if you are her friend it is so hard to be stuck at home feeling hurt and alone it helps to just go out and meet people and have fun she will calm down