Bf has problems with food

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I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf but he's been staying at mine during lockdown and we've been together around 18 months. We get along great and have so much in common but there's something that's really bothering me now and no amount of talking about it or me being annoyed about it helps. He has some sort of food addiction and used to be really overweight but he had a gastric band fitted a few years ago. However, instead of doing things properly and eating small amounts slowly he'll eat anything and everything and because it won't go down to his stomach through the band it'll come back up so in effect he's bulimic. We've spoken about this and he's been to the GP for help about it but atm nothing is going ahead and there was a huge waiting list even before covid hit us.

So yesterday we went out for a drive and I popped into Tesco to get some sandwiches which I didn't end up eating so I put them in the fridge to take to work tonight. I wake up today and happen to notice the empty pack of sandwiches in the bin. I asked him about it and said I'd wanted to take them to work tonight - he said 'well you didn't tell me that'. I didn't realise I had to tell someone not to eat something of mine. This sort of stuff happens all the time when he's at mine and he's always eating loads of my food and not replacing it which I find extremely frustrating because I don't have a huge amount of money from trying to pay off debts and living on my own and paying all the bills. I make a decent living but he makes almost double what I make and lives with his parents so doesn't have a lot of outgoings but when I make a fuss about the food thing he gets defensive and doesn't seem to get how much it bothers me. AIBU to feel this way or am I overreacting?

We share food and snacks and treats in our house and I'd be pissed off if I went to grab some sandwiches which weren't on the weekly shop and obviously for one person, as I was about to go out for work, and they weren't there. Because it would mean I had to either spend more money at a work canteen or something or make something last minute. It's common courtesy in my opinion. Although that is ignoring the eating disorder which means it may be more a compulsion than being rude.

In any case if he is going to change he needs to want to and then it is going to take a lot of willpower and hard work.

Irrespective of this, it should not be costing you more to live with your boyfriend who earns more than you! Surely you will be using more heat, power, water, consumables? He uses more consumables than you and isn't contrubuting at all. I'd be a bit miffed he hadn't offered, and worried that because he lives with his parents at the moment he doesn't really have any idea about the cost of anything

Isn't it usual to do discuss who pays for what, what's communal or seperate etc?

Why don’t you do a big food shop together and go 50/50 and then say any extras you buy such as pre made sandwiches that’s not a normal weekly food item are yours and if he buys any it’s his.

Food comes out of the joint account here but if I knew my partner had bought something specific for work or the next day then I use my common sense and don’t eat it.

Tell him to apply some common sense to the food in the cupboards

Also he should be giving you some money towards bills such as electric, gas, water since he’s using them and it will increase your bill.

Don’t be a mug and let him get away with it now as you will find it harder to ask in the future

Your bf should be contributing more finically regardless more so because he has no house to run as he lives with his parents.
It’s difficult because your bf obviously has an issue with food and probably needs professional help. It would really get on my nerves.... I had a similar situation but not as severe. I think anybody that’s eats something (like an odd item) you have picked up lacks consideration for others. It’s common curtesy that you would at least ask if you could eat it before scoffing it.

This is just a tip from my own previous experience. A man who doesn’t pay his way and lives with you or pays a small amount speaks volumes. Make no excuses Ive been there and there’s no excuse at all.

He earns double what you do, doesn't contribute towards bills, doesn't even cover his share of grocery bill as he constantly over eats including stuff you set aside.........and he doesn't even have the self awareness to rectify any of this by himself?????

Dump him.
He can get help for his eating disorder or carry on eating himself out of his own house and home
Selfish, greedy tosser!

Some of these comments are shocking. He had a mental illness. Saying he is greedy etc is just awful. He needs help.

I've a friend who had a gastric bypass and he drinks coke with his food and apparently that way can keep food down. He was an only child who's mother likes to tell that he preferred condensed milk so that's what she fed him on as a baby. He basically gained a stone every year and surgery just doesn't sort out those sort of issues.

Thanks for all the replies, I've been in work so not able to reply until now. I will talk to him once my shifts are finished in a few days but I suspect this may be going the way most of you are saying because despite having spoken about this stuff before, it hasn't changed. I know he's tried to get help via his GP but he just doesn't seem to want it enough to change, he could have looked into this a long time before covid came along and god knows he's got the money to pay private for an eating disorder counsellor/therapist so sometimes I wonder if he's not really that bothered about it. Thanks again for your responses.

His eating disorder is not your problem to fix. It also has nothing to do with him being a cocklodger. Kick him out and kick him to the kerb.

It's hard to be 'bothered' by an ED when you're in one. Because it's actually a step towards recovery to want to get rid of it...

When you're in it, you might hate it in a way, but you also love it. It is your best friend. It keeps you 'safe' in your twisted thoughts. You want to hold it close and keep it forever. Think of teenage girls forced into inpatient.

It's a big step even to say "I don't want this anymore".

I'm not invalidating how hard this is for you, nor saying you should have to deal with or fix him or anything. He is not your responsibility. Leave if it is too much. But, if you want to stay and you want to understand I'd recommend doing some reading up on bulimia.

It is not a normal mindset. It's not a rational person deciding to eat all the food or deciding to then purge. It's a sick brain, which is compulsively lead to eat and eat and eat. In his case, his band then makes him vomit, in others it's the fear of weight gain which makes them make themselves.

But it's not a rational, healthy decision making process x

Good luck

It sounds like he is bulimic, have you specifically discussed that he may be bulimic with him? If not I would, but tread carefully because he will be very sensitive to this. He will 100% need professional help with this. It’s nonsense that he can’t get better, many sufferers recover fully, other may relapse throughout their life but treatment will help give advice on warning signs of a relapse and what to do about it so it doesn’t get really bad again.
With regards to him taking food, perhaps you could go shopping together for things you will eat together and then pay separately for ‘your stuff’ and he can pay for ‘his stuff’?
It may be that you do this and at times he will eat it ‘your stuff’ if he’s acting on his bulimia and whilst this is extremely annoying and worrying it may be best to ask him how he was when he ate it? Why did he feel the need to? He may open up a bit.
I would also be casual at times and say ‘oh those sandwiches were for my lunch, can I have a fiver to get something else? If you want to talk about how you were last night when you ate them, I’m always here’
Just my thoughts x