To be scared / Not want my mum to come for a month when baby is born?

[EllaWt]

Hi Everyone
I am really struggling with this and I don't know what to do...
I am expecting a baby in a few months, my parents live abroad and my mum has been ill for a while with cancer. This is her first grand child.
My mum wants to come to London shortly before the birth and stay for a month. She wouldn't stay with but would take an airbnb.
I'm really concerned because we don't have the best of relationships and she can be a bit much... also I think my husband and I would want at least the first few days as three of us alone... i dont think this is being unreasonable but on the other hand my mum is sick and she wouldn't even stay with us so I feel horrible and guilty... am i being unreasonable? What would you guys do?

I would tell her that her plans doesn't work with your family and you will be willing to plan a visit for a week when it does work for you

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all in not wanting her over for that long/that time frame. If you can bear to put up with her for a month, then can't she come for a month starting a week or 2 after the birth? (I'd not be able to cope with my parents being here for a month, even if they weren't actually staying with us - you know she's going to be round all the time anyway!)

If you don't want her to come for as long as a month, could you suggest splitting it into 2 visits of 2 weeks, one just as your husband finishes his paternity leave (for the sake of argument) and another a few months later, and sell it as these being when she'd be so helpful and it would be so great to have her around etc etc?

I can see that it's more complicated because she's been ill. But if she's now well enough to consider travelling and staying in London in a flat on her own, I reckon she's well enough for you not to give in and agree to have someone you don't want there around all the time just as you're trying to adjust to having a baby around.

Having boundaries isn't unreasonable or mean. Your wants and those of your husband matter here - taking a couple of weeks to adjust to the shock that a new baby can bring is perfectly reasonable and sensible, IMO. It's not like you're saying she can never come and visit!

Compromise? Tell her she's welcome to come for a week once the baby is born and you're settled.

You're a grown up, you don't have to do what she says.

Thank you Ladies !! Such a tough decision to make

if you're mum lives abroad she will have to self quarantine for 2 weeks. So if she comes over when dc is born you would get the first 2 weeks without her.

@Cabinfever10 oh i think this will be gone by the time the baby comes