It must be me, I'm just not meant to find happiness but maybe it's me.
I mean I left my kids dad 10 years ago, he wasn't a bad guy but he was just never there, he didn't seem to want family life he wanted to do things on his own, I fell out of love and we got divorced. Then I met someone else, but it was more a fun thing, once we started to get to the point we were blending families it didn't work, he didn't like my kids had all sorts of ridiculous rules became quite abusive so I ended that one.
Me and the dcs were happy again then a friend introduced me to her single neighbour, I liked him at first but that turned into an abusive relationship as well but much worse. There was police involved, court injunctions, I got out of that eventually, it was difficult as I was scared for mine and the kids life but he moved on in the end, did the same to other women.
I brushed myself down, bought a new house with my 2 kids and was happy again and single for about a year. Eventually I met someone else, took it really slow, he didn't meet my dcs for a year and I didn't meet his. It grew into a really strong relationship, my friends and family all thought thank god I've met someone nice. There was always issues with his ex wife causing problems but our relationship was always strong. We got married in 2018 and then it all just went wrong. He had a heart attack, then lost his hearing in one ear, went into a deep depression, it was stressful but I loved him, I did loads of research and helped him through it all but then his by now teenage daughters became really difficult and started to be really vile to me from posting awful videos on social media about me to refusing to eat my dinner. To this day I don't know what I did, no one can tell me. My husband completely lost it went into an angry depression drinking, disappearing, throwing bottles at me, shouting, blaming me for god knows what, I just drove to car parks and sobbed. His mum turned on me also as her grandchildren didn't like me but still no one knew why. I felt absolutely gutted and completely worthless, my dcs again were so upset, they didn't understand why everyone turned on their mum, it was awful for them we were pushed out, his dcs wouldn't even get in the car with us. They went to family events without us. The only thing I ever got out of them was they wanted their dad to themselves, but there seemed to be no compromise and husband wasn't the guy he once was so couldn't cope or give me any support and didn't seem to want to sort things out so I knew I had no choice but to get me and my kids out. So before lockdown I got us a house to rent, my dcs seem much happier and more relaxed as do I but I'm left thinking what the hell is wrong with me. My friends are celebrating 20th anniversaries, been with the same guy forever, some aren't happy and even in abusive relationships themselves but still stayed were as I didn't. I beginning to think maybe I shouldn't of given up or maybe it's me that makes them this way. I am never going to live with a man again, I'm going to struggle now to afford to buy a house and start again. What is wrong with me? It must be me right?