To ask you to help me get my shit together?!

[Whenwilligrowup]

Ok so I posted in aibu for traffic...but I need help!
Basically I'm just failing at life right now. I'm a chronically knackered, increasingly overweight, scatterbrained mess!!
I feel like I'm trying to balance so many plates that I'm not doing well at anything. (Though the thing is... I probably have it much easier than a lot of you ! So maybe you can help?! )

1. I'm failing (or at least falling seriously behind with ) my distance learning degree as the only time I can really study at the moment is night times when my kids are in bed, by which time I feel exhausted and have no motivation. Probably mentally/emotionally exhausted more than anything if I'm honest. My kids just feel such hard work and the youngest has autism so it's a struggle. Oh,also I have a telecoms job that I do on evenings that I can't afford to give up so have to fit uni work around that too!

1. My house is a MESS. I have so many jobs to do that I dont seem to get round to or can't get on top of. I do try, but I can't ever seem to get to the point of having a house that I'm proud of or would be happy to just a guest pop by unexpectedly. Not helped by the fact that my youngest is a force of destruction and tends to break/spill/ generally dirty up areas that I'm trying to get clean! I do general cleaning and tidying every day but I'm looking around now and can see stuff under the furniture,dirt on skirting boards, marks on cupboards and walls, floors that need scrubbing, sofas that need some kind of industrial steam clean ! Etc etc.

I really feel that these two areas are conflicting with each other at the moment as if I'm cleaning i'm thinking 'gosh I really should be completing that overdue uni assignment' and vice versa!! I really can't give up uni , the only thing that's keeping me going is the thought of passing my degree and getting the career I want and not being stuck at home ! But I'm just tired all the time and failing at everything. Oh and also massively failing at homeschooling my year 3 but that's another thread!!!

I do have hashimotos and low vitamin d which probably doesn't help although I obviously take medication for both , and I already take antidepressants- but despite the thyroxine and vitamins and Prozac I still haven't transformed into superwoman!!

Sorry this is all long and self absorbed but....help?!!!!

Dear God that's a lot of plates. Not surprised you're struggling! And adding in lock down and home school!!

Have you considered deferring your course? Just for a term or two to give yourself a chance to breathe.

I work full time and do a pt uni course and I found it difficult enough without dc. The minute I realised lock down was happening, I deferred. I knew I won't keep up, and that I won't be able to get the marks I'm capable of with the covid madness. It'll extend my course by two semesters, but it will give me a chance to get the grade I deserve and not have a break down trying.

I did have a look at deferring but with the way mine works there's no option to just defer by a few months - I'd have to defer it by a whole year so it'd set me back a year . Which I really don't want as I'm 32 now and still feel like I'm waiting for my life to begin in some ways I'm qualified for nothing . So everything lies on me passing my degree, getting qualified in the field I want to work in and finally having an income ! So I that can afford to learn to drive and do nice things with my dc before they are all grown up.
I sometimes wonder whether I'm just lazy of incompetent as I see other people juggling more than me and killing it, but I just can't seem to manage! I'm too easily distracted and can't seem to get organised,as well as the afformentioned knackered!!

Let the house be the house. You house is not there to be pretty and welcoming to guests. Right now your house is there, for living. So let it be messy and all. Because that is fine.
Work on mental health throughout the day
And then more sanity at night to do your job and study. You are amazing. Let the house, be the house

I know exactly what you mean, because I feel the same. I can't relax to do anything else until the house sorted out - it stresses me out if it's messy yet I don't feel I have the time to properly sort it. What I did last week was take a couple of days away from working and home schooling (I have the kind of work I can do that with, as long as it's completed on time) and just blitzed the house - I decided it was better for my mental well-being to lose 2 days of work and schooling to get things sorted out, and it really did make me feel better to have done that. Is that kind of thing an option for you? Other people may have better suggestions. I was following the organised mum method and that was working well, but I had let it all slip. I hope you get sorted out.

You have a lot on your plate at the minute. Do you have any family close by who could help you out a bit? If you got two hour blocks you could tackle the house or spend time on your assignments. I've done distance learning and it is harder than actually attending college I found as you have to be more organised and motivated. Well done for sticking at it. I got support from my mum with babysitting and it was great.
Could you fund a few hours with a cleaner once every few weeks? Make a list of things you want to achieve each day and think about what supports you need and if you have anyone to ask for help I would ask.

That’s a lot to have on the go at once . Let the house go a bit . I am retired now and dc are adults. When they were smaller I worked ft - long hours and I often had to do work at home at well. The house was a tip at times. When I think about what housework I do now compared to what I did then it makes me realise how bad it must have been.
But it was a stage in my life and I got through it. It didn’t do me or the dc any harm. Most of my friends were the same .
Do the uni work - the housework will keep

Thanks all! Your kind words have made me feel a little better
@toothsil I actually think once I've finished the assignment I have now I will set aside a couple of days just to focus on house jobs. I think that would make me feel a bit better as it stresses me out looking at all of them !
@eleanorrigby unfortunately im a few hours a way from my family which is a shame as I know they'd be a big help if we were closer ! I do have DH and he helps where he can but he works long hours in a high pressured job, and under normal circumstances would be working away all week ...so the shit work tends to fall down to me (wife work is definitely a thing!! )
I just look at me struggling and then see mums working full time, sometimes with more children than me , looking awesome ..and think how do they do it?!!?😂

I think you need to even the load with your DH.

Can he take some holiday just to be the full time parent for a day and give you some time to study?

You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself regarding the degree (and I totally understand why) But when you started this, we were not in a pandemic and you were not expecting your children to be home all day and needing homeschooling. That changes the dynamic of your situation completely.

If I were you I would defer. It's only a year, and you can set yourself the goal of losing weight, getting fit, sorting the house out or whatever prior to you starting to learn again.

In the big scheme of things a year is not a long time, and you would be able to devote yourself to your studies more efficiently once you return.