To want to see a female doctor?

[pelagra]

I have a symptom that could indicate a gynae cancer. I also have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and rape. I asked my GP to explain this in the referral, and she offered to ask for a female Gynae surgeon.
I got to the two week wait clinic to find my appointment was with a man, and panicked and ran. Now I feel like a total failure. I had done lots of planning and preparation to manage myself through the examination and tests, but I didn't even get near them. In the present climate I should be grateful to be seen at all, not be making a fuss about my preferences

You have specific needs because of a disability. No different to if you were a wheelchair user sent an appointment in an inaccessible building.

The NHS has a duty to adapt to meet your needs to ensure you can still access care and to protect you from avoidable harm while you do (considering how much you've been suffering already, I think you made the right decision to leave rather than force yourself into a damaging experience).

Please stop beating yourself up. You don't deserve it. You're not a failure. You displayed tremendous courage to get as far as you did, having taken very sensible steps to advocate for yourself that should have meant you could access the care you need. I'm sorry they let you down.

I completely sympathise, but you are delaying your own healthcare. Lots of gynae departments don't have female doctors and even if they do they can't guarantee that one is there on the day. Also at the moment, women are more likely to be off if they have no childcare.

Ask for another appointment, if it was a 2ww referral it should be within 2w, otherwise it'll be at the bottom of the normal waiting list, request a female doctor but use the time between now and then to get your head round the fact that it might not happen. If you can do this, you're not letting your attacker win again.

^You have specific needs because of a disability. No different to if you were a wheelchair user sent an appointment in an inaccessible building.
The NHS has a duty to adapt to meet your needs to ensure you can still access care^

I'm pretty sure this is BS from a legal point of view.

@lockdownstress

^You have specific needs because of a disability. No different to if you were a wheelchair user sent an appointment in an inaccessible building. The NHS has a duty to adapt to meet your needs to ensure you can still access care^

I'm pretty sure this is BS from a legal point of view.

Yes, of course it is. Op does not have a disability.

@lockdownstress

Actually, PTSD caused by childhood sexual abuse is a significant and long term mental health condition and it may well meet the definition of disability under the Equality Act 2010.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/protected-characteristics/what-counts-as-disability/

YANBU at all. I always ask for a female practitioner for anything personal and private and I fortunately have no experience of sexual abuse. I just don't want my privates to be touched by a man which is completely fair enough. You asked and they should accommodate your request

It may meet the definition. Not it definitely meets the definition. So to advise the OP that categorically she has the right to demand a female Dr due to her disability is incorrect.

Yes but it's also incorrect to say that the comment was "bullshit".

Luckily the GP and secretary are more respectful than you and have referred to a hospital that does have female gynaecologists.

@AnotherEmma

Yes but it's also incorrect to say that the comment was "bullshit".

Luckily the GP and secretary are more respectful than you and have referred to a hospital that does have female gynaecologists.

As well they should. But not because of "disability".

Ah well perhaps you two experts would like to rewrite the Equality Act.

I am a healthcare professional. Listen to me, you are not being fussy at all and nobody at the clinic will think you’re being fussy. I’m surprised they couldn’t offer a female doctor to you for a Gynae clinic. Could you phone the department ahead of time to say you’d like a female doctor?

On the negative side I think they may insist on a chaperone so you should prepare yourself for that. I’m sorry.

But the chaperone doesn't have to be a HCP does it? OP could bring a female relative/friend with her to the appt and they could be her chaperone, right?

@AnotherEmma

But the chaperone doesn't have to be a HCP does it? OP could bring a female relative/friend with her to the appt and they could be her chaperone, right?

Hopefully. But it's for the doctor's protection too, so maybe not? Worth checking.

Worth checking? Yes that's why I asked the HCP.

I believe it's just to have a witness basically so i don't think it matters who they are but hopefully caramelbun or someone else who knows will confirm.

@AnotherEmma

Worth checking? Yes that's why I asked the HCP.

I believe it's just to have a witness basically so i don't think it matters who they are but hopefully caramelbun or someone else who knows will confirm.

Yes, sorry!

Op, I haven't got ptsd like you but I was in a similar situation last year. Had to have a scan and was told it was likely to be an internal one. It hadn't occurred to me that I the sonographer would be a man as I had never actually had a man doing this before through pregnancies and gall stones etc

I got to the appointment and my heart dropped when it was a man. He attempted the scan through my tummy but due to my weight couldn't see enough. He said he would need to do an internal, I asked for a woman but told non were available but I could re book which I did. I felt like you, a failure and worried there was something wrong and then felt guilty I had put my life at risk all because I didn't want a man to internally examine me.

Thankfully all was well. I had to wait another 3/4 weeks to see a woman and I was fine.

I asked friends and and I would say 70/80% of women I spoke to said they would feel the same as me. Almost all of my friends who said they wouldn't be bothered are medical staff themselves so do have a different perspective.

YANBU at all.
You have been a traumatic experiences and you should be as comfy as possible when going to be checked out.
You should not feel bad for the feelings you have.
That said and as others have mentioned it may take time to get to see a doctor of your choice and this is obviously something you need to take into account.
Maybe in your next appointment instead of having the exam you could discuss the situation with the doctor and see how you feel.

Re the chaperone, even if you take your own, the HCP is entitled to have their own chaperone too, as they are there to protect them against accusations.

More often than not, this would be a nurse or HCA who would be needed to assist with the procedure anyway.

And of course, you can request that the chaperone is also female

YANBU

Well, the new hospital is a completely different affair. They got my referral yesterday and phoned me today to explain how it worked and how they could modify it if I needed. A female nurse will phone to take my history before the clinic - that is a huge relief as I will be more articulate at home. Two days later I'll be seen in a nurse led clinic, where they can call in a consultant if needed, and a woman will be available.
The chaperone thing is complicated. My PTSD is bad enough to be under secondary services, and normally my support worker would be able to come. Her Covid rules prevent her, and may prevent me from taking anyone else.

Thank to everyone who said I'm not being unreasonable. I will work on believing it. I've had several years of therapy, but it is slow work unpicking 17 years of abysmal childhood.
Thanks also for the debate on Reasonable Adjustments. I qualified for PIP, so if that system acknowledges my MH can disable me, I can try to extend the logic to this event. It is so hard to put blame externally instead of on myself.