My 13-year-old can't sleep - any help/advice?

[sarahanne1969]

Hi, one of my 13-year-olds can't sleep at the moment. He can't get off to sleep, and then lies away for ages, ends up crying and coming through to get me. I go in to his room with him to try to get him back off to sleep, end up sleeping in bedroom next to him so I'm nearby and he then eventually goes back to sleep. DH going nuts as thinks I am giving in to him, but he is really upset and can't sleep. Am going to google this and see if I can find any solutions but anyone else going through this? I am trying to restrict his screen time, and making him go outside/exercise to help him. He is getting more and more tired by the day - bit worried as it's really upsetting him and he looks shattered. Is this a lockdown thing maybe as it's not happened with him before now since he was really little - is this happening with anyone else's kids?

go to bed cold (makes the body work harder to keep warm and will help you sleep apparently)

do not EVER look at the time if you wake up in the middle of the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no phone/clock etc except for an alarm

I had hideous insomnia and it got so much better in about a week with the not looking at the clock thing. Really helped a lot.

Melatonin. Buy it online.

Is there something particularly worrying him? Is he going to bed too early so not properly tired?

SleepScotland have lots of resources.

Set and keep a strict pre-bedtime routine.
Same bedtime every night.

All screens off at least 1 hour before bedtime (not sleep time, bedtime). Shower- the drop in body temperature after being warm, stimulates sleep.
No NONE screens upstairs or in bedroom.

Ensure that there is lots of exercise early in the day.
No snacks late in the evening.
If he's lying in bed, not able to get off to sleep, then read a book, listen to an audiobook or write a gratitude list/letter.

Only after you have done all that and had no success, consider approaching GP re anxiety/medication/melatonin.

How much physical exercise is he doing in the day? Try to get him outside some time between 11-3, to get him more tired and promote natural melatonin production. A small banana 30 minutes before bed might also help (contains tryptophan).
He's probably not physically tired due to being off school, and lying awake with too many thoughts whirring round his brain.

No screens of any type for at least an hour before bed, do some gentle exercise (yoga), take a bath or a shower, listen to a mindfulness app.

I did all of the above with my child. Just didn't work. She could not sleep. She now has 1.5mg of melatonin a night, weaned down from 5 and falls asleep just fine in about 20min.
Tried a few times removing it and its straight back to 1am. Wide awake

I feel for you as this was us, and still is sometimes although she copes a lot better.

With my DD, it’s not constant. She will have two or three nights where she can’t sleep until about 4am. By the 3rd or 4th night she’s usually so tired that her body resets.

We’ve tried going to bed at the same time, tried no devices, tried all sorts, it just happens. But she’s gone from the same situation as you where she would come into me in the middle of the night panicking that she hasn’t gone to sleep yet, to accepting that it just happens occasionally. She’s either been over stimulated with school work, under stimulated, anything really.

She never ever has a lie in, which is the only thing I’d say works for her. She absolutely would not do what some teens do and go to bed in the early hours then not get up til mid afternoon. That’s her worst nightmare.

ordered some tablets that are suitable for him from holland and barrett so will try those. I think we need to break the cycle so the tablets will hopefully help

My 11 year old son has been through this twice now and it's hideous. The first time I made the mistake of getting into his bed and I ended up doing it for 8 months 😫 He now takes Magnesium tablets and he is back to getting off to sleep ok, he takes 2 every night about 20 minutes before he goes to sleep.

I've also wondered if it's hormonal as after the second bout of insomnia he has really started puberty!

I suffered very badly with this from age 12 until I was sitting my a-levels. It was worse at times of stress. It's better now I have two kids under 3 exhausting me.
Sometimes the only thing that helped me was waking my mum up and telling her I couldn't sleep - I know now that was selfish and a bit crazy of me but having her aware that I couldn't sleep seemed to really help me.
Also I used to try to get cold then warm up and that helped too. Outdoor exercise, regular rituals at bed time will all help. Also aren't bananas meant to help too?
Good luck. Insomnia in adolescence is very tough.

Can he count backwards, I choose any number eg 557 and count back wards slowly tapping a finger, or moving my foot, each time I count.
Don't tell yourself you are counting until you fall asleep. Instead choose a number to count to. Tell yourself you are just relaxing in bed and passing the time (as you can't sleep). So I start counting at 557 and decide to stop when I get to eg 457. If you tell yourself you are just passing the time you won't stress if you think it isn't working and you aren't falling asleep.
So you could tell him to count until 457 (or a lower number if that is easier for him) and to come through when he gets there and you will think of another test for him.
Moving slightly seems to make it impossible for your mind to wander as you are remembering a number and also to move.
He should fall asleep quite quickly.

I used to have the same problem when I was slightly younger than him.

What helped was my dad being really understanding. He’s not a great sleeper either, so he knew how it felt to lie there tossing and turning.

He told me that the worst thing that will happen if you can’t get to sleep is that you’ll be a bit tired the next day. That’s it. I still remind myself that now when I’m panicking that I can’t sleep!

He also gave me permission to turn on my night light and read for another 30 mins or so if I just couldn’t switch my brain off.

Agree with other posters about taking away phones or clocks which just make him focus on the time that it’s taking him to get to sleep.

Terrible, I say the exact same thing. That if she doesn’t go to sleep, so what? This works especially well at the weekend or now, during lockdown.

I also agree with kittlesticks, usually DD will fall asleep pretty soon after she gives in and comes in to my room to tell me she can’t sleep. It’s like she needs my reassurance that it’s not the end of the world

That said, her problem is once in a while; if it was happening every week I’d be seeking help if the common sense solutions weren’t working.

piriton syrup! You can buy melatonin but your local chemist hay fever meds for kids is quicker and safer x

Has she tried guided meditation. I listen to Paul mckenna

CD player , story CDs. Lights out

Magnesium
Melatonin
CBD
Valerian

Any of those may be worth a try.

Have a watch of this.

Insomnia started for me at 11 and unfortunately lasted until my 30s. Google sleep hygiene and follow the recommendations, see if he will open up about any recent upset or trauma. Could it be anxiety or upset around COVID/not being in school etc. Try to keep your conversations around sleep etc low stress and help him to stay calm when thinking about his insomnia. The goal here is to stop it becoming a huge anxiety and taking hold. Melatonin can help too.

This was me, let him read. I lay there in the dark for hours it was horrendous. I was given some tablets from the chemist which only caused me angst as I couldn't swallow tablets. I also found listening to talk radio at a low volume helped.

My dd has been through this twice now, once aged about 10 and then again at 13/14. She got herself so worked up just lying there every night watching the time ticking by.
The first time, lavender and a meditation app seemed to work quite well. We downloaded a free one and then I think I paid for some extra content as it was helping her. Second time the meditation didn’t help. She used the tisserand sleep blend oils on her pulse points and I tried to get her in the habit of reading in bed even if it was late, just so she wasn’t clock watching. She also used Bach Night time rescue remedy to calm her mind. I think it must be related to development/puberty as neither time she’s had any changes in lifestyle or any problems in school etc. And both times it’s kind of rectified itself eventually.

I noticed you said "trying to restrict screentime". How much does he have?

I suspect there's an awful lot of teen boys who can't sleep at the moment, solely because they are on screens all day and perhaps into the night.

Of course it could be entirely irrelevant to the OP's DS! Just a thought though.

My husband has bouts of horrible insomnia and he uses Rescue Remedy Night-time. I don't know how it works but it does. Also Badger Balm sleep is very good. You can get them both at Boots.

Make his bedroom as cool as you can. Give him a sheet to sleep under if he has a duvet, as being too warm makes it harder to sleep. Pen and paper next to his bed so if there's anything he's worrying about, he can "get it out of his head" and look at it again in the morning. Deep breathing exercises can help (look them up online).