AIBU about husband’s friend visiting?

[SquarePeggyLeggy]

I’m in Australia, where restrictions are lifting. We can have overnight guests. So legally/ethically the following is ok. But I’m blown away and need to vent this.
My husband’s bestie (lifelong friend, but lives far away) wants to come and visit when state borders open next week. So as soon as it’s allowed, he would come.
We have 3 kids, the youngest is 14 months old. She doesn’t sleep.
He asked to come, but suggested a week, which I actually think is a rudely long time to stay with people with a baby unless you’re doing their chores alongside them and really pitching in or are immediate family in which case, I STILL think household help is reasonable and considerate. BUT I’m very introverted and find houseguests stressful at the best of times so can accept my ideas of acceptable visit lengths may be short by others standards.

He’s also expressed that he’d like to spend the time “half-half” with the family, and half with my husband going to pubs or on outings.

AIBU to think this is rude and inappropriate? It feels like: ditch the kids with your wife and take me out for half a week. While I also stay in their home?!

I’m also not comfortable with suddenly going back to houseguests all of a sudden. COVID concerns and also disturbing the baby reasons.

This man does not have kids. He’s in a relationship, but he works in hospitality. Our lives and hours are very different. I don’t feel he’d be deliberately inconsiderate, I imagine he’s just utterly oblivious to the demands of family life and what staying with a baby who doesn’t sleep would actually be like? I think he wants to see his friend one on one without realising what a huge sacrifice that would actually mean for everyone else.
I’ve said no way. My husband is clearly disappointed but said it’s “whatever I’m comfortable with”. Which makes me madder, can he not see it’s an inappropriate suggestion?! Or AIBU?
I’ve suggested my husband go there. That way they get their one on one time, and there’s no risk of waking a baby. But I think his friend is offended. And I look like a bit of a cow?

[Mascotte]

Neither am I sure there's really extra work involved in having one adult staying, especially one who's keen to get out and about with his pal.

I really think you should try to relax and let them enjoy themselves. I'm no great fan of visitors, but this sounds ok.

[ChristmasFluff]

I don't even have my friends stay for a week and my son is 18 and we sleep well.

Full-blown extroverts just don't get how very wearing it is to have house guests when you are not an extrovert.

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

YANBU.

Your DH is being an obtuse jerk for pretending he doesn't get it and explain it to his friend himself.

[DilemmaADay]

Also how bloody offensive are some of you saying that the friend is a manchild because he wants to see his friend for a week and has committed the crime of not having a family. Poor bloke might not be able to have kids for all we know. He may have been stuck in on lock down and thought "oh I know I'll spend some time with OPsDH for a catch up, I'll come to him so hes not having to travel to me, and I'll go out so we're not under OPs feet all day" .... im sure sure he would help as well, he just hasn't mentioned it as he doesnt know if hes been allowed to come yet!

All the pearl clutchers on here are hilarious, stamping their feet if their DH dared to have one night out with a friend because friends arent necessary when you have a family. All childfree people are manchildren luring their DHs away on a forbidden night out. These childfree people must be too stupid to realise when someone procreates they must have zero social life outside their inner family circle as everyone else is a massive inconvenience.

I'm saying this as someone with a partner, child and stepchild. Some of you need to get a grip

[2007Millie]

@ChristmasFluff

I am a massive introvert. I will avoid public spaces/gatherings/getting involved etc as much as possible and yet even I think OP is being v unreasonable

[2007Millie]

@DilemmaADay

You are my type of friend.

[DilemmaADay]

@2007Millie

You are mine too

[Notcoolmum]

You don't have a newborn. With a 14 month old you must have a routine established? Are you working?

I see marriages as a partnership so none of this 'letting' or 'stopping' someone from doing things. Is your husband genuinely a decent guy and a good dad? Does he pull his weight in the home? Would he begrudge you time with your friends?

You don't stop being individuals when you are married and have a family. And having some downtime is important to you both. I'd try and work out what is bothering you the most? That your husband wants to spend time away from you and the kids? Having his friend in the house? The length of time? And see if there are some things you can compromise on. I'd hate to be in a relationship where I wasn't able to see my friends. They are important to me.

[birthdaybelle]

@onalongsabbatical take the kids. I did it quite a lot when mine were small. We had some lovely breaks away with friends. I didn't have a partner to leave lol! But still...

[birthdaybelle]

Assuming OP can have a similar arrangement soon

[Sasaz]

I think you are being unreasonable. I would of been happy to do this at 4 months let alone 14 months. Not unreasonable that he wants to spend time with his friend alone or cone for a week when it’s interstate. When I visit my friends interstate we do things as a family and by ourselves.