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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my kids to wait until I am off the stairs?

26 replies

RoseMartha · 14/06/2020 21:19

Particularly in reference to when I am carrying a hot drink or heavy laundry basket but also as a general incident.

They can never wait until I am up or down and barge past me when I am half way. I taught them to wait as young children, now as young teens they dont care.

I set good example and always wait if they are already on the stairs for them to exit stairs when I need to use them but curtesy is never returned. I speak to them about it and as I said they dont care, and think I should move out the way.

I am putting this down to teen behaviour and try not to make a big deal, or should I be pulling them up on it as bad manners?

OP posts:

Cooper88 · 14/06/2020 21:22

Pull them up on it. It is bad manners and also not safe, if they do it to you what's to stop them doing it to others who are not so stable in there feet. I must admit behaviour like that from any of mine gets a talking to, a warning and then a punishment until they learn. It's amazing how a day without any electronics internet etc can pull a teen into line 😂

UserFriendly14 · 14/06/2020 21:25

We were always told it was bad luck to pass on the stairs! But yes, definitely where hot drinks and laundry is concerned.

MitziK · 14/06/2020 21:37

Pull them up on it. And be as strong/harsh about it as possible.

It's the major cause of ankle and leg injuries in secondary school.

Hadjab · 14/06/2020 21:45

Why would you not pull them up on it? It’s bad behaviour.

Pipandmum · 14/06/2020 21:55

Bad manners. My teen son sometimes seems oblivious and I need to point it out that he should wait and he will.apologise. My daughter will always wait (not that it often happens that we are both on the stairs at the same time).

2bazookas · 14/06/2020 21:58

I'd send them straight back upstairs to stay in their room.

EnidsCrochetCorner · 14/06/2020 22:01

There is no way they are getting past me, they have to go back to the bottom or the top wherever they started from. It is just plain rude.

We always had a no playing on the stairs, you are either up or down, no stopping and only one person on the stairs. I sound like a killjoy but I assure you there are more appropriate places to mess around

Definitely pull them up on it.

TW2013 · 14/06/2020 22:06

With the laundry basket you could hold it to one side, to block the stairs or whenever you see them on the stairs pass it to them and thank them for saving you the effort of going all the way up or down the stairs!

It is rude and dangerous.

Poppinjay · 14/06/2020 22:35

I speak to them about it and as I said they dont care, and think I should move out the way.

You're the adult who makes the rules in your house. If one of the rules is not pushing past people on the stairs, they need to obey it. It's common sense anyway.

How do you implement boundaries in your house? Is this part of a bigger issue.

Original poster

RoseMartha · 14/06/2020 23:20

Ok thanks I wondered if I was being too sensitive it would seem I am
not, will start to implement a consequence.

@Poppinjay
Usually they get two chances this is for any behaviour issue or breaking house rules and me explaining what consequence will be and third time a consequence. Eg no internet or device for set time. If it is a big thing they get an immediate consequence.
(One has asd and other issues).

OP posts:

TeaAndBrie · 14/06/2020 23:23

I would send them back up/or down and wait until I had finished using the stairs, they will soon get the message!

NeutrinoWrangler · 14/06/2020 23:42

They think you, the parent and the person who was on the stairs first, should make way for them?! And they told you this?

That's very rude and disrespectful. They'll learn to "care" soon enough, if they're consistently called on it and inconvenienced by it (by sending them back up or down to wait, as PP suggested)-- and if they persist in ignoring you, punishments are in order.

Poppinjay · 14/06/2020 23:44

It sounds like you’ve got boundaries sorted 🙂

You’re not being over-sensitive. It’s basic politeness to step back when someone else is on the stairs and wait. It’s also a lot safer.

2 DDs with ASD here and they have both always waited. I just need to work out how to get the dogs to do it!

Yeahnahmum · 15/06/2020 00:20

When you walk down with their laundry let them bump into you and drop all their shit all over the stairs. And then leave it there

Flipflopsaga · 15/06/2020 00:27

I would raise my voice and be firm. Say "Get back upstairs/downstairs NOW. This is for our safety" Do not say please. If they do as you have asked, when you reach upstairs/downstairs safely, raise your voice again and say THANK YOU!

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 15/06/2020 00:32

You aren't being sensitive. I am of a different generation to your teens but the thought of shoving past my mother on the stairs gives me chills. It definitely wasn't the done thing in my childhood home!

FleurDaxeny · 15/06/2020 00:39

I am putting this down to teen behaviour and try not to make a big deal,

What the hell is teen behaviour? There's no reason whatsoever to tolerate any bad or rude behaviour from a teen. You wouldn't accept it from a toddler, but you would understand why they don't grab the concept fully. Teens have no excuse whatsoever.

It's your job as a parent!

MarinePsychiatrist · 15/06/2020 01:07

I am putting this down to teen behaviour and try not to make a big deal, or should I be pulling them up on it as bad manners?

Both? Teens are often thoughtless. Doesn't mean you shouldn't point that out to them!

Hollyhobbi · 15/06/2020 02:12

My mum fell down the stairs while carrying one of my sister's in her arms. She was also pregnant with my youngest sister at the time. Luckily none of them were seriously injured. So OP your teenagers need to cop on and have respect for you.

Whataloadofshite · 15/06/2020 02:43

Threaten to confiscate WiFi, that'll definitely stop them.

TehBewilderness · 15/06/2020 03:36

Spray bottle as a training aid.
Srsly! You should not have to tell them twice how to behave on stairs. What they are doing is dangerous.

chocolateequinox · 15/06/2020 03:51

Anybody should wait until somebody else has finished coming down/up the stairs, it's basic manners.

EmbarrassedUser · 15/06/2020 12:56

So annoying. After years I’ve managed to train DS (17) However, DH’s two (16 and 10) who are with us fortnightly still barge past us on the stairs and through doors. So blooming annoying 🤬 We try to pull them up on it but as we don’t have them full time like my DS it isn’t working.

TheCanterburyWhales · 15/06/2020 12:57

You aren't being sensitive. You're being soft and letting them get away with bad, and potentially dangerous behaviour.

Poppinjay · 15/06/2020 13:16

We try to pull them up on it but as we don’t have them full time like my DS it isn’t working.

That has nothing to do with how much you have and and everything to do with them not respecting your boundaries.

You need to stop them every time and insist that they stand backa nd waitt for you to clear the doorway/stairs. If you are calm and completely consistent, they will soon learn.

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