To wonder if people share too much bad news with small DC?

[Rainallnight]

I’ve seen some stuff on social media lately about friends and acquaintances with kids aged about 3 or 4 who are very worried about coronavirus and the violence on the streets of London yesterday.

Am I wrong in thinking that the parents exposed them to too much detail and they wouldn’t be so worried if they knew less? And that knowing less is fine and totally appropriate for that age?

I’ve kept the coronavirus info very minimal with my small DC and on a need-to-know basis only. ‘There’s a bug going round, we need to wash our hands, some stuff is closed, they’re looking for a medicine to fix it’. And I wouldn’t dream of letting them see the ugly scenes in London yesterday.

That’s not to say I shield them from all harsh realities - they’re adopted and have an age-appropriate understanding of why they had to be removed from their birth parents. And we’ve had two major deaths in the family in the past two years and we’ve been honest about what’s happened. But I feel these are things that have more directly intruded into their lives and so they need to know.

Any thoughts?

I admit, when I see people talking about young kids being very upset and crying about coronavirus or other things in the news, I wonder why the kids know so much about these things. I think it's better to wait until they're a bit older to go into detail.

Yes, that’s exactly my thinking.

Knowing less doesn't always mean dc are less anxious. It depends on whether they have an idea that there is more to know but no one is telling them - that could be very anxiety provoking.

While I would agree that info should be age appropriate, I'd much rather my dc heard about the major things happening in the world from me than another source.

I also think it's important that we speak with dc about the BLM protests. I also wouldn't share violent images, but I think they need to understand about the institutional racism that has caused the protests.

Obviously some of this depends on age. My dc are 7 and 9. My initial explanation of Covid was similar to the op's but they had a lot of questions, so I had to choose between not answering or telling them more.

Totally agree with you. Same as parents calling for schools to be open because they're worried about their 5 year olds mental health. Exams, teenagers yes but there's no reason at all for young children to be exposed to worry and anxiety, and parents should be protecting them from that.

To add - my dc have not been distressed by this info.

I think with coronavirus they are aware that they can't see GPs, go to nursery, play with friends, etc. So it's hard to hide from them even if you don't go into details they may be upset by the change in their lives.

Mine (3 going on 4) isn't too upset but does get a bit annoyed with no being able to do stuff.

Things that don't directly effect them, protests, etc, mine isn't aware of.

No one distressed here, and they all understand the basics. Children are less distressed by facts than the prevailing mood and vibe around them.

To an extent that only works if you only have very young DC and can shield them from all discussion of the news.
I have a 2 and 6 year old and don't have the news on at home, but also have older children who watch Newsround at school - it's inevitable there will be some discussion.

totally agree.
Share the basics in a child friendly way.

No 3 year old should be watching the news. This is one reason why I disagree profoundly with people who have the TV on continuously i the background. Your kids absorv much more than you think they do.

I am all for teaching kids things in an age appropriate way, but if you let them watch the violent scenes on the news, how is that different to a 15 film with violence in it?

It's not how much but how you discuss it. You have to use age appropriate language. I however do believe that the earlier you speak to your kids about everything, the less anxious they will grow to be. My parents did and I've always been grateful for that as the worse is always to wonder what awful things people might be keeping from you. At least when you know, you have means to cope with it.

Ice adopted the same attitude with my kids and they too have told me, now adults that they really appreciated it. They are both non anxious people.

I feel exactly the same op. I don't understand the need to share upsetting and frightening information/images to young children. They won't fully understand, and it's just going to make them feel unsafe and scared, why would anyone want to do that to their child. Yes explaining current events/issues that could affect them, in an age appropriate matter, is important for our children some degree, and like you we've told our 5 & 3 year old the basics of the coronavirus situation, explained that some people can get really very poorly from it, which is why we have to stay home, wash hands, etc to keep ourselves and others safe. Our 5 year old asked very matter of factly if people die if they catch it, so we told her the honest truth how, yes, sadly some people can and have died (lots infact), but also alot of people have been poorly and got better. She agreed with the importance of staying safe, washing hands, and understands why the world has suddenly changed, without being traumatised from the information she's been given. I don't see the need to share the rioting information with them as they're too young to understand the implications of what and why this is happening. They have very close BAME friends, and understand that we are all equal no matter our skin/hair/eye colour, and their pure love for eachother is not something I'd like to taint with "some people don't think we're all equal, look what's happening in London"... I think at their age showing them images of people fighting over race, will just lead to confusion on the matter. When they're older we will explain the history of slavery, and the events that have happened recently (as I think it is important) but not at this sort of age, no, let them be children, and let them experience the pure innocent love for one another, without knowing what racism is. Of course we will explain this when they're older, as I don't like the idea of sweeping it under the carpet, and pretending it never happened, but I don't see any positives of highlighting this to young children.

I have always had the radio on around my dc since they were babies so they hear the news daily and we discuss it if they want and I will answer any questions they have factually.

The only time I deliberately shielded them was the murder of Lee Rigby and when Grenfell happened as I knew both would be too much for them although with Grenfell they knew there was a big fire etc just didn’t see or hear some of the more distressing coverage.

I think the children you are talking about are more likely to be feeling frightened and anxious because they aren’t being given facts and knowledge so instead are worrying and becoming anxious.

Totally agree, a lot of parents at school (primary) had young kids very upset about the Manchester Arena bombings - why would 6/7 year olds need to know enough about what happened to be frightened?

My brother tends to have the news rolling on the TV, and so my niece has a lot of exposure to stuff that just isn’t age appropriate. We do have the news on the radio, but if it is something gruesome/graphic I turn the volume down.

Depends, mine 7-10 are aware of the virus but not scared. They know it's unlikely to affect them or us badly.
When it comes to things like BLM, I feel they are old enough to know about it, why people are protesting, and what's going on. They get the kiddie version - so have seen the news but again aren't scared or overwhelmed I hope. The older child has been told more about the racism and the fact that police hurt black people more than non blacks.
He knows how George Lloyd died, but has not seen the video.
TYhe younger one has been told about racism in a more general way.

Totally agree.
My DD is aged 11 and has taken to listening to the local radio. Since I bought her a pink, CD player for xmas. It’s very hard to discourage her as the only children’s stations are for much younger audience. But I cringe when I hear it cut to the news and mention murder and rape etc especially in her favourite parks.

I think it friends on how you discuss it with them. Even very young children are very much aware of things being wrong. No matter how much you shield them from the world, they hear about it, the pick up cue from others around them, etc. I always erred on the side of talking to my children about the news, and not hiding it from them. Certain things I may not have chosen to raise, but openly discussed when asked. But that would be the limit of restrictions I used.

Depends not friends!

I’ve kept the coronavirus info very minimal with my small DC

Maybe that sort of attitude explains the small shit child that came up and stood eighteen inches away from me in the park yesterday, stamping on its ball. No parent in sight. An older child (ten maybe) came over eventually and thought it was going to stand equally close until I asked if they'd never heard of social distancing.
Saw the youngest with (presumably) its mother about half an hour later; they emerged from a large group of 20-30 adults that sits in the park daily, so maybe neither child had, if the parents have no idea.

I think it is more about how they are told, rather than how much. I don't agree with completely hiding things from DC because they pick up a lot more than we realise. They only have to hear conversations in the street etc, to know something bad is going on, and it would be scary to think adults are hiding important things from them. I've told DS that the virus is not particularly dangerous to DC, but he needs to be really careful so he doesn't spread it to anyone vulnerable, and he is fine with that.

I think a lot of the time parents aren’t sharing news deliberately. They have the tv on constantly or don’t monitor what their dc are doing online. I completely agree that children need news in a balanced and age appropriate way.

I wondered this too when there was a questionnaire for children on Facebook, to basically ask your child questions about CV, such as what is it and why are we in lockdown and bla bla and I had a few on my facebook with just turned 4 year olds supposedly knowing quite alot about CV.

My just turned 4 year old however, has no clue about why she has been at home for 3 months and not going to playschool or seen nanny etc. Weve explained to her to wash her hands and keep distance (as much as she can) but not gone into details but why would she need to know?

My 7 year old is aware that the corona virus is a bad germ and we need to wash our hands and keep distance but that is about as far as she knows, again she doesnt need to know any more than that.

I had to explain a lot about the virus to 4yo DD, because her dad has a very serious illness and it could be very bad for him if he gets covid. However, I did it in an age appropriate way (no sad faces or panic inducing language) and she wasn't frightened or upset, instead she became very determined to help clean, and was extra vigilant with washing hands. Also said this is life now, it will be normal one day, and we get to spend a lot more time together at home in the mean time. She never asked to go to the park or go out because she knew she couldn't. We've spoken a bit about the protests but haven't felt the need to show her any riots or violence

My 6 year old and I spoke about why she had to do school at home (it was the last few weeks of term here), covid-19, social distancing (now that she has returned to the classroom), why her teacher isn’t teaching this term (shielding), why she couldn’t play in the park playground, why swimming lessons were cancelling and she understood the reason but we didn’t make it frightening.
More of a virus use cells as a photocopier to make more of themselves and our immune system reacts (or over reacts) making you unwell than it’s a scary monster and everyone will die.
But we don’t discuss death rates or watch the new in front of her.
We also get the Messy from Okido magazine for her which had a Virus issue which she found really interesting.

Our 3 year old was just stoked that she had everyone at home the whole time and had no care why we were.

I think for many parents being open and honest with DC isn't a bad thing at all. Mine at 14 and 9, so not little, but I've always been quite direct and straightforward with them, and neither has ever shown elevated anxiety or stress because of it.

Heaping your own problems onto DC isn't ok, but addressing real issues they might come across in the wider world is always sensible - it would be more scary to hear the issues happening and to not understand them a little more. Adults have the capacity to present information in ways their DC can process, understand and come to terms with - that's my general focus when I talk about politics and news.

There is a massive difference between children about stuff, and them hearing things on the radio, and seeing a full news coverage bulletin about it.

TV news is graphic and scary. It is designed to shock and be dramatic in the way the portray events.
It is usually 100% not appropriate for children.

BUT that does not mean the children shouldn't know, or be well informed. Kids will take their lead from you. Calm, matter of fact straightforward explanations, with reassurance where necessary, will not be a problem for any age, child.