Our social bubble is just getting bigger

[Myal]

DH visited his DS14 today as we usually have him EOW but he's been in trouble recently and massively behind on schoolwork.
Unbeknown to me, hes been staying at his grandmother's house for the last week who has had other people visiting and not socially distancing either from my DSS.

I care for my DM who's been shielding and hasn't stepped foot outside her house since late Feb (immunosupressed, renal transplant patient, 69 and with diabetes).

I'm now worried about DSS coming and staying the 2 nights next week. Staying 2 meters apart isn't an option as we have a 2 bedroom flat with a toddler who's 3.

DH has no idea when DSS will be returning back to his own home and it does sound like the entire family isn't taking lockdown rules seriously as theres lots of mixing.

AIBU to ask DH to just visit DSS for the next few weeks and not have him stay with us?

Yanbu. I'd be very concerned in your position.

Yanbu

YANBU, but not much will change in the next few weeks unfortunately. Will your step son take lock down seriously if the adults in his family aren't?

Do you wear any PPE when you look after your mum? Would it be an option to move in with her for a while? Not an ideal situation but the safest one.

I don't think it would be unreasonable, and I think you could do it without too much trouble so it might be worth it.

My sense is that what you are experiencing is the way it's gong to go more generally. More and more people are finding it impossible to maintain a bubble, they have family things that are coming up, work things, stuff that can't be put off. A friend of mine finally decided that even though they were bubbled elsewhere they had to start to include a family member who is seriously struggling with addiction issues, just as an example. Then another group of people are becoming increasingly unwilling. I've noticed that with some elderly people who are supposed to be careful, too. They aren't willing to stay alone when they might not have much time left. And of course work is a biggie and some jobs aren't really amenable to distancing even if people try.

It's one thing to say these people are wrong or foolish, but there is only so much we can do to modify human behaviour. Directives about opening up seems to be following what people are doing anyway to a certain extent. Before too long may come down to people caring for those who are shielded will have to shield as well if they want to maintain that level of isolation.

I also have a step son. And I truly adore him. He's just graduated university and wanted to come visit a few weeks ago. I made sure that he was following the social distance rules first, because I have an auto immune disease. He was, so I had no problems with it. But I honestly would have asked him not to come had he not been following social distance guidelines.

YANBU at all. I’d ask him to do what you suggest. If they refuse I would take my DC and if possible stay at DM’s so I could help her safely, until either DH agrees and backs you, or DSS living arrangement more solid and reliable

@Popc0rn

YANBU, but not much will change in the next few weeks unfortunately. Will your step son take lock down seriously if the adults in his family aren't?

Do you wear any PPE when you look after your mum? Would it be an option to move in with her for a while? Not an ideal situation but the safest one.

@Popc0rn, I don't. We started to but it's easy enough to carry out chores by socially distancing in her house. It's me and my sister who share the care for mum and we stay at least 3 meters away from her. Moving in means my toddler will have to stay indoors too which isn't really an option. We've all done well so far and it's worked. But, the bubble growing is causing me anxiety as it just feels like it's getting out of control.

@goosefoot, I completely agree with all you've said here. I don't judge others for what they've done in terms of widening their bubbles for reasons that can't be helped but it does seem like it's more a social thing for DSS mum and that side of the family. The amount of people that seem to have visited DSS at his grandmas house wasn't needed, they're clearly socialising.
And it's made me think what else their doing that we don't know about.
Like I said, it's their decision but now affecting my care towards someone vulnerable but I feel so much guilt asking DH making a decision over this. Feels like it's his son vs my mum....

Myal

Yes, it is a difficult choice to make. I guess my thought was, I suspect it will be soon that decisions are going to need to be made for how to manage for the long term for people like your mother, when things go closer to normal and people are socialising and such. So it might be worth thinking ahead to that now.

If you are staying 3 m from your mum I think things at least as safe as they would have been before CV.

Your mum is vulnerable and was before CV. There are many bacteria and virus around that are dangerous to her. Many of them are more prevalent now and could be spread to her more easily than CV with the incidence of CV in the community now.

I would Keep up hygiene, watch out for signs of any infection and act accordingly.

YANBU.

Some people seem to think that Covid is just a "flu/bad cold", but a very distant family member of ours who thought that, and was carrying on as normal, has just been admitted to hospital severely sick with covid.

As your Mum is shielding, you really need follow the lockdown rules.

If your in your mums house taking care of her then I'd be wearing full ppe as no different from carer coming in.