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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel hurt

19 replies

Logan129 · 13/06/2020 20:10

So been with my partner for 6 years now, we have two boys together youngest being just 5 weeks ole and oldest being 15 months.

We was watching tv when a proposal came up and I asked if he remembered how he got engaged to his ex and he said yeah and told me the story then I asked if he remembers how he proposed to me and he said that he could and I asked how and he didn’t have clue how he had proposed to me at all
Should I feel hurt that he can remember something that romantic with his ex but not with me?

OP posts:

CareBear50 · 13/06/2020 22:12

Oh OP bin not surprised you feel hurt!

Having said that, my DH thought he proposed one way. I disagreed n said it was another. In the end we just had s laugh about it because neither could remember!!

If the rest of your relationship works of keep that at the forefront of your mind.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/06/2020 22:15

He said he could remember proposing to you but then couldn’t? How long ago was it? Why did you ask about his proposal to his ex?

Sorry you’re upset. Sounds like an odd conversation to me.

cakecakecheese · 13/06/2020 22:33

Are you just upset about this conversation? It just seems like odd things to ask, is there more to this, you say you have a baby, have you been getting much support from your partner?

Funnyface1 · 13/06/2020 22:45

I don't know why you would ask him that. Seems like a conversation that could obviously go wrong.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/06/2020 22:51

Very odd line of interrogation.
It’s as if no matter how he answered them, you were looking to find fault and be upset by setting up a “Ex vs Me” prove you love ME more type of situation.
Do you have feelings of insecurity? Why is his Ex on your mind so much?

PumpkinP · 13/06/2020 22:54

Why did you ask about his ex. Odd

TheGirlWithAPrince · 13/06/2020 23:04

i also think you are lacking in self esteem .. I would never ask my long term partners about the Ex because i dont need to know, its awkward even thinking of my husband with another woman. i know he has an ex but dont want to know the details.

Original poster

Logan129 · 14/06/2020 06:46

He speaks to his ex daily. Like constantly, when we see his family they will talk about her. I was just curious. Not upset about the actual conversation just more that he could remember something so romantic like that with her but couldn’t remember with me.
He doesn’t give me no support with any of the children I have another one to a previous partner too who has autism and don’t get no support with him either. I’m basically a single mother. But we have his other 3 children over who he’s very hands on with.

OP posts:

WoollyMammouth · 14/06/2020 06:54

Well you’ve got major issues beyond remembering how he proposed to you. That’s the least of your problems.

LagunaBubbles · 14/06/2020 06:56

Did he give you support with your first child? Has he always talked to his ex every day? Why are you engaged and having children to someone useless like this.

emilybrontescorsett · 14/06/2020 06:59

Why does he speak to his ex daily?
How did they break up, was it a mutual decision?

Original poster

Logan129 · 14/06/2020 07:07

He ended it with her. He says they need to talk because she’s in an abusive relationship and needs to check on her. Whenever I say anything about it, it just ends in an argument with me being the one in the wrong. He helped about abit more than with our first our second wasn’t really planned. The hasn’t been well and we’ve been in and out of hospital with him having stopped breathing a few times. I do all that alone. I think I stay more because he got me to move him with him over 240 miles away from any of my family and friends and i don’t have anyone else around me here.

OP posts:

Original poster

Logan129 · 14/06/2020 07:09

The baby hasn’t been well

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 14/06/2020 07:12

Don't have anymore children with him, it really doesn't sound a very healthy relationship for you. The lack of memory of your proposal sounds the least of your problems.

WoollyMammouth · 14/06/2020 07:13

It’s not ‘helping’. He’s a parent same as you.

k1233 · 14/06/2020 08:10

If his memory of how he proposed to you is wrong, why do you think his memory of how he proposed to his ex is right? It's more likely he's wrong on both accounts isn't it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2020 11:50

You poor thing. I think you know your relationship isn’t good for you. Would he try to stop you moving back?

Original poster

Logan129 · 14/06/2020 13:48

@AnneLovesGilbert yeah he would he’s already said that if I moved home he would try have the boys taken from me so he could have full custody knowing that I would never leave them. And uses my mental health against me saying he would say I wasn’t fit to have them even tho I’ve never done anything to hurt them and never would

OP posts:

CoffeeBeansGalore · 14/06/2020 14:01

As he does very little with the children I doubt very much he would want full custody. This sounds like a bully threatening/manipulating you. Each update makes your situation sound worse.
I'm sorry, but it seems from what you have said that you are not high on his list of priorities and the lack of consideration, love, care & attention for you and the children is not good.
You have obviously already thought about leaving. Would your family back home be willing to support you to move back? If so I would seriously consider quietly making arrangements for some of them to come and get you away from this man.

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