How do you handle tantrums?

[StarScream22]

My daughter had her first ever tantrum today and I didn’t know what to do.
Luckily I was at my mums and not out in public.
It was over such a tiny and insignificant thing, I just left the room and left her to it but my mum and step dad pandered to her and I feel like it just made her hate me more for walking away. I’m terrified of this happening again in public.
What’s the best way to quickly diffuse a tantrum?

You think my daughter having a breakdown likely due to her father dying at the age of 26 of leukaemia is a stealth boast? What exactly do I have to boast about here?

Can’t imagine how tough life must be for you right now.
There are lots of support networks out there. Am sure you have heard of these but will link just in case

• winstons wish www.winstonswish.org/
• child breveamrnt UK

www.childbereavementuk.org/ -widowed and Young www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/

Look after yourself xx

Thankyou 🖤

Oh OP how hard your last year must have been. You are a strong lady dealing with three children after your partner died.

But in response to your OP I wouldn't punish no, at 3 they would be on the thinking step, but at 6 they need a chat. I would be sitting down when things are calmer just me and them and saying "how are you feeling"
Are you feeling ok?"
"You said some upsetting things to mummy earlier today and it really hurt my feelings."

Get her to open up more talk about the things we say and the effect they can have etc etc.

Sorry to hear about your tough time.

I would very rarely punish a tantrum.

I see them as outbursts when children just don't know the words to say.

Imagine feeling so very frustrated, but no having the full language capacity to explain your thoughts? You'd probably sit on the floor and scream.

My 6 year old has tantrums a LOT. I think it’s an age thing as a lot of her friends are the same. They’re no longer babies but not quite yet grown up enough to deal with their emotions. We quite often send her to calm down but then have a chat about what set her off and how she could deal with it differently next time. Mine is horrendously impatient which is usually the issue for us as I have two younger children to deal with. As it’s so out of character I think she definitely needs a cuddle and a chat, she’s probably as upset about it as you are you’ve all had a tough year and these months in lockdown will have exacerbated things

As a one off I wouldn’t punish. It’s sounds more like an emotional response rather than “I can’t have what I want”.
I’d try and get some 1:1 time with her and help her understand her reaction. If this is unusual behaviour for her she may be struggling to comprehend what happened and why.

I’m so sorry to hear your update OP.
I imagine your daughter is highly stressed and overwhelmed at being at your mums.
I would let it go too, it’s tough for everyone .

So sorry for you all. Took me until no 3 to work out how to handle tantrums - ‘I can see you’re upset, I’m sorry, I’ll be right here when you’re ready for a cuddle’. Take care x

Thanks for everyone’s help.
She came in to me this morning and apologised. We’ve had a lovely day and she’s been her normal lovely self. Fingers crossed it doesn’t happen again!

If she hadn't seen your mum for a while possibly in her mind she was extra excited about it and was REALLY looking forward to showing her the toy... the disappointment probably just made her snap. Grief does that. It's little things that feel overwhelming - and as a child, she doesn't know how to express it or deal with it. Having gone through 2 major bereavements myself the last couple of years, it was often the minor things that would push me over the edge - it would feel utterly overwhelming; as an adult with the knowledge that it was a grief reaction, I even struggled with what to do - as a child I wouldn't have had a clue what to do with myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss - you are both dealing with a lot. I hope she - and you - are okay.

6?!? Ignore, ignore, ignore!

That's what would happen if they were in school and had a paddy!

If they're 2 or 3, cuddle maybe, but if it's over something silly, still ignore!

Yes in the future I will ignore until she’s calmed down than chat to her properly.