FML - Teenage DC

[MadameBee]

Arrived today mid argument with DH.

Barely through the front door and he’s trying to involve me in a row he has had with DSD1 in the car (TBF she is really difficult and defiant atm). I am like “woah there hi DSDs, DH please don’t try to draw me in to the middle of a row”.

I make everyone tea. It’s a sunny evening, it’s 7pm. We are out of milk and DSD1 in particular gets though about 8 pints on a weekend so we ask her if she will please go to the shop and get some milk and some ice cream for desert, (shop is 1/4 of a mile away) she point blank refuses, answers back, eye rolls, sighs “I don’t want to” “I don’t feel like it” “I don’t care, you can’t make me”. I stay out of it as DH gets increasingly angry but step in when I think he’s about to go to far.

A few weeks ago they went to get milk and cake back with about £5 of sweets etc that we had not said they could get (we said one packet of sweets each). We tell them this is not ok and this is stealing (from us).

They eventually both walk to the shop for the milk, then phone and say the shop is closed, we tell them where the Costcutter is along the road, open till 10pm. They phone again, the shop is closed. I walk up there myself and don’t see them on my journey there, but milk and ask the guy if hes seen them, yes they were here 10 minutes ago and bought milk and sweets.

This shop is literally 5 mins walk from the house. I get home before them and they get back half an hour after, lying about where they got the milk from and when confronted lie and lie (their mother tells them to lie to us about stuff so they a) think it’s ok to lie and b) they apart their stories easily).

AIBU to be pissed off with my weekend being increasingly full of this shit, absolutely sick of being treated with absolutely no respect and lied to when I have always gone out of my way with them.

I did not take this behaviour from my own kids and DH is just constantly playing it down and keeping the peace.

*adapt their stories easily sorry.

How old are the children? Do they visit every weekend?
It's your house and I don't think you should have to just put up with it.
When they go to the shop could you give them a reduced amount to only cover what they are supposed to be buying.
If they were home late they probably weren't keen on going home because of the atmosphere with their dad.
I think you all need a frank discussion about house rules and respect

13 and 15.

They didn’t return because I saw them eating the sweets.

Do not give them any more money to go to the shop. Clearly they're not mature enough to do so.

Otherwise I'd say step back and let your DH handle it.

As in they went twice around the block to eat the sweets and hide the evidence.

I do step back.

I am just sick of my weekends being a war zone.

What does you stepped in when he was about to go too far, mean?

At 15, I’d have left it at, “won’t go to the shop, won’t have any milk” (8 pints in a weekend?!)

Stop getting involved - your husband needs to work this one out, and not by giving teenagers sweetie money. They can’t be trusted - so he needs to get the shopping.

Your husband should actually be more prepared, anyway. She shouldn’t answer back, of course she should go for milk if asked. But she’s still a child and he’s responsible for her being in his home. This wasn’t just an, “oh dear, out of milk” moment. If she gets through 8 pints a weekend, why didn’t he have that in? I might (as a teen) feel a bit “fucksake” about being sent out to do the shopping. I’m not exciting her rudeness, but I don’t think he’s helping himself there.

Fuck that. I would not give them any money at all, and I would keep some milk in a place that they can't find it.

They are absolutely taking the piss.

What a lot of fuss about nothing. Just get milk on your way home.

Seriously if you had your own 13 and15 year you'd understand.

I get mine of the same age to do chores around the house. They'll do laudrry, clean bathroom etc but I shop. Attitude is normal fora 15year old especially in the pandemic

What @CoRhona said.

Also interested in what dh 'going too far' means.

I can seriously understand your frustration. They clearly can't be trusted and lying I would punish.

Foxes157 - this is not normal behaviour for teens. And yes I have a 15 year old and has not and would not behave like this.

Why are they taking the piss. They are 13 and 15, they are getting some space from parents.

Mine of the same age are eating me out of house and home but because they live with mum and dad we're irresponsible

I am flat out working from home, DH is working elsewhere sometimes and coming back here with the girls.

I hadn’t got any shopping in as had asked in the kids were coming and he hadn’t replied, my DS is here eating me out of house and home.

I posted before about the 8 pints and posters said I was totally unreasonable to have an issue with it 🤷‍♀️

He is so unsure of his parenting he moved the goalposts constantly.

I always had firm boundaries which were revisited regularly

I am not in control now though.

@Foxes157

They are taking the piss because:

1. They spent money on sweets having been told not to previously
2. They lied about the shopping
3. Their attitude stinks

And as op says "pissed off with my weekend being increasingly full of this shit, absolutely sick of being treated with absolutely no respect and lied to when I have always gone out of my way with them."

@MadameBee I have three teens and one drinks gallons of milk - but if I asked him to go to the shop, or not have any more so we could have hot drinks, he would do that.

I don't see why your weekend is taken up with this crap. Can you be somewhere else? (Maybe not now, but when things ease?)

I know its not ideal beacuse they lied to you but do they get any money to spend on treats?. I have 4 teens and there are so many other power struggles going on especially at the moment with being stuck in & desperately wanting to see their pals. Couldn't their dadjust give them some to spend on themselves so that it doesn't end in them having to lie & it then becoming a battle?(oh & mine drink a ridiculous amount 9f milk too,!l)

They have behaved badly, but keeping it in perspective they are 13 and 15 they are just buying sweets not downing vodka...

I don't think I've ever sent my children, step or bio, up the shop for me. I suddenly feel like Ive been missing a trick.

Get enough milk for your cups of tea plus whatever's in the fridge. Put yours in a non see through container they wouldn't use. Then just be very very unavailable - no money no shopping no cooking. That's dads job for HIS children.

Maybe even go out/away a few weekends? 8 pints sounds incredible. Is she very overweight?

Clearly before they come someone (dad) has to go and get a gazillion pints of milk plus all the food they eat with his money. It's just about timing your busy-ness and urgent things that must be done now so they coincide with the impending arrival on SD.

Impending arrival OF SD I mean!

Your Husband needs to be dealing with these kind of issues with his children. But I wouldn't expect children of 13 and 15 to object to going to the shop for you, or sneaking about getting too many sweets etc. They obviously think that they can do as they please all the time, and they need to be told about this.or else things get out of hand all the time.

Your husband has two teens coming, one who drinks 8 pints of in a weekend, and he can’t be bothered to reply to you about them coming so that you can shop? (though why it’s you shopping and cooking isn’t clear?)

You have a husband problem.