Feeling very anxious after run in with neighbour

[Floralapron]

This is a neighbour who I normally get along with fine. We don’t talk loads, but they are pleasant/civil whenever we see each other.
There’s an issue with parking spaces outside our houses. We don’t have our own driveway or garage, so we park on the street. We each park outside our own houses.
Anyway when I drew up today someone was in my space and there was nowhere else to park on the street, short of walking halfway up our steep road otherwise. And I had my 20 month old with me.
I had a phone consultation so I ran in to do that, while keeping an eye on the window, so as to run back out and move it once the car in front of ours had gone.
Unfortunately halfway through my call, the neighbours turned up. I paused the call to go outside and apologise for being in their spot, also to say as soon as the other car moves I will move mine back. The person in question started getting very confrontational and passive aggressive. Saying things like “it’ll have to be okay won’t it?”.
Then I went back indoors after apologising to continue my call and they came past the window and gave me a throughly filthy look.

I already suffer with anxiety, and I’m feeling worse than ever since that altercation. I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m worried about another if it happens.

Not sure what to do for the best now. I hate confrontation.

The 'rule' doesn't work if it's a made up rule between you and your neighbours. What about people who aren't in on the 'rule'. This is such a nonsensical arrangement, you and your neighbours do not own the road outside your respective houses! I would opt out of 'the rule', as, o, that way madness lies...

We all park on the street and while everyone tries to park in front of their own houses if they can, ultimately, we have to take what's available. So I frequently have a neighbour's car in front of my house and they have mine! No one cares. If they did, they'd be ignored!

What we can't stand are people from a nearby apartment block (we're in a city) who park on our street to avoid paying for the apartment's parking garage. They're not supposed to leave vehicles there for more than 24 hours, so we call the city to get them towed if they stay more than a couple of days.

It’s not their spot. Park where you can and don’t worry.
I would park there on purpose if they were passive aggressive with me but I’m an idiot sometimes.

It must be the area as people are so strange about parking here. The other side next door neighbour knocks on doors if someone is parked outside his house and I’ve known some to put plant pots down to stop people parking in front of their house. It’s madness!

I think because of my anxiety I do replay conversations in my head and I also have this weird thing where I want everyone to like me (which is ludicrous I know) but I get very upset if someone seems to dislike me, especially if I feel I haven’t done anything wrong or I’m not in the wrong.

She’s the one who should be feeling anxious, not you. She’s shown herself up to be a rude, entitled cow.

What is it that’s bothering you specifically about it? Is it what she thinks of you? Having to see her again? Are you worried about any comeback?

It’s worth taking time to get comfortable with confrontation, whether that be by therapy or self-help, as if you shy away from asserting yourself this will have a big cumulative effect on your life and you will fall short of your potential.

It’s ok to stand up for yourself. Her feelings are hers and hers alone and you’re not responsible for them. She doesn’t own the road and you did nothing wrong.

Make that paragraph above into an affirmation for yourself.

Don’t worry about it. If he gives you any hassle get him told that you’ll always try not to park in his space but bearing in mind you have a small child and someone was parked in yours it couldn’t be helped on one occasion.

We have the same rule here. You park outside your own house. If you can’t because someone else is there you park anywhere. It doesn’t matters if it’s next door or twenty houses down the street you will be inconveniencing someone, you’ll be outside their house. But it can’t be helped if there are visitors. It’s always worst if (pre CV) someone was having a party and ten cars would be trying to park and possibly be there overnight. That’s life.

Some people get so precious about the space outside their house!

We have a lady here who will watch where you park, and come out and ask you to move if you park outside her house - even though she doesn't drive or own a car

It's daft. Of course people would prefer to park outside their homes but lots of households have two or more cars so it's not always going to be possible. It's a stupid thing to get worked up about imo.

Putting plant pots is causing an obstruction. What happens if the emergency services need to come out.

Don't worry about it. You were in the right and very accommodating.

I had someone do it to me on my street. Parking is a free for all but he pulled up behind my car one day just after I'd got out of mine and started shouting at me to move it, calling me all sorts of names. I suggested he park in the space next to it and started calling me a fucking bitch and threatening to smash my car up. I shrugged and said I'm not moving it. He got out to intimidate me and didn't like it when I squared up to him and repeated that I wasn't moving my car

It’s a man who I had the run in with, with I think is partly making me more anxious.

In answer to your questions @Tolleshunt yes, it’s what he (and his wife) think of me that worries me, if they’re like this over the parking space, I’m worried that something had been bubbling for a while, although I don’t know what because I’m nothing but pleasant to them.
I’m also concerned about the next time I see him/them and how things will be.

go outside and apologise
this was a mistake, you have nothing to apologise for, you subordinated yourself to them and they exploited this to further subordinate you.
Ignore them.

didn't like it when I squared up to him
well done for holding your nerve but still seems kinda risky to call his bluff, could you have taken him if it kicked off?

We have a lady here who will watch where you park, and come out and ask you to move if you park outside her house
I wish there was one in my road, I'd have hours of fun with that:o

Don't get anxious about this, there is nearly always someone in a street, who gets uptight about a car being parked , in what they say, is the wrong place. I would just feel sorry for them being a member of the Nit picking brigade.

Unless the pavement is dipped for drive access, why would you even apologise? You did nothing wrong! Sometimes you just have to say Fuck 'em.

So he said “it’ll have to be okay won’t it?” which is passive aggressive

But you haven't said in what way/how he became very confrontational?

Firstly neither you or your neighbour have the “right” to park in front of your own houses. It’s pure luck as to whether you get to park there. So there’s no “my space” or “their space”.
Secondly I wouldn’t have gone out and apologised. All you’ve done is fed into your neighbour’s belief that they own the space in front of their house.

Our late ( thankfully ) neighbour used to try and police on street parking, especially outside his house - going out in the rain to move his car by two yards if he had had to park a little bit out if line with his house. It was an obsession and extended to ‘unknown’ cars or vans daring to park anywhere.

His (unlamented ) memory lives on in the road, in the phrase ‘ doing a Colin’ . I was talking to a neighbour 5 doors down whilst lugging my shopping In - saw a car had pulled out from outside my house and the neighbour said ‘ quick, you can do a Colin for the rest of your shopping ‘.

What an epitaph to a life.

Don’t worry you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s just the joys of not having your own driveway, sometimes you don’t always get the space outside your own front door. Your neighbour sounds pretty childish.

Arsehole neighbour. You’ve done nothing wrong OP. Let it go and try and relax.

Least said soonest mended, that's what I always say.

Lots of neighbour fall-outs on here lately. People are fed up with the whole situation and are becoming angry/irritable. Agree with others though OP, no one owns the road.

Why on earth did you put your conference call on hold and rush out to apologise? They don't own the road outside their house ffs. I hate people like this. Unless you're blocking someone in, or parked across a driveway, then you're not at fault in any way at all. Don't let your anxiety tell you that you are in the wrong. Next time you see the neighbours in question, just smile brightly and say hello. Don't you dare apologise again!!

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