To tell my husband off?

[Sarahlovescoffee]

I always make breakfast, lunch and dinner and we all sit down together for each meal with our 1 year old. He frequently goes on his phone chatting to his friends on WhatsApp. I told him to stop texting today as I told him he is rude and that I want it to be family time when we are eating.
Was I being unreasonable?

Doesn't exactly sound like a discussion so yes

YABU to say that you 'told him off' like he's a naughty schoolboy.

YANBU to be annoyed and ask him to put it down though. It's incredibly rude to be staring at a phone through a meal.

Not at all. We have a no phones at the table rule when we eat together. And it’s a bad example to set to your little one.

He can do what he wants, he doesn't need telling off he's not a child. Let him know you think it's rude?

Yanbu but of course it depends how you said it.

Telling him off is not OK. He is an adult.

Having a discussion about what table manners you wish to instill in your children, fine. If you jointly decide that no phones at the table is a house rule then, fine. You deciding the rules unilaterally when he obviously doesn't see eye to eye is not OK.

YABU to be solely in charge of preparing all meals, unless your husband is completely physically or mentally incapacitated.

I wouldn't tell my dp off like a small child and I certainly wouldn't expect to such a telling off from him. It sounds like he doesn't really want to eat together and have family time for every single meal (I wouldn't either tbh)so maybe discuss that?

Why are you telling him off like a naughty child?

It might be better to discuss how it makes you feel rather than just telling him off.

I do regularly have to remind my DH of the same thing sigh

I know it's a nice thing to eat with your children. Supposedly. However it definitely doesn't need to be every meal and personally I found eating with a 1 year old a bit stressful and not relaxing at all. Also the times that a 1 year old eats are not the times I like to eat.

We tried to eat lunch together for the most part (husband wasn't there 5 lunches out of 7)and the obviously we ate out as a family, but our evening meal was a child free zone because I hate eating earlier than 7.30. They are adults now and still seem to have developed a love of social eating and good table manners.

It would irritate me beyond measure to have the times of my 3 meals a day be at the dictate of someone else. I might rebel too.

I hope he didn’t get jelly and ice cream for dessert?

I should have asked. Does your husband want to eat every meal as a family?

Telling him off like a naughty child? Well, yes! Because he is acting like a child, not picking up on adult situations, modifying his self satisfying, solo actions and behaving like a father, a partner.

At some point in life you get treated as you act!

Yanbu but of course it depends how you said it.

I disagree. I would stop cooking meals for someone so rude.

My views may be skewed because I'm also someone who reads at the table. If I don't have a book I read the back of a cereal packet. Are phones the new novel?

YABU for telling him off, he isn't a child. You could have asked him and told him how you felt but you were rude and demanding.

I would find this very annoying, and if it was a regular thing, I would not sit down to eat with the person who is addicted to a phone. But sadly, you never actually see anyone these days, who is phone free.

I'd stop cooking for someone who was so rude but then again I'd express my opinion of his rudeness probably by binning said dinner before issuing dictats

'I might rebel too.'

Really? You wouldn't just say 'I don't really like eating with the baby/at this time, can we eat later?'. You'd rebel against your partner like a teenager against your parents?!

Yanbu

Phones at the table is very rude, especially if he’s actually having a discussion with other people, meaning that you have to be quiet and “out of the way”.

I don’t think “tell off” is the right language but you can let him know that if you’ve cooked, you consider it unreasonable of him, and won’t be cooking for someone who does this. It’s hugely disrespectful.

When he cooks the meal he can do as he likes.

What is he doing between meals?

If nothing, then I'd say he's got plenty of time to engage with his phone then.

If he's busy & meal times are also a break, then perhaps?

Idk, three family meals every day sounds hard work to me!

I like my breakfast in peace & quiet!

In lockdown we often talk about what is on our phones, who we are talking to, what we've seen while eating. Sometimes one of us will ask the other to put their phone away. As a goal, it would be nice to have no phones at the table. But I think currently, we'd run out of things to talk about!

You'd rebel against your partner like a teenager against your parents?!

I don't have to rebel against my partner because we are both grown adults who make our own minds up about when we eat breakfast and lunch or at least have a conversation about it first. My husband is working from home and some days he doesn't even stop for lunch or it's a 10 minute break at 3 in the afternoon. Routine can be tricky of maybe some don't like routine. Our evening meal is eaten together at about 8 pm because that's what we agreed decades ago. If one of us wanted to change that then we would also discuss it.

The way the op wrote it sounded like she was driving the eating together and when, but perhaps the op will come back and correct me. Always happy to admit when I'm wrong.

Having said all that neither of us would like it if the other was always on their phone at mealtimes, but I would be more bothered about the evening meal. I do think breakfast and lunch are more casual meals and a bit of time messaging people wouldn't offend me.