AIBU to think now is not the time for this...??

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

DH has always been a massive fan of a fad diet..! At the moment he has a hernia that is stopping him from running, so he has put some weight on. So he has decided he is going to go on a super strict lo/no carb diet...

We are a family of 5 - DD16, DD13, DD10, 3 being homeschooled, us both working from home...AIBU to think now is just not the time for this..!

He has set up his own Tesco order just for his food (all seems to be meat and salad) and we haven't to use that....

My DD13 has ARFID so needs separate meals because she won't eat what we eat. DD10 hates this and has tantrums because she wants the simple stuff that DD13 has. I've had gastric surgery and I don't eat much so I generally make something for 2 people (DH and DD16 - lots of 2 portion chicken dishes from Asda type things) and have a little myself.

I've been making soup and sod bread for lunches - with him not eating that there is no point for just me.

If he is making his own food it really screws with recipes and amounts etc for me to make something essentially for DD16 and me - so about a person and a third worth...

He says it going to be no hassle as he'll do his own ordering and cooking but I just feel that with everything else going on its just NOT WHAT I NEED right now...!!!!

And its a fad and he'll just moan all the time as that's what he normally does...!

IABU - He is going to cook and order his own stuff, how is that really a problem
IANBU - Its just too much to throw into the melting pot right now.

DD2's ARFID means her diet is very restricted - and of course its restricted to "appealing child food" - nuggets, chips, pizza...she does like a chicken korma...

DD3 sees this and went sit - most of the time we say no and she has what DH, Me and DD1 are having but its difficult for her. Why is she having to have healthy stir fry and DD2 is getting a hot dog...so sometimes its just not worth the battle.

DD1 has started cooking the main meal on a Wednesday - last 3 weeks DD3 has refused to have any of what her sister has made - for spurious reasons (a sudden dislike for sausages, or for cheese).

DD1 often joins us for soup and soda bread (apologies for the typo) but often doesn't....DH normally eats a lot of soup at lunchtime...DD1 doesn't always have it....I eat very little (gastric surgery) so its an pfaff and an effort to make it for me with the amounts that I eat. DD2 and DD3 won't eat soup of any description.

I'm aware that DD2''s disorder is causing problems for DD3 and creating food issues - even fake ones - for her.....but what DD2 eats is appealing stuff for a 10 year old. I think very few people with AFRID eat tonnes of yummy healthy veg - it tends to be a fixation on the beige...

Can't you all have meat and salad/veg as the foundation of your meal and then have sides of chips, nuggets etc for the younger/fussier? As for lunch, I'd just knock the soup on the head and let people make sandwiches or salads as they wish. I wouldn't be making it all for them.

In a nutshell it’s not fair he’s just doing his food and you have to do rest. What if you said oh I’ll just order and cook my own. There are D.C. to feed. Can he show you his food plan and then you can decide how to adapt it so eg he cooks fajitas - he has no wrap, some have with wrap, dc with disorder has nugget wrap etc.

Now it sounds like it’s just because you want soup for lunch...

I made the best soup I have ever made last week - Thai roasted veg - it was gorgeous - but its nonsense to do it just for me when I have so little...Although DD1 did like that one...

Could you not freeze the soup into individual portions?

You really need to read that post back and recognise your disordered eating, and address it.
The nonsense is to not make something you like - when it’s easily refrigerated or frozen - because you don’t eat much.
You sound like you are revelling in how little you eat, and that is disordered eating just as much as fad dieting or ARFID. You should talk it through with a professional.

She doesn't each much because she's had some sort of gastric surgery (gastric band?), not because it's a fad!

OP this would piss me off too. It's a very "I'm alright Jack" attitude while leaving you to try and balance everyone's preferences/issues.

I would put the older two and DH on a dinner each per week, but you'll just have to suck up whatever they chose to make for everyone. Then you've only got the other 4 days to worry about and you could probably batch cook for that

Why don't you cook and shop for yourself, dd1 and dd3, all of whom could easily eat the same meal. Your DH is then responsible for shopping and cooking for himself and dd2.

Not a day goes by on this forum where I don't read a thread that makes me giddy with relief to be single.

I think YABU to get annoyed at his diet when he has already said he will take full responsibility for ordering and cooking it. You can't and shouldn't police what he is eating.

I fail to see how this really affects you.

Also.....meat, salad and vegetables is one of the healthiest diets possible. No one actually needs bread or other refined carbohydrates.

I say good on him. And you should be supportive of him making a healthy change.

@justchecking1 the issue is not that the OP eats small portions, for whatever reason that is. It’s that she comes out with nonsense like not being able to make soup because 1.3 people eat it. Soup. Probably the most easily batch prepared and frozen meal you can have. It feels to me that OP is rather too focused on her small portion sizes by the number of times she’s mentioned and by how irrelevant it is to cooking. That’s why I think she possibly has disordered eating just as much as someone on a fad diet.

I absolutely do not revel in how little I eat - I had gastric sleeve surgery 3 years ago and I’m still big. I actually eat very healthily - my eating isn’t disordered at all - it’s just little

So why don’t you just make soup and freeze?

I guess I can - it just feels a bit pointless for just me.

The 'just for me' bit is what makes you sound like you have disordered eating tbh.

You're a human adult who needs to eat. You deserve to eat what you want to.

So make the soup and freeze it 'just for you'.

cant you just all have the same and he doesn't have the carbs? Meat/fish and salad/veg plus you have some rice/pasta/potatoes?

It seems unfair to be disparaging of him turning to fad diets when you resorted to a gastric sleeve - so you know that weight loss isn’t a simple thing for everyone.

YANBU about him deciding his Tesco order is for him only though! Unless he didn’t actually refuse to put other things on it, and was just planning his food instead of expecting anyone else too.

And it isn’t “just for you”. It’s for one and possibly two children.

This is bloody odd. You have 3 DD, 2 with food issues. You have had disordered eating to the point where you've needed gastric surgery. DH is trying to nip his own weight gain in the bud by low carbing (I'm not sure this is a fad diet - isn't this how the cavemen/women ate?) and you aren't happy with this.

What is happening with DD2's ARFID? Is she under some kind of desensitisation program? How are you attempting to help her eat normally?

What will happen to DD3 once she's got some money in her pocket and is able to go to the shops independently? Do you think there's a chance she'll go nuts with the sweets/crap? At the moment, she sees one person getting to eat exactly what they want while she has to get what she's given. There's a fair chance she'll end up as a potential gastric patient herself if things don't change.

I see where you are coming from but none of the four of us eats the same meal apart from rare occasions.

So I cook for example chicken breast which I have with salad, dd12 has with veg and gravy, dh eats with pasta or curry and ds10 eats with noodles and broccoli. It doesn't cost any more leftovers get saved for the next day.

Means everyone is happy.

Oh, I would do anything for soup
I would do anything for soup
But I won’t freeze it
No, no!
I wonnn’t freeze it