To be thinking about kids already?

[HowFastIsTooFast]

Can I ask when you started thinking about having kids with your partner?

I've been with my partner 6 months (living and working together 24/7 during lockdown since end of March). I feel more loved and secure in this relationship than I ever did in my previous 7 year one which included a short-lived and ill-advised marriage.

We both want to have kids, but I'm almost 37 and he's 39 in a few weeks. The only insight into our fertility is that I had an early miscarriage of an unplanned pregnancy in my early 30s. Neither of us have ever 'tried' before so don't know what issues we might encounter on the way.

6 months seems (at least societally) really soon to be thinking about this, but then if we wait another year for example we'll be almost 38 and 40 and could then have a year or more ttc ahead of us, even if we're lucky and don't encounter any problems. As an only child myself, I'd want to have 2 kids if I were able to.

We've both had long and shorter term relationships, both lived with partners and alone, know what we want and need from relationships and have the same future outlook. We're relatively financially stable, I own my own place that we could upgrade to something bigger in time and both earn over 30k - although obviously for one of us this would be less with a child in the picture. We've met each other's families at least over video and all seems well there.(covid cancelled both of our planned 'meet the parents' trips; we live in a different country to them).

Are we being ridiculous to be discussing this now in terms of our immediate future? Anyone else had kids early in a relationship and it worked out well?

I didn't think about having children with my now husband, 3 months in to our relationship I fell pregnant accidentally. We've been together 12 years now, and are expecting our 5th baby.

My best friend was in a similar situation to you. She was 37 when she met her now husband, it was probably a bit sooner than 6 months when they decided to try for a baby, and then she fell pregnant with her 2nd when number one was seven months old. She was 39 by then. They knew they wanted to be together, knew they wanted children, so went for it.

No one can tell you its the right or wrong thing to do, if you fell pregnant by accident, the likelihood would be that you would keep the baby and try to make things work between you. If your partner is on the same page, then I would go for it.

Is the country you are in your permanent home? Might have issues if you split up and want to move if you have a child.

Thank you Ladies; I love these happy ending stories :)

I know it's only us who can decide what's right for us but without anyone else to talk it over with at the moment (other than DP obviously) Mumsnet is my only sounding board. I really appreciate every response.

Met DH in Jan, married in August and TTC on wedding night. I was 36 when we met and had been in an infertile marriage for many years -exdh had zero sperm count but I had scaring on ovaries and irregular periods. We both wanted children but knew it could be difficult or impossible to conceive, I was very nervous TTC again as I had accepted not having children and never thought I would be remarried and it would be a possibility. DC1 was born 10 months after our wedding and DC2 came along 2 years later.

@ineedaholidaynow I’m British and we both live in a part of Britain that requires flights to reach my family; we’ve both been here over 16 years so ‘permanently’. He’s not British but has lived here longer than he lived in his home country. He’s suggested without any prompting that if I wanted us to move closer to my family he’d be very willing to. Obviously the fact that we’re different nationalities could prove a problem if we were to split up and one or the other wants to move but that would always be the case, no matter the time scale.

My dp and I decided after 3 months together to not prevent it but if it happen it happens I conceived 3 months later have a now one year old and we're not on contraception atm hopping baby no 2 will come when it's ready most people will say it's too soon but I think if u no u just no we've more or less lived together from day one too

I think it’s a case of ‘when you know, you know’!

I kind of knew and felt instantly that my partner was the one that I will be spending the rest of my life with because our relationship was like no other I’d had before (previously married for 4 years and then a year long relationship after that), and we bounced off each other and have pretty much the same personality and were just so suited so I kind of knew that I’d be comfortable having children, whereas I wasn’t before with my ex husband! I gave birth to our daughter around 2 years after we started going out. Some people might see that as too sudden but everyone has their own opinion.

At the end of the day what matters is how you both feel. Of course it would be wrong to bring a child to this world just because of time running out and the relationship being a pretty bad one and then ending up in splitting, but if your relationship is good then I wouldn’t worry about it!

However, my relationship with my partner has changed since our daughter was born just over 2 years ago and isn’t as perfect as it was (he is a mummy’s boy and I pretty much enabled him beforehand and would do everything!) so now it can be frustrating at times and we argue, or more like bicker I would say, whereas before we never used to! But we work together and try and improve things instead of being bitter towards one another. We still want to be together and that is the main thing and hopefully that will never change. It just goes to show that no one knows what things will be like in 6 months or two years or whatever so you just have to go with what you think is best at that moment and then hopefully things will work out, if not then that’s when you are your partner need to put the work in!