To be upset my close friend hasn't been in touch since lockdown?

[KatDubs261]

I have been friends with him since I was 14, I am now 28. He is probably the closest I have to family aside a couple of close girlfriends.

Last year I broke up with my partner and had a health scare. He was a great friend to me at this time, checking in often. We also planned a trip with the rest of our friend group (we do this about once a year) although we have lived in different countries for the past year. He lives with his girlfriend and dog - I got on well with both!

Anyway we usually dont go longer than a month or 2 without talking. But I haven't heard from him once since lockdown and I feel a little hurt. Do I feel like my friends owe me something because I am single and live alone?

No, but I have definitely checked in with my friends regularly and they have done the same for me. Furthermore, he was back in the country around xmas and we planned to meet. He was really excited about then the night before told me 'so sorry I cant make it anymore' with a vague excuse. We only see each other rarely as it is.

Am I being ridiculous? Do I need to get over myself?

It’s not clear if you have been in touch with him. Lockdown has all sorts of effects on all sorts of people so it’s hard to predict others responses and why he maybe hasn’t been in touch

So have you tried to get in touch with him?

Have you messaged him?

I find as you get older it's harder to stay in touch as people have different priorities.

If it was me I'd just drop him a message saying "Hi X, haven't heard from you in ages, is everything ok?"

Yes I was last in contact and he has ignored those messages from the beginning of March.

I follow him on Twitter and see him tweeting every other day.

Have you been in touch with him and he hasn’t responded? I would be annoyed too.
If you’re expecting him to get in touch when you haven’t yourself then I think YABU, why is the onus solely on him to initiate contact?

Well unless you can thing of anything you have said/done to offend him, I'd say he's ghosting you. So hurtful. I'd send him another message basically saying as such

Before this he had ignored me for a month and I actually double messaged because I photographed something we have in common. When he does reply the messages are as long as ever.

Maybe I just need to accept he doesn't want to have the same close friendship as before but I mean this is a pandemic. I thought he would been in touch.

In our early 20s he actually disappeared for 2 years! He came back grovelling and I said well as long as you dont do it again. Contact has been pretty steady since then.

I can see why you’re upset. But if he’s been a bit hot and cold over the years maybe he’s always been like this but you just forget when he puts on the good friend routine again?
I would maybe send one last message to see how/if he responds, something casual just checking in - People generally are having a bit of a difficult time at the moment - but would think about moving on if he ignores that too.

I suppose he hasnt been cold to any big degree for about seven years now.

I am thinking maybe I just need to chill and accept he'll be in touch whenever. But I'm annoyed. Have any of you NOT contacted your nearest and dearest during this time?

He sounds hard work

I had this happen with a close formed. She moved away, contacted me a lot while she was settling in, the gradually stopped initiating and the stopped replying.

It makes me sad, and I still really miss her. But I accept she mustn’t have been getting any joy out of our friendship so she phased me out.

To start with probably contacted them more. It was such a scary time and I wanted to talk to people a lot. Now though I must admit I probably am in less contact with most people than before covid because there's nothing much to say. "What have you done today?" Nothing, just the same old walk".. There's not that much to talk to people about. Perhaps he just doesn't have much going on in his life . Or maybe he's down?Have you tried actually giving him a ring? I might do that in this case.

Maybe his girlfriend doesn't like you being close, or his priorities have changed? It happens when friends get into relationships. Good friendships endure and accept there will be times if high and low contact. Perhaps your lives are at different stages at the moment?

I'm not very good at keeping in touch even with my family. I spoke to my brother for the first time since lockdown this week. My other brother I haven't spoken to at all since Christmas. It's not because we don't care, it's just things are a,bit hectic and he's working and I've been in and out of hospital.
If your friend has form for this I'd leave him to it. I'd keep an open mind though as he may be going through something you are not aware of.

He has been with his girlfriend for nearly 6 years, I consider them a married couple more or less.

When I hugged her goodbye this year she said 'well until our yearly holiday next time!' And she messaged me about 6 months ago saying I am always welcome to visit. She has made a couple of jealous comments before but nothing major.

I don't know what's going on. Maybe things will change again in future.

Maybe he caught covid and died, or is ill

No he was tweeting political stuff this morning and most days

Not been in touch with many folk. Trying to keep my head down and get through this time and finding deep talk too hard. That’s just another perspective for you.

If you regularly go 2 months without talking then a) he doesn't sound a particularly close friend, and b) it's only been just over 2 months since lockdown so it's not a lot longer than usual, in what is far from normal circumstances.

Maybe he's struggling and finding it hard. Maybe he's fed up that you haven't asked how he is in 2 months.

I don't understand all this but I messaged last and double messaged (wtf?) stuff. If you want to hear from him, send a message or pick up the phone.

Also, just because he's tweeting, don't assume that means all is fine and rosy. It's not uncommon to do something like that to distract from everything else being awful. It can be a good way of disassociating yourself from your actual feelings.

We used to talk every night up more or less from teen years up until our early 20s. Obviously that isnt sustainable long term.

I disagree you can't be close friends if you only speak every couple of months. I do have friends like this and we pick up where we left off.

I dunno - I will keep an open mind and accept that everyone is reacting in different ways to the lockdown. Maybe after 15 years the friendship is just entering a new more dialed down phase or maybe it is dying out. What am I going to do, force it?

Don't worry about it. Try not to overthink it. I had a friend before lockdown I would say we were close enough and now she just blanks me on messages or replies with short yeh or no answers. She has became close with a girl I can't say I like very much. It makes me sad to know they are friends because I know she will end up hurting her. Have you anyone else you could ask to message him and make sure everything is ok.

When you say I was last in contact and he has ignored those messages from the beginning of March - do you mean the last time you messaged him was the beginning of March? Or have you been following it up since then, and he's continually ignored you?

There was a lot going on in early March - it would have been easy to overlook some messages then.

I just had a look at the chat. So I messaged him back in January and he ignored completely until I messaged again in March. He replied immediately that time back and forth but then didn't reply to anything else I said. When we catch up we catch up in major paragraphs (moreso him to be honestly.

As I sent him a long reply and got no response I am not willing to keep messaging. I feel I have been making all the effort this year.