Hen Party in July

[ConfusedLlama]

A good friend of mine is getting married, if everything goes to plan, will be getting married in September.

Her sister has ben planning her hen do since the beginning of this year, it's due to take place in about a month. It's quite expensive (about 400-500 for all the activities) but I wanted to be there and celebrate with my friend.

Since then lots has happened, you know the global pandemic and everything. I was forced to take a pay cut, I've had to postpone my own wedding (in August) as key people are shielding and financially it's a lot to spend out on in uncertain times.

The sister has texted this morning to say it's all still going ahead but I'm just not comfortable sharing a house with 8 people who I don't really know very well (with the exception of my friend) who are all from different households. Not to mention the financial implication of paying out for the accommodation and activities.

Everybody, and I mean everybody, else in the group chat all seem to be really happy it's going ahead. Talking about car sharing and who will be sharing a room and I feel like I'm the only one worried about the social distancing aspect. I suffer from asthma, it's mild but it's still a worry for me. I don't know how to reply to any of the messages because I'm worried that I'm the only one who's thinking this and I'll be the party pooper.

AIBU to think that this hen do going ahead is completely nuts given the current circumstances? I have no idea what to say to them or how to tackle the situation (I was pretty social inept before lockdown, I'm now a social disaster)

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all of you to cancel and I’m sure you’re friend will understand

However, I think you absolutely need to pick up your share of “Group” costs, eg accommodation which won’t be any lower just because 1 person has dropped out. It isn’t fair to expect the rest of the party to pick up your share

You may find the matter taken out of their hands anyway as they may not be able to do this in July.

You sound sensible. It's definitely not a risk I'd take with everything going on. Infection rates are going up not down unfortunately

Don’t message. Call!
As the bride if someone called and discussed and apologised but explained I would be completely understanding. But to receive a ‘message’. That’s so impersonal. And in my opinion how things get out of hand or misunderstood. A conversation is always the better way and unfortunately something people shy away from so often these days. Talk don’t type

Someone else has dropped out apparently and I have messaged the sister to explain why I cant go and my reasoning. I will call my friend (the bride) and talk to her later.

Yes hotels are opening - but that's assuming that one household per hotel room, so you can socially distance - you can't do that in a shared house, particularly not if they're sharing rooms! It's completely different.

It’s ridiculous that it’s still going ahead. Yeah, hotels may be open. But it’s a hen do. People share rooms. Plus it will be so crap having to socially distance, how on earth would a hen do work in this case? I’d imagine most activities would be cancelled, and bars/clubs will be shit (if open, they won’t be like normal). If I was getting married still and having a hen do, right now, I’d reschedule for after the wedding and have a decent one. It’ll be pants

I wouldn’t go, it’s a lot of money if things are tight for you and also if you’re all from different households it’s against government advice. Stand your ground on this one.