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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What comments have driven you mad?

71 replies

TripletEm · 23/09/2007 14:16

Hi everyone!! This is my first 'proper' post so please be kind, have seen some of the other posts and been too shy to join in (some are quite scarey)so I thought that I would take a deep breath and give it a go myself!!O.kay, so here's the thing:
What comment has annoyed you mums the most after giving birth to your children?
I'm a mum of triplets and had to put up with endless questions from complete strangers about my medical history!! Why did I end up with triplets? Do you or your husband have trouble concieving? Couldn't you have children on your own? Do you have some sort of medical condition, what is it?
Now don't get me wrong I am quite happy to discuss my pregnancy with anyone, in the right situation, but do you really think the meat counter of Tesco's is a suitable place for the subject in front of a crowd of listeners?!! Am I being cranky or not?!!

OP posts:

HarrietTheSpy · 23/09/2007 21:39

Not so much after the birth of my DD, but after I lost a baby to an ectopic pregnancy - people actually say to me: "Gee, you're chances of getting pregnant must be reduced now you've lost your tube. So, is it 50%? 60%? Or more?" Totally straight faced, as if they were asking about the weather.

chipmonkey · 23/09/2007 21:44

When I had ds2, MIL said "I know it's disappointing for you but it's good for ds1!" And when ds3 was lying in an incubator and I was in bed elsewhere having lost loads of blood, she told dh in front of my Mum, "It's OK, you can go again!" As if "going again" would be on our minds at that moment!
My Mum was livid!

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2007 21:47

PMSL at the descriptions of what position you were in and also whether the lights were on or off!
Also just snorted wine through my nose at tattoo of postman pat on her arse.
We only were asked if DS was unplanned by family. DH's dad, and my mum, after she'd stopped running round the room cheering - we were jst shell shocked!

kindersurprise · 23/09/2007 22:56

We were having a Kebab last year and the guy on the counter was very interested in the fact that I was speaking English and my DH German with the DCs. He asked why and I said I was from Scotland, then he looked at me, then at the DCs, then at DH. "So, they are not his DCs then?" he asked.

lol, DH has dark hair and is often asked if he is Italian or Turkish, DCs have light brown hair and quite pale. You should have seen DH's face, I was PMSL!

The other comments we get are mainly about the DCs being bilingual, "Amazing, that they can speak English at their age!" Yes, they are obviously G&T is what I would like to answer.

Welcome TripleEm. Wow, triplets, you must have your hands full.

:O Sorry, coulnd't resist! How many times have you been asked that in the past 4 years!

triplets · 23/09/2007 23:44

Welcome tripletEM,
As you can tell by my name I too am the lucky mother of G/B/B triplets aged 9. I have no doubt you are much younger than me, almost everyone is on here! Do come over the other side and join us, we will have alot in common.Because we are older parents we are forever getting asked these two questions
1 Are they your grandchildren?
2 Why did you leave it so long?

People can hurt so easily!
Anyway welcome, you will be in good hands here, Mars and Frumpy look after us all!

Original poster

TripletEm · 24/09/2007 10:54

Hi triplet!! We meet at last!! Please,please give me lots of advice on my future years with triplets. I'm not sure how old 'old' is but I am 31, although at times I do feel a lot older. Was shopping the other day and caught sight of someone out of the corner of my eye and made a mental note to never let myself go like that only to realise it was my OWN naffing reflection in a mirror!! So after four years of putting babies first I am having a revamp!! New hair,new clothes and for the first time peace and quite all day as the kids have started school!! felt like pants seeing all the other mothers at school, dressed up with perfect hair!! What do they do with their kids whilst getting ready. What's the secret? I barely have time to iron my clothes!! And as for my hair, well I usually wear a hat!! Will be popping over to the 'dark side' to hunt all you multiple mums down soon, oh and if you bump into marslady can you tell her I did the sweetie run today so I will be bringing choccy!!
kindersurprise, it's funny never heard that beforeand sorry about the snorting of wine SPB (TE passes SPB some bounty roll).

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Peachy · 25/09/2007 09:50

Tripletsem, if you're ironing your clothes you're one ahead of me LOL- I gete xactly 4 minutes each morning to dress / do hair etc. Because 2 of my 3 are Sn theyc an't be left alone, except for just the ength of one aprticular cartoon- even then Ic an only go to the bathroom with the dorr open to dress!. So I am sure youa re far mroe presentable than me LOL. NOt that i can be arsed to worry about it.

Original poster

TripletEm · 25/09/2007 10:02

Thank you!! It's not just me then!! God bless Tracey Beaker I say. The kids love the programme at the moment a whole 20mins to do the packed lunch,feed dogs,cat,and fish,put washing on,find something that if I do miss my ironing slot will easily have it's creases blown out by the wind on the way to school, oh and maybe eat a bit of manky old toast the kids have half chewed!! Then I put on the fake 'I'm a mummy in control' smile as I greet the other mums and repeat the line "Oh they are little angels,it's not that hard" as they all ask me how I cope!!

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Original poster

TripletEm · 25/09/2007 10:22

Peachy, are you still about?
If you are up for it would I be able to pick your brains over a sn question? Was thinking about trying to find you today and then you popped up, so you must be the right person to ask!! If not, no worries

OP posts:

Peachy · 25/09/2007 10:40

No probs- fire away or feel free to e-mail me ([email protected])- am no expert but if I can't help can usually point you to the right MN bod!

minouminou · 25/09/2007 10:54

far and away the most infuriating comment was on a card from dp's aunt or someone similar (never met them) in response to DS's name
it read congratulations etc....then "1st name middlename mysurname-dp's surname....poor little bugger, what a name!".
on a card - a card you're supposed to keep....i binned it - stupid cow.
I told the in-laws to make sure we never meet, as i've got a short temper but a long memory.
It really was appalling.

Original poster

TripletEm · 25/09/2007 11:21

Peachy
Thanks chick!!
You know when you feel somethings not right about one of your kids,but seems like no one else has the answer? Well,from the time my ds was born I've felt that theres been something wrong.I know you've said that your ds is autistic and I don't think my ds has servere symptoms,but after noseying about a bit I know that it can be at certain degrees and wondered if I should be concerned? As a small baby he couldn't be touched,cuddled or kissed, he would kick,scream and sratch to get away from us like a little wild animal.He seems to have no idea what it is to be gentle with people or animals and gets very upset when he realises that he has hurt them. His speech is a little behind,although I know that boys are slower and everything in his life has to be in complete order and he becomes extremely distresed if I change something in his room,or move a toy that he has lined up, in fact he spends hours putting cars into little rows.He sometimes seems to drift off as well in the middle of a conversation, I've asked him about this and he keeps saying hes sorry and he can't help it. Starting to become a little upsetting now for us all, but i think my Doc just thinks I am an anxious mother!! Any thoughts? God that sounds awful now I've written it down!! He is a loving little boy too.

OP posts:

Peachy · 25/09/2007 11:28

OK, the one thing that makes me go hmmmm is the bit about drifiting off- lots of kids do this but actually, it CAN be a sign of an asd (and you're righ about a scalet, the mildest end of the scale is Aspergers).

have a look at the triad of impairments- that's the tool used by APeds to look for signs of aspergers. But more importantly, get a referral from your GP to a local PAediatrician. Chances are that your son is OK, however ime a parent can list a hige list of symptoms and say 'but I think they're OK'- and they're usually right, whereas a parent who says 'I just get that feeling-' well we know our kids better than anyone else don't we?

Chances are that all's OK, but its also always worth getting checked out, as the earlier help is put into palce, the better.

Original poster

TripletEm · 25/09/2007 11:42

Thanks Peachy, hope I didn't insult you as my level of the subject is very poor. You're right, I have just been trying to let it go but that gut feeling just won't let me and now he has started school,well I just him to fit in or them to fit in with his needs. Could be a triplet thing too, but like you it's the wandering bit I can't figure out and sometimes he gets told off as people think hes being rude,but he seems to get confused with the conversation. Right then, I am on a mission to get this sorted!!
(TE jumps up and down and shakes out her arms and legs does a few star jumps and shakes off her serious mood,before she becomes a moaner!!)
Thanks alot

OP posts:

Peachy · 25/09/2007 11:46

LOL- no reason to have insulted me!

have a look at the NAS (national sutistic society) website- it has pretty much everything on it you could wish to know. And tehre's the SN boards here for support once you're in the system, and BIBIC are great in terms of therapy (just type BIBIC into google).

HTH

Original poster

TripletEm · 25/09/2007 11:50

You're a little star! Off to do my homework imediately Miss!!

OP posts:

bamamama · 25/09/2007 11:54

most annoying thing:

"when the baby is born, if he has red hair, all the alarms in the hospital will go off".

Who said it? Dh

the boy had red hair. there were no alarms...

mummydoit · 25/09/2007 12:18

My two are only 14 months apart and I'm often asked if DS2 was planned. Er, yes. Very much so. We struggled for three years and had infertility treatment for DS1 so made a conscious decision not to prevent, knowing there was a chance, albeit slim, that we could have another naturally. We were surprised but delighted when DS2 came along so quickly.

TheMadHouse · 25/09/2007 12:36

My are 15 months apart and people always ask if DS2 was planned - not of there bloody business. I always tell them he was wanted and thats what matters.

I also get mad looks of people and people always ask where their curly hair comes from (their head) Thank god for GHDs

I have got used to it, neither I nor the boys are public property and I refuse to anwer.

mistypeaks · 25/09/2007 12:42

yep mine are 13 months apart and people ask a) was that deliberate - well er yes I kinda worked out after the first one what caused it!!!!
b) how do you cope? The same as any other mum who has 1, 2 or 22. With lots of love, sense of humour and plenty of (cold) tea!! I get annoyed that people seem to assume I'm some sort of plank!!

ILovePudding · 25/09/2007 13:09

A few of my friends who don't have lo's yet were discussing when would be the best time for them to start a family.

One friend actually said the best way was how dp and I did it and get pregnant by accident !

DD was definitely planned, we just didn't have to try very hard. LOL that my friends seem to think otherwise

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