I smacked my 2yo tonight and I cant get over it

[Hmmmmminteresting]

Please be kind. I cannot feel any worse than I do. I have a 4yo and a 2yo. I've always been gentle in my approach but they have firm boundaries.
Both dc are very very sweet pleasant and well mannered children.
Tonight we put them to bed and as always 2yo starts getting out of bed, same as every night. Running around bedroom and laughing. I went in maybe 8 times or so and the final time I just flipped and smacked his bum. It was definitely not hard but hard enough to shock him. He cried so much... I know it was out of shock more than pain. I walked away and then immediately went back in and picked him up. I couldn't stop apologising to him and saying "mummy should not have done that, I am so sorry".
I stayed with him for about 10 mins and he fell asleep. He didnt cry himself to sleep. I havent stopped thinking about this all night. In 4years I have never hit either of my dc and vowed I never would.
I have failed
What happened to me :-( and how do I make sure this never happens again.

You lost your temper, you have acknowledged it and don't want to do it again. You've apologised to him. Don't beat yourself up over it x

I did this. Only once, I understand the shock and remorse you are feeling, I hated myself. I still remember it vividly years later.

My DS was fine and yours is too. Hug him close tomorrow

What swirly said
I sometimes smack but i feel so bloody awful afterwards , if you were a bad person you

Please dont beat yourself up. There are real bad parents out there and you dont sound like one! If you were, youd have never have even wrote this out. Animals in the wild even smack their young, to keep them in line. My parents used to belt me over the arse, if I was out of line. Im still here and a half decent human being (sometimes).

Take care.

Hi OP
Hope you’re ok. Do you normally smack?
If not, there are ways of looking at it - are you ok otherwise? Was it a momentary loss of control?
Or do you think it’s part of a bigger issue? You mention ‘we’ but only refer to you putting the kids to bed.
Would you accept any help from your local children’s centre? What could help?

You are fine. Let it go.

Don't worry, you are human. It's not a problem.
You don't heat your children - you are not that parent.

It's fine. Move on.

It's really not the end of the world. He won't remember it. But I think you need to find another way to handle his getting up and running around without getting too frustrated. Is he just not tired? Can dh help ?