It does get easier over time discerning, it can just take a while to figure out what you will personally accept and what you won’t. It doesn’t happen overnight but when you feel you can use your voice to address your boundaries then it gets easier.
With the situation you mentioned, I would’ve shown empathy for her in the moment and spoke on the topic if I shared the same experience or made suggestions. I would’ve made it clear that occasionally we could do a weekend play date but I wouldn’t be able to commit to anything. To be honest though my initial thinking is you were having a baby so it’s not something you would ask anyway, atleast I wouldn’t ask a pregnant woman with a young child to look after mine. But In terms of child care generally I wouldn’t have committed to looking after someone else’s child who I hadn’t gotten to know. That would’ve been something that as the relationship progressed I would’ve decided if it’s something I’d commit to or not. Even with saying that I still would make it clear that it may not be able to be every week or for full days etc.
There’s nothing wrong with helping someone and then if they’re to ask again choosing to say no. It all depends on what we have going on in our own lives too. Remember relationships are two way streets, sometimes when lacking confidence can over give which creates an imbalance, Or can avoid situations but both can become toxic to ourselves and can leave others confused. It seems you know what you do and don’t want to do, it’s articulating something where you feel comfortable saying it and not offensive so you can continue the relationship with no hostility. The moment you think something is becoming too much, you feel you’re being taken advantage of or you simply don’t want to do something, make the change.
For your colleague: I’m going to have to make some changes to driving into work together. I can do it on x days for the time being. Or simply saying shall we split fuel to get to work?
addressing the time issue- I’m ok driving us both but can you be ready for x time as I really don’t like rushing or being late.
Sometimes things creep in over time and it’s easy to accept it, but delivery is everything and if you’re being honest but kind then usually it works out well, if it doesn’t then it’s not worth tolerating anyway.
For the mum at nursery: it’s hard being a mum and id love to help you but I can’t commit to childcare with having a baby and young one. Can you ask x to help?
There’s no way to say your child would’ve connected over time to a friendship so I wouldn’t worry about that. Some kids click, some kids don’t and sometimes they have phases where they are best buddies and then not. Allow your children to see you confident, teach them about being confidence and boundaries too.
Has there been something that has taken your confidence away or is it something you’ve never felt you’ve had?
Confidence is generally a mindset, so changing the way you see a situation, changing your day to day thoughts can really help. What can you do for yourself that you think will help you feel more confident? Believe in yourself a little more each day.