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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend just walked up and hugged my pregnant wife!

47 replies

Seapoint2002 · 08/06/2020 11:01

So my pregnant wife went to see her girlfriends on Friday in the garden of a friend with a new baby. One of the girlfriends (who we know has not been sticking to the rules throughout lock down and had guests around to the house) instantly gives my pregnant wife a hug and also picks up the new baby of the girlfriend whose house it was. AIBU to be pretty annoyed that she has done this when my wife and i have stuck to the rules and not hugged our parents for weeks?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 08/06/2020 11:43

If your wife was fully aware that this friend has been breaking the rules of lockdown why would she agree to meet with her anyway?

Laaalaaaa · 08/06/2020 11:51

If it’s expected behaviour of this friend then perhaps she should have avoided meeting up with her. Just because you can meet up with people doesn’t mean you have to. We’re not meeting family as we know they will want to give our baby a cuddle and they agree with this. Your wife needs to take a bit of responsibility.

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2020 11:59

Unless the friend is part of a special forces team with sneak hugs as a skill I think you are being unreasonable. Usually it’s something you can see coming!

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 08/06/2020 12:01

This is for your wife to deal with not you. She is an adult. Either move back, say don't remember I need to isolate and follow the rules I'm pregnant etc.

GabsAlot · 08/06/2020 12:04

i even told my 5 year old niece i couldnt hug or hold her hand when she wanted to-in a nice way of course

Kazzyhoward · 08/06/2020 12:11

People hug out of habit

I would have thought 3 months was long enough to break the habit.

Unless she is one of "those" who've been ignoring the rules and doing what they want to do anyway?

This is going to be an ever increasing problem as we come out of lockdown - we can "control" ourselves and our actions, but you can't control what others are doing around you.

AnnaMagnani · 08/06/2020 12:51

You wife needs to step up and decide what she is and isn't going to do.

Every single person in the UK right now has a different idea of what they are and aren't doing for lockdown.

If your wife isn't happy, then she needs to say so - or make it clear when she turns up somewhere she is doing 'No hugs, no picking up baby'. If she thinks she is going into an environment that won't be followed, she decides on her tolerance and if it is zero tolerance she doesn't go.

But we have to be honest with ourselves, this is a lifelong relationship we have with the virus now, so lockdown won't last forever and other people will make different decisions to you.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/06/2020 12:59

I think she expects it of this particular friend and is too polite to cause a scene as the friend is the type that would give a mouthful back.

Wow, what a fab friend. Oh sorry, meant to say aggressive arsehole.

Phase out before baby comes perhaps?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/06/2020 13:23

is too polite to cause a scene

How on earth would asking someone politely to keep 2 meters away cause a scene? Your wife isn't doing herself any favours here. I'm assuming she can say 'boo' to a goose...

LindainLockdown · 08/06/2020 13:37

Sounds like a rubbish "friend", not sure why your wife would want to see her, especially if she is too scared to call out her behaviour,.YABU for just being annoyed with the friend as you should also be annoyed with your wife.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 08/06/2020 13:44

YANBU but your wife needs to lay down the boundaries here. I have friends who don't care about social distancing, that is their choice, but it doesn't mean that I let them close to me.

notalwaysalondoner · 08/06/2020 13:47

This happened when my uncle (aged 70 and still working in person as he’s a company director of a manufacturing business) hugged my 98 year old granny we’d been shielding for months. It happened so quickly we couldn’t stop it and he clearly wasn’t worried about himself.

I honestly think the only way around this is just not to see anyone you know won’t take it seriously. It’s too difficult to physically run away from someone and also realistically if you have a go at a friend they might not forgive you and you are likely to come across as massively overreacting unless you’re highly at risk. So just don’t see them.

Sn0tnose · 08/06/2020 13:53

I think that if you’re going to be cheesed off with anyone, it needs to be with your wife.

She knew this friend was going to be there. She knew this friend hadn’t stuck to the rules during lockdown, I’m assuming she knew that this friend was a hugger, that she wouldn’t react well to being asked to keep her distance and that your wife wouldn’t feel comfortable dealing with conflict. But she still chose to go.

Don’t get me wrong, her friend sounds like an absolute idiot and I can see why you’d be concerned. But we’re at a stage where some people believe that life has returned to normal. The only thing you can do is to take personal responsibility and assess how comfortable you are with the risk. If you think that meeting up with a hugging gobshite who has ignored social distancing isn’t a great thing to do while you’re pregnant, then the onus is on you to decline the invitation.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 08/06/2020 13:56

as the friend is the type that would give a mouthful back

And you call her a friend? Hmm

Isthisfinallyit · 08/06/2020 14:07

My dad wanted to hug me, I took a step back, yold him I was still distancing and he listened. Tbf I don't care if it hurts his feelings. It hurts my feelings to be touched against my will and that is more important.

loobyloo1234 · 08/06/2020 14:26

So your wife went to a garden party - which breaks lockdown rules - and you're offended that someone hugged her? Ok

ConkerGame · 08/06/2020 14:42

@loobyloo1234 it doesn’t if there were just 6 of them there - sounds more like a small gathering to see the new baby

MrsNoah2020 · 08/06/2020 14:52

If the friend did it out of habit, YABU. Social habits are so ingrained, so it's easy to forget they no longer apply. I'm a doctor who has had loads of Covid patients, but I still absentmindedly tried to shake someone's hand the other day.

If the friend did it on purpose YANBU.

ifonly4 · 08/06/2020 15:00

Doesn't sound like this friend is such a good friend after all. Irresponsible and then not caring. enough about her friends to keep away from them.

It's hard to know without being there how the situation arose, but I'd have certainly been keeping more than 2m from the friend. I've worked throughout, we've been told we're not to let customers near us and believe me I've soon darted back a few times.

I guess your wife will naturally want to keep away from her in the future, but if that's not possible, then I'd certainly say I don't want to do hugs and definitly 2m+ at the moment

loobyloo1234 · 08/06/2020 15:31

@ConkerGame

Conveniently there will have been 6 people there no doubt but its a bit rich to criticise others if there were more than that amount. The OP is already up to 4 people including the baby

WiryTail · 08/06/2020 15:50

I live in a country where it is normal culture to kiss both cheeks.
It's been hard to remember not to do this and I have almost done it myself.

I think it was probably done without thinking.

TheLadyAnneNeville · 09/06/2020 18:21

Pretty dense thing to do 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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