To think he's overstayed his welcome?

[introorextro]

I would say I've always been quite a quiet, shy introvert but I masked it quite a bit in my younger days by using alcohol which did make me more sociable and enjoy peoples company more. Honestly on the 3 days my daughter is at her dads I am so happy and content spending the time alone, it really makes me feel recharged and is what I look forward to each week.

However, I'm now 28 with a daughter so my party nights are few and far between and I'm not keen on having just a few as I find it just makes me sleepy and even more boring.

Anyways on Friday night I picked my friend up from the train station and he stayed for the weekend (not UK), we stayed up till 2 am then the next day we went visiting different friends all day and he stayed again. By the end of the day I was feeling quite frazzled and exhausted. We stayed up till around 12 am last night. Then this morning, I dropped him at another friends house, I then had a few hours just me and my daughter and then him and another friend came over for dinner and they are still here at just past 12 am.

I have a tension headache and feel honestly exhausted and so irritable. I feel I have had no time to myself (which I haven't). I feel I have nothing to add to the conversation. I need them to leave but I hate to come across as rude.

Is this just part of being an introvert or is there something more serious going on? I feel this way after a couple of hours of anyone's company apart from my daughters, then I just want to be alone! Surely it can't be normal?

It is lovely to see friends & socialise over dinner & a drink...I love seeing my friends & I loved having them stay esp when DS was young as I rarely could get out myself then as was SP. But I will say that I am tired & in need of my bed. Just be clear nxt time you are entertaining on a Sun that guestsvknow it must end by xo'c as you have work. I always need things to be calming down by 6/7pm on a Sun...so back from travel if I'm away or jobs done...whatever...I need Sun eves to chill & have some quiet time as the rest of the week is full-on. Enjoy your sleep OP.

You sound just like me! I cannot cope with more than 24 hrs with anyone. One day and night then I’m really irritable and want them gone. I need my alone time for my sanity. DH is much more sociable than me and will happily have people to stay for several days. We’ve just moved to a fairly touristy area to a much bigger house with several spare rooms so I’m dreading the inevitable deluge of family and friends wanting to come and stay. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it at all! It’s difficult to say you need to be alone without sounding rude and unsociable!.

Well done getting them gone! Now go relax.

Are you allowed to have friends stay over at this point in lockdown?

Im not in England but it seems very lax. I’m not surprised at the high death rate.

Am I the only one thinking why the tuck did they come to stay? We are only supposed to be mixing with people from outside our immediate family that we live with outside at a social distance, no one is supposed to stay overnight anywhere else or be indoors with other people is this all forgotten now?

@TrollTheRespawnJeremy
You can do what you want in England now. We have no leadership.

She is not in the UK @StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes

She said clearly that she's not in the UK in the original post.

@ilikemethewayiam

What will you do? It sounds like they might be crawling out of the woodwork for 'holiday' visits with you! I don't live in a touristy area...but it is not too long a drive from the airport ...so a few times a year I get emails of friends/family visiting ...but late arrival...v v early take-off...so inevitably they end up here overnight. I get stressed before they arrive because sometimes its with a bf/gf that I haven't met or hardly know at all...but I usually relax once they are here...safe in the knowledge they'll leave in the morning!!

OP has clearly stated she's not in the UK, I've got family and friends in other countries who have pretty much eradicated the virus apart from those quarantined after repatriation flights and their lives are very much back to normal except from allowing UK tourists.

I like my own space too. I think it's a good thing.

Oops sorry that will teach me to read the thread properly 😳

I'm never lonely in my own company OP.. I like me.. I'm great company

I am presuming that OP is Australian or New Zealand (I am Aussie) and we are allowed to have people stay and up to 20 people in a house at one time as long as you are maintaining the allowance of 4sqm per person.

We have in our state 4 new cases from yesterday, while there is a minute chance of catching corona virus we are very much in the 'at some stage life has to resume because we will likely be living with this forever' stage. Most of our states are having 0 new cases. We have had extensive symptomatic and asymptomatic testing and still not picking up many cases from those.

I'd have been going bonkers with all that nonsense

I am considerably older than you and I would be fine with this. Not every weekend. But you knew this was happening so I do think it is a bit strange that you are finding a few nights socialising to be too much. But you say you are an introvert so it is probably normal for you. If you feel it is not normal could you be a bit depressed or anxious?

OP that's pretty full on and with a DD in the mix i wouldn't blame you for lying low 😂

I am presuming that OP is Australian or New Zealand (I am Aussie) and we are allowed to have people stay and up to 20 people in a house at one time as long as you are maintaining the allowance of 4sqm per person.

^ assuming this is correct and you haven't risked your daughter losing her mum because you are too shy to say no to others....

I think you sound totally normal for an adult! You did loads of socialising and hosting and now want typical life to go on....

Read any Golden Age country-house mystery, and you'll see a mixture of organised activities , reading in the library, having affairs, murdering people, sleuthing...

I’m in Aus and my youngest has 2 friends over and I feel like I need a stiff drink and and a lie down. It’s basically just been our family for weeks and other people just tire me out. Too much social effort

Surely you just need to be clearer in your invitations and acceptances? It all sounds a bit vague. You agree and go along with things, then resent other people for it. Be stronger, truer and speak up for yourself, politely - before things become a problem, not afterwards.

Sound like such a change of pace for you, I’m not surprised that you are feeling frazzled by it. Your friend obviously wants to make the most of having a weekend away and seeing mutual friends so I can see how the whole situation got away from you.

Yes I do agree I need to be a bit firmer as I am definitely a people pleaser and go along with a lot even if not entirely comfortable. I did tell him he couldn't stay Sunday night as I have house renovations starting this morning also so stress with that I'm sure affected my mood as well. Also hadn't really considered the fact that it had just been me and my daughter for a while so this was the first prolonged social interaction I've had in a while.

I just found it extreme because this is usually a friend I can slob about with and spend loads of time and have comfortable silences but it was not like that at all this weekend.

I think someone coming on a friday and stillbeing there on sunday at 11.30pm is appalling bad manners.

The norm for a weekend visit would be to be gone after breakfast on Sunday, allowing the host to decompress before a new week commences.

I would be so allergic in your shoes and it would definitely sour the weekend for me.

Your boundaries need firming up.

You have a child too. To be tidying up at midnight after a weekend guest would sour me so much.
Very inconsiderate.

Should you ever issue an invitation again, because your friend is so dim and selfish, you need to spell it out to them that they need to be gone promptly on Sunday.

If they come back and thank you, it's also a good opportunity to say you enjoyed it but it was spoilt as it went on too long.

We like to have friends for dinner regularly, but over the years, those that over stayed, do not get invited often.

My husband is very vocal about loving certain couples who know when to leave!

@SionnachGlic

I really don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I know it’s me that’s a bit unsociable. I know I can’t expect people to travel 5 hours for one overnight stay. If they’re coming to visit, they want to stay for at least a week and I get that as it’s a lovely area and so much to explore. If it’s my family, It’s not so bad because we are similar, they like their space too and are happy to go spend time in their room reading or something. They’ll also muck in and make meals and tea! DH’s Family are extrovert to and need to be doing doing doing! They will expect to be feed and watered, It just exhausts me. I guess I will need to be more explicit with his family and other guests that I am an introvert and that I will need to disappear for me time, not accompany them on all the day trips or stay up gone midnight drinking! I’m one of the ‘thank god for lockdown’ brigade at the minute. I’m enjoying the peace and tranquility! I wish I was a bit more extroverted but I’ve tried and it goes against my basic nature. I just feel wiped out by the constant activity.

@ilikemethewayiam I'm the same, I have been fortunate enough to really enjoy lockdown when it was happening, no unannounced visitors, not having to socialise, back to normality now though which of course I am happy about but also gutted in a way.