AIBU

[KellyLDN]

Barren Bitch
Is it acceptable to be victimised for being childless?

I have endured 18 months of being constantly taunted and shouted at for being "sad because you can't have children" and being called a "Barren Bitch" by my neighbours. This vile abuse is deemed an acceptable form of discrimination in our society.

My abusers have no knowledge of my personal or medical history. I am a strong person who never considered that it bothered me not to have children, and I have a full and happy life. Yet, this vile abuse has upset me to a degree that has taken me by surprise.

If I was one of the thousands of people who had endured endless cycles of IVF treatment, or suffered miscarriage, or had a still born child, or had a child die. How would I feel or cope with this abuse?

If these vile insults were related to the colour of my skin, my sexual orientation, my transgender, or my religious beliefs, and used against me for the sole purpose of causing distress and hurt. Then it would be regarded as a hate crime.

So I ask again. Is it acceptable to be victimised for being childless?

@KellyLDN this sounds really strange. How did this abuse start, are you in a feud with your neighbours?

Obviously a really nasty insult so YANU to be upset.

Obviously it’s not acceptable. Why are your neighbours behaving in this way? Is there some dispute in the background?

Agree with PP, it would obviously be bad no matter who said it, once is awful, repeatedly is worse, I'm interested to know why your neighbours of all people think it's necessary to say this to you?

It is not acceptable at all and is really vile.

It's a very strange way for your neighbours to behave and I assume there's a huge back story which of course you don't have to share if you don't want to.

How did this abuse from the neighbours start?
Seems very odd indeed.

You might be interested to know that, as pregnancy and maternity is a protected characteristic by law, I believe this language could be pursued as a hate crime.

It sounds like your neighbours wanted to attack you for something and that’s the way they’re chosen to go. Of course it isn’t acceptable-do you honestly think anyone will say it is?

What’s the back story?

That’s really nasty, and quite bizarre. People don’t even really say ‘barren’ much anymore.

When did they start saying this to you?

Is there more to this? It sounds very strange.

Here for the drip feed

Horrific if this is the case - what is the background? Why the hostility?

As someone who is infertile the phrase makes me fume and want to sob at the time time.

Seriously?

How did this behaviour start? What an odd term for people to be using. Are they extremely old?

My god, that's shocking! Have you reported the. For harassment?

Partner has been in dispute with neighbours for years over shared driveway. Abuse has never been directed at me until now.

It just seems such a random insult to use. As well as a bizarrely archaic term.

I mean, ugly bitch, fat bitch, thick bitch, cheeky bitch - and much worse, are never excusable, but kind of normal for that kind of pondlife to throw around. But barren? When they know nothing about your fertility or life choices anyway is just weird.
And it happens when you leave your house without any kind of communication beforehand?

It must be very upsetting for you.

I don't understand why you asked? If you don't want to engage with any of the responses?

Its totally unacceptable but also really bizarre! Really really random insults to chuck out regardless of situation.

Apologies for slow responses, I work in a hospital, so not easy to get to my phone until break time. Partner has taken to not rising to the bait when they accuse him of making noise in garden, teenagers accuse him of watching them on trampoline (he's short & cant actually see over fence) & being a pervert. They have followed partner in street, accused him of trying to run them over when they have been on our drive, they film him constantly & accuse him of racist abuse (however they never manage to record that though & partner himself is of mixed origin) for which partner was arrested & released. We've put up CCTV. But as he now doesn't rise to their antagonistic behaviour, they've turned on them barren bitch'.

Thank you for suggestions, support & opinions. Very interesting to hear this could be pursued as a hate crime.

Obviously it's not acceptable. What an odd choice of insult.

If these vile insults were related to the colour of my skin, my sexual orientation, my transgender, or my religious beliefs, and used against me for the sole purpose of causing distress and hurt. Then it would be regarded as a hate crime.

Black people are abused, discriminated against, assaulted and killed because of the colour of their skin. Gay people are hated because they're gay, trans people are hated because they're trans, Muslims are hated because they're Muslims... Your neighbours presumably don't hate you or want to harm you because you're childless. They see a potential weak spot and are using that to hurt you.

I'm sorry your neighbours are harrassing you and you husband. There are laws against this. Have you been to the police?

@SuckingDownDarjeeling

I don't understand why you asked? If you don't want to engage with any of the responses?

I actually hate this about mumsnet- somebody posts a thread then they take their time responding. it is MUMSnet. of course we all have busy lives!

@KellyLDN

Barren Bitch Is it acceptable to be victimised for being childless?

I have endured 18 months of being constantly taunted and shouted at for being "sad because you can't have children" and being called a "Barren Bitch" by my neighbours. This vile abuse is deemed an acceptable form of discrimination in our society.

My abusers have no knowledge of my personal or medical history. I am a strong person who never considered that it bothered me not to have children, and I have a full and happy life. Yet, this vile abuse has upset me to a degree that has taken me by surprise.

If I was one of the thousands of people who had endured endless cycles of IVF treatment, or suffered miscarriage, or had a still born child, or had a child die. How would I feel or cope with this abuse?

If these vile insults were related to the colour of my skin, my sexual orientation, my transgender, or my religious beliefs, and used against me for the sole purpose of causing distress and hurt. Then it would be regarded as a hate crime.

So I ask again. Is it acceptable to be victimised for being childless?

Is it acceptable to be victimised for being childless? no way. it is not acceptable to victimise anyone.

am curious as to know why your neighbours are doing this? Have you fallen out with them? That is NOT to say any of this is your fault. am just curious as to the backstory because this is not the usual kind of insult one gets randomly?

@KellyLDN I'm struggling to understand the support you need from your OP; so you have been being targeted with verbal abuse etc for months and this new statement is a recent development. You seem to understand that it is abusive language. What help do you need? Are you confused about whether this is still a reportable offence? I mentioned before and I hope it helps that as pregnancy and maternity are protected characteristics, I feel it would be taken seriously. At least I hope it would.