To break the lockdown rules in these specific circumstances?

[PanicOnTheStreets85]

DH is really missing his parents and has been crying about it this morning. His mental health is not great right now.

DFIL is (very reluctantly) shielding. If he gets the virus it will probably kill him, but he might not have much time left anyway.

We have a 20 month old with no concept of social distancing and we don't drive.

DPIL drive and have been using their car recently (eg for click and collect when unable to easily to get online shopping). DPIL are are a little less than an hour's drive from us.

So legally we could let DPIL drive over and meet us in a park, although it would be difficult to keep DS at a safe distance.

I think a better idea, whilst technically illegal, would be for us to isolate for 2 weeks and then DPIL to just come over to sit in our house without social distancing. The risks ought to be minimal. We think we've probably had the virus anyway as me, DH and DS all had wheezy coughs at the time the virus was at its peak, but I'd want to strictly avoid going out for 2 weeks anyway prior to the visit as I want to minimise the risks.

We could even buy a can or two of petrol whilst preparing for isolation so DPIL would not have to stop off for petrol on the way back.

Would this be unreasonable? Is there any risk that I am missing?

Or would it be a one-off? The latter seems unsatisfactory. But regular meetings in the park with DS strapped into a buggy might be more achievable.

I was think we'd do this now as a one-off for the time being and maybe do the same again (with a further isolation period prior to the visit) in perhaps a few months' time.

I think you (or probably DH) should have a conversation with the in-laws to decide what they want to do. They are all adults and can make a decision based on the risks and benefits of the options. How about a meeting asap in the park or in someone's garden initially. The baby can be kept at a distance. If you prefer to meet in someone's house that is technically not allowed but realistically it is low risk. A small number of people, only 2 households, both of which are keeping to the guidelines otherwise.
We have been repeatedly told by the government to use common sense - this is one of those situations.

I think you might be making this harder than it needs to be, you could literally see them this afternoon by the sound of it if you had DS in a buggy or similar.

is that a justified concern or the creation of an anxiety disorder?

It's a good point as DH is an extremely anxious person, and I'd probably put his current issues more down to the anxiety of possibly never seeing his parents properly again, rather than depression (although I am no expert).

This might be outing but DFIL has approx 30% lung capacity and has had to be blue-lighted to hospital a few times in the last couple of years. DMIL has a slow-growing tumour. They both also have a number of other general health issues.

I'm no actuary and it depends how long things continue but I think there is a significant risk that one or more of them will pass before things return to normal. I don't want to do anything to put them at risk (hence my suggestion of isolating) but equally I am pretty certain that DMIL accidentally admitted that she is still popping to the local convenience shop, so there's a chance they might pick up the virus anyway and die from that as well as the other pre-existing risks of having these health issues.

I felt the same as your DH, OP. My son is my parents only grandchild, they missed out on 3 months of seeing him grow, his first birthday, etc. I broke lockdown rules and met up with them (separately, they're not together) outdoors, so they could see him And give him a hug. We isolated for 2 weeks first, and it was 2 weeks ago and everyone is ok. My mental health was getting very fragile without seeing my family. My DH's parents live 4 hour drive away and are isolating. He is starting to really struggle as we haven't seen them now since Feb. It's all a shit show, we were nowhere near anyone else and they haven't been around anyone since, but I was happy with my decision and we all felt much better for it, especially my dad who lives alone and was getting very lonely.

I won't revisit the thread so if the "you're killing people" brigade comment it will be a waste of time.

If the parents are up for it I would just do it.
AND
I wouldn't bother isolating for 2 weeks prior either.

I would plan it for just a week away. In that time I wouldn't go to any shops at all but going out running and for walks would raise the risks minimally if at all.

The current infection rate in the community in the UK is approximately 1 in a 1000 and the estimation is more than 3/4 of these are people working outside the home which makes it 1 in 4,000 for those not working outside the home. Some (or even most) of these people will be among those who have not taken social distancing and handwashing seriously as they will clearly put themself at higher risk.

All of this says your own risk is very very low.

The normal incubation period is also 5 or 6 days and only very occasionally 14, which reduces the risk still further if you avoid any contact with others for 7 days.

A pp wondered how you would feel if your father did get CV - from the other side, how would you feel if he died from something else without getting the quality time with his Grandson. To me that would be the absolute priority now.