More of a wwyd.
Just as a bit of background - my DB has always been mega competitive and narcissistic. Thing is on a material level he has always ‘won’ by a long way though there are certain things in my life that he is desperately annoyed I have done that he hasn’t.
Anyway, when it comes to engagement between the two families I have always had to chase and made to feel I should be terribly grateful for any unsolicited engagement. For example their youngest did something nice for my youngest and they got miffed when I was openly pleased but not running around getting my DS to make extra effort just because their DD has actually made an effort for once so they ended up never following up.
Another point of interest, we moved south a few years back and they haven’t visited once. Open invite to arrange but they have never taken us up on it. Always too busy so again mine asks why they haven’t visiting and I find myself stuck between levelling with the kids but then thinking I don’t want to involve them in my issues.
Anyway, a couple of days ago they chased me for results for something and got snarky when they weren’t first to know. It’s like if it suits them to know or be involved, fine. But it’s always on their terms.
So to now. It is DS’s birthday in 2 days and when I contacted them just to say hello (not to mention the birthday and push them into acknowledging or doing something) but just to establish contact after the results thing, I got a read receipt and no response. If I forgot or didn’t engage around their kids birthdays tho - I would basically be told I was negligent. Indeed for a particular big birthday for each of theirs I already have in mind something nice I want to do ...
It sounds really stupid but it gets really grating. I just want advice on how to deal and how to feel less stupid with it all. It just feels like I can’t win. If I don’t engage I am slated but I get nothing but hassle and rejection. I can deal with it for myself but when my boys start asking, I don’t which way to jump.