Would you be getting annoyed at this or AIBU?

[SingingInTheShithouse]

Genuine AIBU, as I am starting to get peed off with the following, or if my feelings on it or tainted due to a separate issue with messages between DH & the same person.

Undertones of accusing DH of keeping inherited pieces that weren't meant for him. DH genuinely doesn't have these pieces, though was upset that he didn't get any as it's a special interest of his & they were promised to him too. He hasn't complained that they went to a cousin instead, just accepted that the same grandparent seemed to have made the same promise to all the boys. Cousin definitely seems annoyed he doesn't have the full set though & is quizzing DH yet again, something already covered years ago.

My AIBU is over kids clothing that I posted offering free to local friends on faceache. Made clear it's to free up space we need now, so needs to go soon. DH Cousin pops up saying he'd have older size, but isn't local. Not close to this side of family & they don't live nearby, so we don't know their kids at all, but a very large, not well off family, so I thought it would be nice for his young teen to have a choice of clothes, including some branded stuff she probably doesn't usually have a choice of. So
I offered to post some of it if he covered postage. PM says yes, I'll have that size, plus size X&Y too. Bit taken aback as that wasn't mentioned initially, & no can I, or please or thank you anywhere, but okay I'll go with it. Lots more back & forth, a bit too interested in labelled stuff & contradicting themselves, which made me a bit uncomfortable, so I covered labelled in later photos. Generally hard work understanding replies too as they seemed to contradict themselves

DD was seriously ill & mostly housebound when she was this size, so before anyone picks up on it, yes she was very spoilt, she's also an only, so we could afford it more .

I spent hours & hours going through, folding, pressing, even washing some of it to photograph for the girl to choose from. Made it clear several times over (I thought) that she was to choose a few pieces from each photo, which were broken into tops, pants etc. Only to be left on read, until I pushed harder for a response a day later. Currently have it all blocking our sofa, so I want it packed up or gone, which again was made clear. They've come back saying they can't afford postage for a few weeks, which means I wanted a choice made now so I can bag up the rest they don't want & get rid of it, probably sell now as it's a bit easier than a few weeks ago. Not ideal as that wasn't made clear to begin with, but fir the girls sake I said okay.

At no point have I had a please, thank you or even can I, just I'll have that etc, which is peeing me off as I have a thing about bad manners & if it wasn't DHs cousin I would have told them that they were being rude by now. Im also expecting grief about the postage cost as it's going to be heavy with trainers etc included

A bit more too it, but having finally got the rest of photos back of what they want, they ignored choose pieces from each photo & I just got "she wants everything in these photos.

I feel I've already spent too much time on this for a favour for someone I hardly know, I feel they moving into the realms of cheeky fuckery & as above, the bad manners & tbh entitled attitude & rudely leaving me on read, is peeing me off.

So I of a mind to just choose pieces from the item group photos they've sent me, not send photos of the other kids sizes as I'm expected & did agree to, but shove a few bits in the box of my choosing & be done with it. AIBU ?

I wouldn’t be asking them to choose a few items felon each picture if I was trying to get rid of the whole lot. I’d say either just send the whole lot to them if they want it, or sell individual items if you want to make some money and send them the leftovers.
I don’t really understand why you have an issue with them wanting the lot if you’re offering the whole lot. But they should be paying the postage if that’s what you’ve asked.

They were never offered the whole lot, but first dibs on what I had to get rid off. The postage costs for the whole lot would be astronomical & there's no way they need to whole lot anyway. Had they been polite about the whole transaction though & asked for all of it instead of telling me, I'll have xyz, I'd have probably happily let them have it all for ease & to get rid of it quickly. Unfortunately it's now turning out that I'm not getting rid of any of it quickly as they've just presumed I'll wait a few weeks for postage payment. Plus the general rudeness is peeing me off so each message from them has me wanting to give them less & less

I think they intend to sell it all anyway, so I wouldn't worry about the daughter waiting to wear the clothes.

If you can sell it now then do that, they CF and I'd say it sounds like they plan to sell it themselves.

You don't even know this child, she might not even want/fit any of it

Thanks everyone. I've just had a chat with SIL about it as DH is sitting in the fence as my telling the cousin to bigger off.

You are not wrong that they are a CF!!

SIL wasn't shocked at the behaviour, she had plentyof stories of her own. Phone call asking for her mums TV 2 days after MIL died for example SIL was of a mind that they can't afford it, but presume we can & he's holding out for us just posting it anyway. She suggested pulling out 1 nice & lightweight thing & posting as a gift to the girl & saying nothing as I don't owe the rude fecker any more of my time. And to sell the rest cheaply. Which I've just done

After still completely ignoring my postage cost message for days, my give me your full address message gets an instant reply with the address, so she's right

You've done the right thing.

I just think if I were offering things for free then I’d have a more unconditional approach, rather than limiting what they can have and being annoyed that they aren’t grateful.
If you’ve now sold the items and sent cousins some left over stuff though, then it sounds like a positive outcome for you. Hope you get something else nice with the money :)

The items were offered free for local friends & local pick up. Cousin jumped on the post commenting they'd like 1 size, but aren't local. I was clear from the offset that I'd only post some of it, as it would be just way too heavy a parcel otherwise. I kept repeating that all through the messages with them too. So I couldn't have been clearer. It also wasn't just ungrateful, it was damned right rude

I haven't chosen left overs for the girl, but one nice quality lightweight item that's great for the summer. I've sold the left overs. We will post that for free as a gift.

Money made is to be split between DD as it's her clothes & a food bank

& yes, nice outcome as I don't feel such a bitch to the girl, nor do I feel like a complete mug to the parent.

Thanks again everyone