Grandfather with dementia - family not helping him

[Aprilbaby2020]

Posting for traffic.
My grandfather is late 70s. His wife died two years ago and he lives two hours away in a bungalow alone. The past two years his memory has gotten progressively worse and he is showing all the signs of dementia. My mum booked an appointment for him to see a doctor at the memory clinic who have said they can’t deal with him until he cuts down on drinking (he’s a functioning alcoholic).
The problem is he was abusive to my mum and her brother when they were children and she has blocked this out for many years but recently he has reverted back to talking to her the way he did when she was a child and she’s finding it too traumatic to deal with him.
My mum and uncle have both totally avoided all his phone calls now for weeks. He’s confused and barely eats according to his friends who message my mum asking her to do something.
This is difficult for my mum but I feel she’s burying her head in the sand and placing the responsibility on other people in the community to deal with him which isn’t fair.
The question is how can I help, can I do anything? Has anyone got experience of this? I’m thinking do I call social services and try and get him assessed that way? Thanks in advance

I wouldn't feel remotely guilty about not helping my elderly abusive parent. You seem to be implying your mum should be doing it and she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.

Under these circumstances it isn't your mums responsibility to help her father in any way. I had a similar situation in my family. Adult social care was contacted and he was left in their hands.
There was no guilt or regret at this decision, in fact it was a relief

You do seem to have changed your tune somewhat since your opening post, which I agree with pp as not being supportive of your mum or uncle at all. If his friends are so concerned then they can rally round and do something.

Familial Care in old age is a privilege not a right. If he’s abusive to your mum and uncle then his only option is social services. They can manage everything.

This is difficult for my mum but I feel she’s burying her head in the sand and placing the responsibility on other people in the community to deal with him which isn’t fair.

This is not 'how can I support mum?'

You said what her and your uncle are doing is unfair.

Hopefully, this thread has made you see a different pov.

If friends mention it to you again, point out they have no clue about what's going on and they have no right to judge or guilt your mum or uncle into caring for him.

Hi @Aprilbaby2020 as you are already aware, its adult social services you need to contact. Explain your grandfather is a vulnerable adult and tell them why, ask them for a care needs assessment. It would be helpful, probably necessary for someone to be there when they do this assessment. Do you feel like you can travel and take on that responsibility or would your mum / uncle be willing to be there and get the ball rolling so to speak. Hope this helps, good luck.