Exotic holiday with mum. Leave husband/kids behind?

[MissMudskipper]

It's my 40th next year and my mum has always said she'd love to take me away abroad as a girls holiday her treat. Bear in mind I'm married with 2 kids. My dad is retired and put on a lot of weight since doing so. He's told my mum he cant cope with any long haul flights now.

I've mentioned it in passing before about going away maybe to my husband whose never been too keen on the idea.

Today, mum rang and said she'd found a deal in a location I've always dreamt of going but couldnt with the kids as it's more adult orientated. It's a long haul flight around 10 hours or so. I said I'd have to discuss it with husband. She said it would be 14 nights which immediately I said I couldn't be away for that long it would need to be 7 at the most. Kids will be 6 and 11 at this point. She was looking at August (my birthday is September).

So as not to drip feed we plan on going abroad on a family holiday next Ocyober half term - me, husband and kids. We also need to rearrange our long weekend away as his 40th was in May but that didnt happen due to lockdown.

Tried to discuss it reasonably this evening. I knew it wouldnt get well. I asked him for his thoughts to which he got annoyed (as expected) saying he thought I was selfish as well as my mum. I understand this as I know the kids would be upset and I'd miss them loads! He told me if I went I might as well stay there. He then calmed down and said he thought my mum was always trying to do one better and I should go if I really wanted. He wouldn't stop me.

I know theres so much going on in the world right now. I just needed to know what peoples thought's were. I'd love to go but not to the cost of my marriage and upsetting the kids. Sorry for the long post didnt want to drip feed!!

Would I be completely unreasonable on my family to go?

[Success1986]

Go on the holiday he needs to wise up. Enjoy yourself.

[DilemmaADay]

@HellSmith Your mom could pay for you both to go instead & she could have the kids

"Thanks for the offer mum, but could you pay for my husband instead of yourself, not have a holiday yourself, oh and have the kids for a week" - I can see that going down like a lead shite

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Why does dh have no social life anymore?

Has his 40th birthday celebration been cancelled or just postponed?

[Mummyshark2018]

You should go. It would be lovely to make those memories with your mum.

Your dh is being precious and jealous. Big wow him having to look after his own dc for 1 week.

I go away at least 3 times a year without dh and dc- usually just 3-4 nights to a European city with friends. Have done since dc was small. Dh has also gone long haul with friends. Just today I booked (and paid) to take my dsis on holiday for her big birthday. I had mentioned it to dh in passing a few weeks ago that this was my plan. I don't need to ask his permission, neither does he have to ask for mine. I booked it and told him after. As long as it doesn't clash with something else on calendar then we're both free to make plans and put it it in the diary. He didn't bat an eyelid!

[understandmenow]

She uses multiple weeks to provide 8am-6pm (est) childcare mon-fri.

All her dh is doing is using one week of AL to cover 7 full days and nights. It's still far far below what she has done and is compressed into only needing to use one week of AL.

Exactly, one bloody week, it's not a recurring thing, it's a one off!

[C0RA]

Taking a weeks annual leave to look after your children is one of these things that are just normal / routine / expected when a woman does it.

And an amazing super human Herculean task when a man does it.

Same as cooking a meal from scratch or doing a load of washing AT THE SAME TIME as watching the children.

[Irishprincess]

Ridiculous, he should be happy for you, yes he'd have to sacrifice a weeks annual leave but it probably is a once in a lifetime thing. I personally think he's jealous your getting it and if he doesn't have many friends he can use it to get away with the lads so feels you're getting one up on him

[Glendaruel]

As an adult I've gone on quite a few holidays with my mum, it's given us time away from everything and some great memories. I'm now about to become a mum and think my partner would support me if I wanted to go away when child is but older. Think it's important to have bit of adult time

[Lifeaback]

I would understand maybe if your kids were under 5, but 11 and 6? Your husband needs to sort himself out. The 11 year old I’d imagine is fairly self sufficient and I’m sure a week alone with the two of them won’t kill him.

Your mum sounds lovely, I hope you go and enjoy your girls trip

[marylou1977]

For years I went for a cruise for a week with my mother and cousin. It was lovely and created a lot of good memories for us. My mother would say that she loved to hear us laugh and giggle. My husband always encouraged these trips (though HIS mother wasn’t happy that I went). Mom is 96 now and limited, but still talks about these trips fondly.

[raspberryk]

I would go for the full 2 weeks. If your husband doesn't want to take annual leave then he can pay for holiday club if you really need to go in school holidays. Simples.

[kittiesattack]

I went away just on my own this year to visit friends - it was long haul. I have had a busy stressful few years and my husband was fully supportive. No jealousy even though we don't have loads of money.

[Alsohuman]

I used to go away with my parents for a week every year, paid for by them. I’m married to someone who wants me to be happy and waved me off with his blessing. I’d have thought a lot less of him if he’d behaved like your husband, OP.

[kingkuta]

I amazed that you even need to ask OP and even more amazed at some of these responses and the incredulity that poor ickle DH will have to do a week of childcare. God, some people must have shit lives! It's very common in my family and friends group to go away with friends separate to a family holiday. My DH would 100% support me going on holiday with my DM and wave me off with a smile. In fact I'm doing just this next year for my 50th. Holiday with DM and sister, holiday with friends and then holiday with DH & DD. Never even considered it would be a hardship for him to look after his own child, because it wont be. They'll have a great time together.
I've flown 10hrs for a weeks holiday a few times. Never had jetlag. In fact I've flown 12hrs for a long weekend and was absolutely fine. There must be some really fragile people around to be "wiped out" by a flight.
Just go OP. Kids will be fine, DH will be fine. Cherish the time with your mum.

[Paperchainpopp]

I don’t think your being selfish at all. I think men can be like this sometimes. I went away when my baby was 20months old. The father of my dc refused and I put my foot right down. I went away for 6 nights and I’ve never had the opportunity to go back to that same destination again. Can your husband book time off of work? Get a family member to help him? Mothers tend to do the main load anyway I don’t see the problem its a one off.

I wouldn’t do long haul for 7 nights though jet lag is a killer and it’s just not worth it tbh.

[Doodar]

I wouldn't go on a 10 hour flight for a week, you'll be knackered.
I'd go in July or September when the kids are at school.

[Doodar]

If you're going to SE Asia the weather will be dodgy in August.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

If op is entitled to go away surely her husband is equally entitled isn't he? What's the problem with that?

He hasn't done anything for his 40th because it was cancelled, so what's the problem with him having the same option as op?

[understandmenow]

Good job you're here to offer travel advice when it's not asked for @Doodar, how would the OP manage otherwise? 🙄

[understandmenow]

No problem @Hearhoovesthinkzebras, but I'm guessing that he won't bother doing anything and just wants to play the "i did nothing for my 40th" card!

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@understandmenow

No problem *@Hearhoovesthinkzebras*, but I'm guessing that he won't bother doing anything and just wants to play the "i did nothing for my 40th" card!

Well, hopefully he'll be able to arrange something and celebrate his birthday too.

[lifestooshort123]

Go and make memories with your mum (I wish mine was still here to do the same). As it's now for only 7 nights, would your mum pay for the children to do a holiday club or would that rub salt in his wound? It's a shame he is unsupportive of you having a good time but you really do need to go.

[Pipandmum]

As some one who no longer has a mum I'm telling you to do not hesitate and go. Your husband can cope with being a full time dad for a week. If he protests - shame on him. His children are not a burden and he should look forward to it.
I mean it - this will give you both memories to cherish for ever. It would be my greatest dream to spend more time with my mother.