I have NC'd for this but have used this name before about the same family.
So....I have a very long standing close friend called Lisa (not her real name), and she is married to Gary. They have a DS - Damien, aged 13. Damien is extremely rude, unpleasant, goes out of his way to disrupt or ruin events or arrangements and can be dangerous. Parents very lax and it has made me consider the friendship. Anyway, Damien started behaving a little better at the end of last year, which was a relief as we have a holiday booked with them for this July. We live an hour away from each other but we've seen them regularly (but not since lockdown) and all is well. We were all excited about the holiday and then Covid 19 happened so it was doubtful. It now looks likely it will happen - it is glamping at a very secluded campsite/farm in England, that only takes very limited numbers. Facilities are shared such as showers and toilets, but essentially we and Damien's family have our own field, and our tents will be alongside each other. We are likely to be the first visitors as the site is hoping it will open at the start of school holidays.
I have, in the past, suffered significant health issues - Lisa knows this because we were house sharing during one of them, before we met our DHs. I am not in a shielding category, but I am in a high risk category. My GP has told me I should take great care, and I am, and Lisa and Gary know this. I quite like rules anyway, and I and DH work from home, my DC are off school anyway (age 12 and 13) as their years haven't gone back, and I mostly get a supermarket delivery with a trip to the shops once every couple of weeks.
I was speaking with Lisa a few days ago, and we were optimistic that the holiday will go ahead, and I said how lucky we were to have booked such a safe holiday and if it wasn't such a quiet and secluded site I wouldn't have been able to go.
At that point Lisa said in light of what I'd said, she wanted to be honest with me. She said they are not following the government Covid 19 rules. Damien is allowed out when he wants, and is visiting multiple friends, indoors and out. Gary is also seeing friends and having close contact due to a shared sport that they are doing (that really they should not be doing). They live in a hot spot for the virus.
I said that with the best will in the world, on holiday the DC will inevitably get up close to each other, and want to be in and out of each other's tents and doing things together. Whilst the adults can socially distance, the DC will forget and anyway Damien hasn't been socially distancing at all, and apparently thinks it's stupid. He's the sort of child that would cough on you deliberately for a reaction.
I said to Lisa that I felt the holiday might become quite stressful if I am constantly watching what the DC are up to, and I wondered if they would be willing to follow govt rules (not shield, but stop mixing with people indoors) in the 2 weeks before we go to keep the risk low. Lisa made noises that it was something to think about, but ultimately a few days later told me, No, she would not force rules on her family that they don't want to follow.
Lisa is very honest, she wouldn't lie, but she said she hadn't told me they were not rule following as she knows people might judge them for it, but she's told me now, as it's relevant, and it is up to me if I still wish to holiday with them. I hadn't given thought as to whether they were rule following or not, simply because I thought the holiday wouldn't be happening anyway until recently and I assumed they were.
So, the issue was, I either accept the risk, and holiday with them, or one of us cancels.
I feel quite hurt to be put in this position, but I have said that I can't take those sort of risks. I haven't taken an approach of removing all risks, but I have taken every sensible precaution I can, and followed rules to minimise my risk in light of my health. The upshot is that Lisa has said she will back out of the holiday, and try to get their money back - it is a site my family have been to several times and we know the owners, whereas Lisa and Gary have never been.
It has worked out ok - we have in fact found another family who will buy Lisa's place if the site opens, and I know for sure they are rule following.
How would you feel about the friendship?
Was I wrong to seek to inflict govt rules on them? if so - vote YABU.
Or for YANBU - were they wrong for wanting to come on holiday while not following any rules, thus exposing me and my family to the risks they are taking?