To be worried about the mental health impact on my 12 year old DS

[Littleblackdress04]

DS 12 is really struggling now with the current situation. He’s missing school & the social side of it. He’s feeling lost as was halfway through year 7 - just making new mates, moving away from primary mates so feels a bit lost & doesn’t know who to contact. It’s all a bit isolating & lonely for him, he’s lost a lot of confidence & he says regularly he hates his life, feels sad, hates himself etc. It’s really worrying and I feel paralysed by not knowing what to do as it feels like it’s going to go on for ages. He just needs school to be honest. Doing the work in his room is also getting to him.

Aibu to really worry about the mental health impact this is having?

Its tough. Could he meet up with a friend for a bike ride or walk?

@Froggers that’s part of the problem. He feels like he doesn’t know who his mates are now as he’s limbo between new and old friends. He does game on the play station with some kids & chat on the phone but they don’t live here

I’m DREADING the next 3 months - it’s feels so long. It was almost easier in full lockdown

I have a ds the same age. It's really tough because friendships from primary have drifted but new friendships from secondary school are not established enough. He's also a bit too old for me to organize his social life but not old enough to feel confident to arrange anything. Sorry no advice but I totally understand.

You can’t open a newspaper for talk of mental health concerns, especially children.
I am surprised you’d think you were being unreasonable for even a nano second

That's tricky then. Do any of his old primary friends live nearby? I've got a yr 6 and I've instigated a couple of outside playdates..I get that he is yr 7 so might have moved on from them already

@formerbabe it’s exactly that - I’m trying to encourage him but he’s lost so much confidence - he used to walk miles to school too & he’s funny about going to the local shop now- it’s all so worrying- am at a loss

Contact a counsellor?

Should I get him counselling? I hadn’t thought about it yet as nothing about this situation feels normal - really not sure what to do

You have my full sympathy, I have a y7 too and the same problem of them being caught between primary and secondary. The time they had at secondary wasn’t enough for them to forge strong new friendships, although my DD does have a couple of local friends she’s been seeing.

Could the school help? We’ve had several emails from the school reminding us to contact them if our children are struggling with their mental health.

Mine too. He really only started properly making friends at high school after the Christmas holidays and was finally settling in. Now he's not there any more. He's chatted a bit online to newish friends but hasn't felt brave enough to ask anyone to meet up. It's such a weird, false way of meeting up anyway.
Also dreading the holidays.
I think I might try to track down some of the parents of his new pals and organise him. I wouldn't normally but this is not normal.

Get him out and about, even on the pretext of getting you sobe shopping.

I've noticed a big difference now my son can exercise and hang out with his mates again.

I’ve contacted the parent of one of his primary mates- I wouldn’t normally but he needs to see someone! So fed up of it all

If the primart friends are nearer, it's worth a good try. Their new contacts will have been weakened too.

Secondaries do have keyworker/ vulnerable provision and are likely to have the space to accommodate him as take up is generally lower than primary so that is another option.