...to hate my dog

[SorrySadDog]

I need to gent this off my chest and I know that I will probably be shouted at and please don’t think that I feel it’s okay to feel this way.

I have two dogs, they are three years old. As a family we got a spaniel in June 2017, I love her so much. A month later we realised that we could probably have a second because my husband worked part time etc so someone was home most of the time. I saw an advert for someone wanting to rehome a 12 week old Sprocker Spaniel and I thought that was probably a better idea than getting another puppy, if you want to rehome a dog after only having it for a few weeks then you shouldn’t be a dog owner (the irony as you’ll find out).

I turned up and it was clear she wasn’t a spaniel, I couldn’t work out what she was but the lady said she had been sold to her as a sprocker from a woman’s with gun dogs. I really only wanted a spaniel however the conditions she was living in were not great. Her bowl was piled high with cheap food and she was living in a crate with a neon fluffy child’s cushion as a bed. There were puppy pads all over the place and she hadn’t taught her to go outside. The pads were used and not picked up. The dog was very timid. I felt awful for her so took her home with me and very quickly she became best friends with my spaniel. They brought a lot of joy to our lives and I loved them very much....and after a dna test it turned out she was half springer half border terrier.

Last year she started attacking my spaniel, she has established herself as leader of the pack and does a lot of things that are classically dominating. Urinating over where the spaniel has weed to cover her scent etc. She won’t let her go down stairs in front of her and sometimes waits at the bottom of the stairs and there can be a fight. She’s recently been spayed so I’m hoping that will help with that. She is an absolutely softie around people and even other dogs she’s intimidated by, she’s completely submissive. But she is so mean to my spaniel and I hate it. Over the past 8 months I have steadily grown to hate her. I’ve tried everything to sort the issue and I hate seeing my lively friendly spaniel cowering.

Also, they’ve always slept in the living room with the door shut, for the last couple of months terrier has taken to scratching and whining for hours as soon as the sun comes up and I am at the end of my tether. The second she makes any whining noise it’s like a red flag to a bull. I can categorically tell you that right now I despise her. But you don’t get a dog for Christmas, or three years in this case. You get a dog and you care for them for the rest of your life. But I don’t know how to get over this, how to stop her attacking my other dog and get her to fucking shut up in the morning. If those two things were solved, it would be fine. She’s sat at the foot of the stairs at the moment whining at me because I’ve closed the stair gate. I just can’t.

I’m sad and I’m upset that I could feel this way.

[Teatowel1]

This has been a very interesting thread.
Best wishes OP. I think you have made your decision and for what it's worth, I think it's the right one. You have been able to admit your naivety and mistakes, and found a lovely sounding family who are more suited to her needs.

[Casino218]

@Veterinari no you're clearly not a vet. You're just odd.

[Veterinari]

@Casino218
I guess if you have to resort to name-calling then your contribution to this discussion is exactly what I thought it was

[SorrySadDog]

@Veterinari

What most people refer to as training to assert dominance is actually basic impulse control training. It's bugger all to do with dominance or submission as static hierarchical relationships don't exist in dogs.

The terms dominance and submission are dangerous as they mislabel behaviours as shown by a pp he admits her 'dominant' dog is actually very anxious/fearful and simplify behaviour into a 'power struggle' encouraging the use of force, which has been shown to increase aggressive behaviours (because it increases fear.)

There's nothing about the OP's dog that suggests dominance. Just an anxious dog protecting resources that it is scared of losing.

That does ring true, she’s worried about spaniel taking her tennis ball, she’s worried that spaniel will eat her food (which is likely). Do dogs compete for attention, spaniel constantly pushes terrier out of the way. So for instance today, I was sat on the floor giving terrier some cuddles, spaniel walks in noticed it’s cuddle time and barrels terrier out of the way.

Someone earlier said another spaniel would fit right in and I agree, I think terriers maybe can live with spaniels but just not these two. Tomorrow me and DS8 are driving her up to her new home after school. He didn’t want to come because he didn’t want to say goodbye but changed his mind. This will be tough for us both.

[Veterinari]

spaniel walks in noticed it’s cuddle time and barrels terrier out of the way.

How did you respond? Ideally you would then ignore the spaniel so that behaviour is not rewarded.

if anything from your posts it sounds as if the spaniel is monopolising resources and bullying the terrier - she doesn't need to use aggression to do it because she's already taken over everything. The terrier has no choice but to try and 'fight' if she doesn't want to lose precious resourses and will be constantly anxious. Good luck with the rehoming OP, it sounds as if they'll both be happier without the competition

[Vodkacranberryplease]

My dog (terrier) gets very jealous (there's no other word for it!) of puppies and children. When I'm not there she tolerates both but when I am if I pay them any attention at all she barks at me and growls at them if they go near her.

The best way so far is to make a bit of a fuss over her too and otherwise ignore it. She's very much not dangerous (though the growl is appalling!) and I reassure the owner/parent (who are always lovely and mindful) and she's getting a bit better.

The barking is just her bossing me around (She sits a few feet away and is clearly telling me it's time to go) so she gets the held up finger and 'No!' With a bit of extra eye contact which settles her down for a few minutes. Then once she is calm I might call her over and give her a pat etc. But then I ignore her and she barks again 😁.

But this is a dog that has never bitten anyone. However after 13 years she still does not like children (better with the very little ones) or puppies. And while confident children just ignore her or put her on a lead and run (she goes along happily) it hasn't made an overall difference.

Dogs have their own tiny minds and god knows what goes on in them half the time. Of course they get highly anxious if they feel that they are losing 'their people.' We are their whole world!

OP there's no point in exposing them to more stress than we have to. If you really want a second dog a neutered male spaniel (or male dog) could be a good option. Bitches can have problems together, as can dogs. Mine has never been attacked by a dog but has twice by bitches (one muzzled thank god). And snapped at in the street by bitches but not dogs.

Though there will be a hierarchy between them hopefully they won't see each other too much as competition. It could be though that your dog is best as an only dog though so I wouldn't be in a hurry to introduce another and it should very much be a trial. You'll need a confident and well adjusted young dog with good social skills I think too (though I could be wrong).

There was a lady on one of these tv programs with 2 chihuahuas (one much older) and her answer was to get a third. It shouldn't have worked but actually it did! The trainer was like 😮 but the two younger ones ran around and the older one got a bit of peace. Three spaniels is a bit much though.

[SorrySadDog]

@Veterinari

spaniel walks in noticed it’s cuddle time and barrels terrier out of the way.

How did you respond? Ideally you would then ignore the spaniel so that behaviour is not rewarded.

if anything from your posts it sounds as if the spaniel is monopolising resources and bullying the terrier - she doesn't need to use aggression to do it because she's already taken over everything. The terrier has no choice but to try and 'fight' if she doesn't want to lose precious resourses and will be constantly anxious. Good luck with the rehoming OP, it sounds as if they'll both be happier without the competition

I'd tell the spaniel off, push her out of the way and keep cuddling terrier.

Spaniel is lovely, she just wants ALL the attention

[SorrySadDog]

@Vodkacranberryplease

My dog (terrier) gets very jealous (there's no other word for it!) of puppies and children. When I'm not there she tolerates both but when I am if I pay them any attention at all she barks at me and growls at them if they go near her.

The best way so far is to make a bit of a fuss over her too and otherwise ignore it. She's very much not dangerous (though the growl is appalling!) and I reassure the owner/parent (who are always lovely and mindful) and she's getting a bit better.

The barking is just her bossing me around (She sits a few feet away and is clearly telling me it's time to go) so she gets the held up finger and 'No!' With a bit of extra eye contact which settles her down for a few minutes. Then once she is calm I might call her over and give her a pat etc. But then I ignore her and she barks again 😁.

But this is a dog that has never bitten anyone. However after 13 years she still does not like children (better with the very little ones) or puppies. And while confident children just ignore her or put her on a lead and run (she goes along happily) it hasn't made an overall difference.

Dogs have their own tiny minds and god knows what goes on in them half the time. Of course they get highly anxious if they feel that they are losing 'their people.' We are their whole world!

OP there's no point in exposing them to more stress than we have to. If you really want a second dog a neutered male spaniel (or male dog) could be a good option. Bitches can have problems together, as can dogs. Mine has never been attacked by a dog but has twice by bitches (one muzzled thank god). And snapped at in the street by bitches but not dogs.

Though there will be a hierarchy between them hopefully they won't see each other too much as competition. It could be though that your dog is best as an only dog though so I wouldn't be in a hurry to introduce another and it should very much be a trial. You'll need a confident and well adjusted young dog with good social skills I think too (though I could be wrong).

There was a lady on one of these tv programs with 2 chihuahuas (one much older) and her answer was to get a third. It shouldn't have worked but actually it did! The trainer was like 😮 but the two younger ones ran around and the older one got a bit of peace. Three spaniels is a bit much though.

I'd have 10 spaniels but I don't think my other half would appreciate it! He's gets overwhelmed by the spaniel, and he constantly pushes her away (he's not a dog person). When she's calm he's alright.

We're working on training her to sit in her bed in the living room and not clamber all over us at the moment. The thing is, as soon as I say good girl, she races over!

So, in 15 minutes I will be getting into the car, collecting DS and driving an hour to drop terrier off. I'm taking spaniel too so that DS has a dog to cuddle on the way home. I'm dreading how upset he will be but we can go to see them in a couple of weeks.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Interesting that he's so keen on terrier! I see spaniels as a bit more needy whereas terriers are a bit more independent. Anyway she will be an only dog, coronavirus restrictions are lifting and he will soon get over it.

I actually wouldn't go to visit if it were me. I think it will be unsettling for the dog. She won't understand why you're not taking her home either. But I'm no expert.

[SorrySadDog]

Well an update. Terrier moved in with her new family on Tuesday, I did it fairly quickly after visiting them because I felt holding on to her was unfair, you know 5 more days of stress was unfair. DS was upset about how quickly it happened but he understood it was for her. We drove her up after school on Tuesday and sat out in the back garden. I took spaniel with me so he had a dog in the car on the way home. In the new owners back garden spaniel was going crazy saying hello to everyone and terrier was biting her ankles everytime she went to say hello to a new person. We left after a while, DS refused to let go of terrier and I had to coax him off. He got into the car and sobbed. We drove away saying bye, terrier was in the house playing with their children. I had to stop after 5 minutes and just howl, DS was as well. Spaniel hadnt a clue what we were doing.

We got home, sad but reasonably okay. Spaniel has not noticed terrier isn’t here, she doesn’t seem to be bothered. She’s been calmer almost instantly, I wonder if it’s because she isn’t competing for attention. Spaniels more pleasant to be around, she stays on her bed, she goes to sleep happily. She’s not pushing another dog out of the way. I’ve had updates about terrier, she’s sleeping in her crate and not whining to be let out, she’s having lots of walks and she has totally settled in. The videos show the playful side I know but I’m getting the impression that she’s just so much happier, I can’t really describe it. She’s doggy smiling!

I am glad I did speak to a behaviourist, I don’t feel like I have taken the easy way out because it was emotionally really hard. I think either option was hard in its own way. But I do feel even with training etc that rehoming is the happiest and healthiest option.

I do miss her but I also appreciate that having one happy dog is much better than two unhappy dogs. Spaniel is relaxed, she doesn’t jump up for attention as much. Terrier has the family she deserves.

I do think we will go up for a walk, but we will leave it a few weeks. I do understand the confusing side to that, I don’t want to distress her so I’ll think a bit more. Thanks for all your advice and talking me through this, the perspectives helped me not be selfish anymore!

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

This sounds great OP, hopefully a real improvement for both dogs.
I wouldn't visit the terrier. It's only for your benefit, and risks unsettling/upsetting her in her new home, and making you sad all over again.
Make it a clean break, ask for video updates as reassurance that the home is the right one, but then move on. Focus on spaniel.