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AIBU?

...to hate my dog

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SorrySadDog · 05/06/2020 09:34

I need to gent this off my chest and I know that I will probably be shouted at and please don’t think that I feel it’s okay to feel this way.

I have two dogs, they are three years old. As a family we got a spaniel in June 2017, I love her so much. A month later we realised that we could probably have a second because my husband worked part time etc so someone was home most of the time. I saw an advert for someone wanting to rehome a 12 week old Sprocker Spaniel and I thought that was probably a better idea than getting another puppy, if you want to rehome a dog after only having it for a few weeks then you shouldn’t be a dog owner (the irony as you’ll find out).

I turned up and it was clear she wasn’t a spaniel, I couldn’t work out what she was but the lady said she had been sold to her as a sprocker from a woman’s with gun dogs. I really only wanted a spaniel however the conditions she was living in were not great. Her bowl was piled high with cheap food and she was living in a crate with a neon fluffy child’s cushion as a bed. There were puppy pads all over the place and she hadn’t taught her to go outside. The pads were used and not picked up. The dog was very timid. I felt awful for her so took her home with me and very quickly she became best friends with my spaniel. They brought a lot of joy to our lives and I loved them very much....and after a dna test it turned out she was half springer half border terrier.

Last year she started attacking my spaniel, she has established herself as leader of the pack and does a lot of things that are classically dominating. Urinating over where the spaniel has weed to cover her scent etc. She won’t let her go down stairs in front of her and sometimes waits at the bottom of the stairs and there can be a fight. She’s recently been spayed so I’m hoping that will help with that. She is an absolutely softie around people and even other dogs she’s intimidated by, she’s completely submissive. But she is so mean to my spaniel and I hate it. Over the past 8 months I have steadily grown to hate her. I’ve tried everything to sort the issue and I hate seeing my lively friendly spaniel cowering.

Also, they’ve always slept in the living room with the door shut, for the last couple of months terrier has taken to scratching and whining for hours as soon as the sun comes up and I am at the end of my tether. The second she makes any whining noise it’s like a red flag to a bull. I can categorically tell you that right now I despise her. But you don’t get a dog for Christmas, or three years in this case. You get a dog and you care for them for the rest of your life. But I don’t know how to get over this, how to stop her attacking my other dog and get her to fucking shut up in the morning. If those two things were solved, it would be fine. She’s sat at the foot of the stairs at the moment whining at me because I’ve closed the stair gate. I just can’t.

I’m sad and I’m upset that I could feel this way.

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SorrySadDog · 15/06/2020 07:51

Update:

So we got in touch with a behaviourist and had some discussions about reactive and possessive behaviour, eliminating the things that sometimes cause the aggression as well as spending one on one time with the dogs, keeping them apart and how they’re fine out of the house but clearly the house is territory for the terrier. She said that terriers are very territorial and this may not get resolved especially when I go back to work. The practicalities of keeping them apart during the short periods in out of the house might be impractical. Whilst I guess she should “want” our money she seemed to be leaning towards the idea of finding a suitable home for terrier, she said in her experience reducing territorial behaviour in terriers is really hard work. Additionally whilst on the phone, I had to dash outside because they had their first fight in a couple of weeks, the spaniel was limping afterwards and looks like terrier snagged her tear duct so we’ve cleaned that up. More blood than last time though.

Then, I was talking to a friend who mentioned that someone she knew was looking for a dog. That’s not uncommon “everyone” is looking for a dog these days. But......I drove up to see them with no expectations, sat in their back garden and met them all. And I have been crying ever since, I went to bed crying. They are an older couple with older kids, and a teenage daughter. They live in the country and they’ve always had rescue dogs. Their last dog was an old dog no one wanted from a rescue that they took home rather than send him back (they volunteer walked). And before that they had another rescue. They’re what you call “good people”. Whilst we were there, terrier was relaxed and happy. She wasn’t staring at spaniel (who wasn’t with me) and she was happily running around, tongue out, rolling in her back, licking everyone. The dad and daughter took her for a walk, she didn’t pull on the lead to keep in front of another dog, she did her usual territorial wee every 5 minutes but she had a great time. I watched her the whole time and she was just relaxed. Towards the end of our time there she just flopped at the dads feet and chilled out. She never does that here she’s always whining for attention because spaniel is taking it all.

Spaniel was at home with DP, who said she just chilled and wasn’t clambering over him trying to get all the attention. She just was calm.

I got home and I just started bawling my eyes out. It’s worse when you’ve seen what sort of life terrier could have when she’s an only dog, where she’s with people who can focus their attention on her. I don’t want to do it, the selfish part of me wants her to stay and we just keep battling this and work through it. But, she’s only 3 - she has the potential to be somewhere that she could be happier for the rest of her life. They said if I decided she could go live with them, that we would be welcome up any time and I believe that offer is genuine. In fact I recognised the dad from somewhere but we can’t work out how we know each other.

So I talked to DS8 last night and said that we need to decide what to do. He’s understandably utterly devastated, he loves her so much. But I explained we need to think about what is best for terrier and that is to have a happy in stressful life. I said we need to do the right thing for her, not for us. I explained we could still see her. I was trying to be the strong one but when he started crying, oh my goodness I think I howled and we both just sat there like in a movie holding each other weeping. And then he told me he understood she needs to be happy and it set me off again. I cried from 7pm to 11pm, DP didn’t know what to do so just left me to it

I think the reality of this, and please correct me if you think I am wrong - she could stay with us and she might never be truly happy. We could work on this and maybe get to a point where they can coexist. Or alternatively she could join this new lovely family (ah shit I’m off again!) and we could still see her and be part of her life. I think I know what the right decision by her is. I just don’t want to feel like I’m giving up.

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