...to hate my dog

[SorrySadDog]

I need to gent this off my chest and I know that I will probably be shouted at and please don’t think that I feel it’s okay to feel this way.

I have two dogs, they are three years old. As a family we got a spaniel in June 2017, I love her so much. A month later we realised that we could probably have a second because my husband worked part time etc so someone was home most of the time. I saw an advert for someone wanting to rehome a 12 week old Sprocker Spaniel and I thought that was probably a better idea than getting another puppy, if you want to rehome a dog after only having it for a few weeks then you shouldn’t be a dog owner (the irony as you’ll find out).

I turned up and it was clear she wasn’t a spaniel, I couldn’t work out what she was but the lady said she had been sold to her as a sprocker from a woman’s with gun dogs. I really only wanted a spaniel however the conditions she was living in were not great. Her bowl was piled high with cheap food and she was living in a crate with a neon fluffy child’s cushion as a bed. There were puppy pads all over the place and she hadn’t taught her to go outside. The pads were used and not picked up. The dog was very timid. I felt awful for her so took her home with me and very quickly she became best friends with my spaniel. They brought a lot of joy to our lives and I loved them very much....and after a dna test it turned out she was half springer half border terrier.

Last year she started attacking my spaniel, she has established herself as leader of the pack and does a lot of things that are classically dominating. Urinating over where the spaniel has weed to cover her scent etc. She won’t let her go down stairs in front of her and sometimes waits at the bottom of the stairs and there can be a fight. She’s recently been spayed so I’m hoping that will help with that. She is an absolutely softie around people and even other dogs she’s intimidated by, she’s completely submissive. But she is so mean to my spaniel and I hate it. Over the past 8 months I have steadily grown to hate her. I’ve tried everything to sort the issue and I hate seeing my lively friendly spaniel cowering.

Also, they’ve always slept in the living room with the door shut, for the last couple of months terrier has taken to scratching and whining for hours as soon as the sun comes up and I am at the end of my tether. The second she makes any whining noise it’s like a red flag to a bull. I can categorically tell you that right now I despise her. But you don’t get a dog for Christmas, or three years in this case. You get a dog and you care for them for the rest of your life. But I don’t know how to get over this, how to stop her attacking my other dog and get her to fucking shut up in the morning. If those two things were solved, it would be fine. She’s sat at the foot of the stairs at the moment whining at me because I’ve closed the stair gate. I just can’t.

I’m sad and I’m upset that I could feel this way.

[SummerDayWinterEvenings]

Rehome her. I through a situation of no fault of mine -ended up with another dog middle of last year - I already have 2. She was at my dogs daily every single day and it was nasty. Things would settle and then it would all kick off. Ended up with her needing antibiotics from the vet after a bout of snarling and agression between them -and I know the vet and she was looking for another working dog -and she took her. The relief was fantastic. I still see her and get pictures. My two haven't missed her at all and you could see the tension level lift within days. No risk of the children getting caught in a fight. Just rehome. The dog will be happy, you will be happy and your other dog will be happy. It's a win win.

[incognitomum]

Good luck.

I got a rescue of 16 months. He's 13 now. He was a nightmare and had been rehomed twice. I used dog whisperer techniques and got him socialised in a few weeks. He still hates little dcs though but we just keep him away from them.

[StoppinBy]

I had a whippet and a GSP who one day, after living together for 5 years decided they hated each other. I could not have them together without the GSP wearing a muzzle because the whippet would cause fights and the GSP would tear her to pieces.

The first fight they had why GSP tore open the skin on my whippet's neck (they have very fine skin and tear easy, no damage was done beyond the massive tear in the skin), I tried to reintegrate them and the same thing happened again.

I lived with those two dogs separated until the whippet died of old age and it was the shittiest thing ever, my GSP got separation anxiety, I couldn't leave her in the house as she would stress out and trash it, I couldn't leave her in my wood she with a run as she tore the wood off it and broke out, she broke just about everything I tried to contain her in, she howled and yapped all day long when I was at work, this had never been an issue before as they all (I had three dogs at the time) had access to the back end of my house plus the yard when I wasn't home.

It was a nightmare. I would never ever live again with two dogs that didn't get along and I 100% understand your feelings towards the dog. I honestly think your dog, if she is very friendly would be happier as an only dog with people to love and who love her and I feel your other dog would be happier without being picked on all the time.

When you want to have two dogs you are best to pick two of the opposite sex, you are less likely to have these kind of dominance issues.

[StoppinBy]

**wood SHED with a run sorry, not wood she

[icansmellburningleaves]

That dog knows you hate her. That’s so horrible to read. They are very intuitive creatures. The dog deserves better so needs rehoming to a family who will love her.

[Hanamuslim]

Dont feel bad about the choice of giving her away. It's for your first dogs best interests. Dont feel guilty. It's such a shame your poor dog Is like this.


My father had a friend who would regularly visit with his dalmatian dog in tow. The dalmatian was huge, not a normal size, in actual fact he was taller and built like a rottweiler. .....and tbh I began to wonder if he was really full dalmatian and not a cross breed. But his coat was literally a dalmation coat over a great Dane lol.
We had a chihuahua who I loved like mad called Gizmo. He was the sweetest boy. Anyway. When my fathers friend would come to visit he would always bring the dalmatian. The dalmation was an absolute beast and my father and his friend would both have to hold the lead when taking him for walks. It scared me out of my wits. He would go for anything. Cats, birds, smaller dogs. One day he went for a little Jack Russel type dog that an elderly lady was walking. Absolutely horrendous, the dalmation caught and was chucking it about in his mouth. He was really quite viscous. Anytime, my fathers friend came round with the dalmatian, we had to put the chihuahua outside so that he wouldn't attack gismo. Then one night after a full on drinking session (sadly, I grew up in an alcoholic household) my dad and his friend had what they thought in a drunken stupor, a great idea to try and bond the two dogs. It was a really stupid idea, especially while drunk. My dad and his friend had to hold the dalmation down while I was literally petrified and scared holding the chihuahua who was also very timid and scared. The dalmatian wanted to assert his dominance as the bigger dog. And it was just a nightmare. Eventually the two dogs got used to each other. But gradually over time my father and this friend sort of drifted apart, which was quite a relief. Because who knows the dalmatian might one day decide to full on attack the chihuahua and none of us could have maybe stopped him.

In your case, the second dog could one day decide to full on attack your dog.and for example if you intervene the dog could attack you or maybe even your child.


If you want to get an animal behaviourist then go for it. If you decide to rehome to someone without pets that is your choice too.


Sorry to hear you're going through all this. But please dont feel bad or guilty as you did take the dog on with the best interests. In my religion it's important to treat animals and humans equally nd to treat animals with kindness. So we all l know you have good intentions...


I know it's so expensive to replace carpets as well. I have heard of dogs having periods but never really understood how it works as obviously they can't wear sanitary pads. How do you manage it, isn't only when they're in heat , if you dont mind me asking.

[NoseyfriendNC]

No-one should get a dog without thinking it through properly and I hate people who get a dog and get rid of it like it's nothing BUT sometimes you do need to get rid of a dog for the dog's sake. I know many people who've got a second female dog and they just fight and it is not fair on either dog so one has to go and ends up having a wonderful life.

It sounds like you don't like terriers much so you may be projecting an energy that the dog can pick up on and your subconsciously making her worse. Don't feel bad by doing what's right by your dogs.

[LakieLady]

I think you're going to have to rehome her, OP.

There's a saying "A dog and a bitch seldom fight, two dogs sometimes fight, two bitches always fight". I know two bitches can often co-exist quite happily, but the combination of two bitches where one of them is 50% terrier isn't likely to be one of those. (I have a lakeland terrier bitch and she is incredibly bossy and stroppy with other dogs in the home, even MIL's home, and was vile to the male lakeland I had for 5 years before I got the bitch).

It's not fair on either of them, tbh.

If you live somewhere rural, you might find someone who does rough shooting who might be prepared to take her on. I've seen a few people who use cocker/springer x terriers for beating, they're very good at it. A little ill-disciplined for more formal shoots, though.

[pilates]

I think a behaviourist should be your first port of call. It may just be some minor adjustments that need to be put in place. At least you can say you tried everything. Good luck, it must be horrible for you 💐

[MitchellMummy]

I haven't read all the comments - but have you had the dog checked out by a vet? We had a dog who used to attack our other dog on occasion. We found out what the triggers were and avoided them. But when he did it one day with no apparent trigger we took him to the vet - he was in pain and needed his meds increased. After that all was well. Not suggesting it's the panacea but worth a try if you haven't already? Good luck.

[tartanbow]

I've been in this situation. not in the exact same scenario but disliking my dog.

it was my partners dog, we moved into a very small place and me and partner both worked full time. he was a mastiff and needed a lot of time and care (as he should and deserved) but we couldn't give it to him. he didn't have the space or access to outside either during the day. consequently, he destroyed everything in our home most days and used to break out. it was an incredibly stressful, shit time, I fell out with my partner constantly over it cos I felt it was really cruel on dog to leave him alone all day and how anxious he clearly was. it made me dislike dog and partner (a lot of the time, it was my things and furniture that got destroyed).

we rehomed him in the end, and although I still feel guilty looking back, it was the best thing for him. hes in a place with another dog of the same breed they got on brilliantly. he has access to a garden all day and a home where someone is in all the time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is dont feel guilty for your feelings, they are understandable but if rehoming is for the best please do so. it's much more fair on the dog than keeping them out of misplaced loyalty

[sonjadog]

Rehome her. My last dog was rehomed to me by someone with several dogs who just couldn't get him to fit in with their lifestyle. He absolutely blossomed as an only dog and we had happy years together. The best and most responsible thing his previous owner did was realize that the best thing that could happen for him was to find a different home. Sometimes good owner is knowing when to find your dog a new home.

[Motorina]

I would rehome. Without a doubt. Knowing you are doing so in the best interests of both dogs, both of whom deserve to be safe, loved, and happy.

[EmeraldShamrock]

It is difficult, it was almost like you were describing my DC the different dominant personality trait of DS. I'd rehome her she'll take over.

[Mawbags]

My dogs didn't get along, in fact the daughter was bullying the mother! I rehomed the mother as she was less comfortable around noisy kids and she now lives with an old man who utterly adores her.

You're doing the right thing to rehome her, its a hard decision but she will also be happier in the right environment.

[Skyla2005]

For the sake of your other dog I would find a living home for it. Do you have any friends or family that would be willing to rehome it You could try a behaviourist to try and solve the bullying issue Good luck

[Vodkacranberryplease]

I've been watching that dog behaviour programs with a guy called Graham Hall 'dogs behaving very badly' He is incredible - very very clear and easy to follow. You may actually be able to get enough to try a strategy to help.

Awful for you, you must feel dreadful and it's horrid to see your lovely spaniel being stressed that way.

[SorrySadDog]

I don’t have any friends or family who would rehome her, they either have dogs or cats already (and boy does she want to eat the cat’s).

I don’t particularly want her to go to a kennels awaiting adoption etc so it would probably be a slow process and I’d be happy for her to stay here whilst a rescue found her somewhere. I don’t k ow how it works. She is a lovely dog, she loves kids hasn’t ever shown any signs of thinking she’s better than humans! She just does not like the spaniel, who is currently lying next to me. Terrier is downstairs with my partner watching him play games. I’ll have had her three years next month, I’m in tears even as I think about it but often the right thing to do is the most heartbreaking.

[Itsjustmee]

Do you have a big enough garden to keep one of them outside
We have several dogs that live outside - big massive kennels and runs ( they get walked every day and are very happy .

I have one that lives inside because while she is lovely with humans she is a complete bitch with other dogs and would literally kill another dog . Originally we we didn’t want a dog inside
But a bit like you we decided that we wouldn’t give up on her as if she went to another home she would have been put down due to her aggression with other dogs .
She’s a very desirable breed excellent pedigree but totally dangerous to other dogs.

She is happy on her own living inside with us she apart from her bad attitude to other dogs she is a perfect dog 😂 we have had her 9 years now and she’s getting old . Still a Marduk cow with other dogs but we love her

[Hamsterian]

Why didn’t you do a bit more research before rushing into adopting a second dog? Really you were asking for problems.
Rehome the dog responsibly to another family. They know when they are not loved.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

In the interim keep the dogs apart and then for training in the same room the terrier on a lead. Any aggression or dominance IMMEDIATELY say NO and walk her to a room nearby and put her In there. Good if there's a glass door so she can see the family enjoying itself. Let her out after about 10 mins on the lead. Any dominance NO and back in the other room for 15 mins. Keep going and only let her stay with you all when well behaved. Start small with the things you need eh being in the same room and work towards the ones you know are the biggest nightmare.

Same with the stairs. Keep her on the lead and when they are heading that way grab the lead say NO loudly when she pushes in front and make her walk behind all of you. Going out the front door and coming back in ditto.

Any situation you can think of, if you can control every single interaction (keeping them apart otherwise) say NO, remove the dog, or stop it (I saw him do this with a snarling jack Russell on the sofa). NO, yanks the lead, dogs off the sofa and only allowed back when calm. Then slowly you amp up what they have to do - in this case it was the child reaching across, them reaching across and patting him. Firm but not emotional, and EVERY single time really quickly till they get it,

I would let spaniel sleep in your room or in a more favourable position and put other dog downstairs too just to set the tone.

Dogs can and do get jealous but equally they can and do change as long as you can control the situations in time every time - in the home that's easier as you simply don't let terrier in unless on a lead and in training mode.

This is all Graham hall stuff by the way, pretty sure he's got social media vids etc if you have t got catchup. It's on channel 5. I've seen them all (dog whisperer etc) and he is by far the best.

No wonder when you start to google him the first question is 'is Graham hall married'? (Answer yes, I know because I too checked )

[Chocolatedeficitdisorder]

I used dog whisperer techniques

please don't recommend this.

The 'Dog Whisperer' Cesar Milan is considered a dangerous character to follow. He is not trained in dog behaviour and what you see on the show is heavily edited in his favour. His techniques cause fear in the dog and produce suppression of behaviours - exactly what you don't want for a long-term solution. Try some of the positive and knowledgeable trainers like Victoria Stilwell or Kikopup on Youtube.

Cesar Milan hurts dogs - he uses painful methods along with physical aggression to dominate dogs. This causes them to shut down and stop showing the behaviour - a bit like a prisoner with cruel guards will behave. Does it help with relationships or fear issues? No.

[vanillandhoney]

@incognitomum

Good luck.

I got a rescue of 16 months. He's 13 now. He was a nightmare and had been rehomed twice. I used dog whisperer techniques and got him socialised in a few weeks. He still hates little dcs though but we just keep him away from them.

Please don't recommend techniques like this.

Caesar Milan is dangerous in terms of dog-training and his techniques should not be followed. He uses negative reinforcement and frankly some quite abusive "methods".

[Shrewsdoodle]

Chipping in as I have two anxious/ highly strung dogs (each in different ways). BUT sometimes these things just don't work out and maybe the dog is better off responsibly rehomed. I really hope you find the right solution for your family including the dogs! Your feelings are understandable, you're under a lot of stress and maybe this just isn't meant to be.
Having said that, if you do want to keep her are there specific triggers/situations you can feasibly avoid? E.g. competing over food/toys (on the floor or feeding one treats I'm front of the other), one getting to go somewhere without the other (and attacked on return), getting on each others' space. Stop giving them access to upstairs if it's a specific issue, at least until they get on better?
We realized immediately dog 1 (D1) is an "only dog". He's extremely grumpy and with both being nervous we've had a few scuffles (and some patches where it became frequent as the puppy matured), but we manage certain situations (food, toy availability) to avoid triggers and manage D2 when he's being (for lack of better word) an annoying sod. They're BFFs but they could still have a spat if pushed and they feel cornered, it's just what happens with some highly strung dogs.
A behaviourist should be able to help with the scratching but that would drive me insane too!

[incognitomum]

I didn't use any technique that hurt my dog and know the dog whisperer is far from popularon mn. He went from being a nervous wreck screeching at other dogs who you could barely see in the distance to loving most dogs. He's the happiest dog and everyone loves him.

Old now but can still do a long walk thanks to a health supplement he's now on. His back legs were going before this and my friend who boards and walks dogs said some of his dog owners recommended it. Off topic I know 😊