NDN living alone repeats herself - AIBU to keep tabs?

[Coffeebiscuitsrepeat]

My 72 year old NDN is absolutely lovely, and has lived on her own since the death of her husband 5 years ago. None of her daughters live nearby (nearest is 50 miles away in London). I've become really close with her since she moved in 2 years ago, and although the 40 year age gap, we get on like a house on fire!

Lately, I've noticed that she will tell me a story and then often, 30 mins to an hour later, repeats the same story again. It's not constant, but enough to notice it happen at least once every time I see her. I don't know that many women in their 70s on a friendship basis, but I wondered whether I should be concerned or if it's just a normal part of ageing?

Sorry if I sound patronising - I'm just aware that because she lives on her own and it's lockdown, she has no family nearby to notice things like this.

My AIBU is whether I should keep an eye on her and perhaps mention it to her family when they next visit? Or should I leave it alone?

YABU - No, leave it
YANBU - Yes, keep an eye

Meant to add that I don't think early 70s is old at all, which is perhaps why I've flagged it up.

I would keep an eye and also look out for other memory problems like confusion. Would also mention it to family when they visit so that they are aware.

No, it’s normal.

I repeat myself a lot. Early 40s. It's not necessarily cause for concern.

Telling you the same story within an hour is a bit worrying, yes. If it had been within a few days, not so much. I also agree that early 70s is not old so this does seem to point to some kind of memory loss. Do you ever mention to her that she's already told you something?

It’s not normal to repeat yourself 30 mins - 1 hour later. If you can kindly let her family know I’m sure they would appreciate it.

@DeborahAnnabelToo I wish I could mention it when she repeats herself, but I just can't bring myself to do that! I know she would be mortified.

There doesn't seem to be any other signs of confusion etc., but the repetitive things also occur in text messages. The other day we were in the garden and she told me a story about why birds need to eat more in the summer, and within 20 minutes she had repeated it again.

I would see if she will let you book a doctor's appointment and you go with her to explain.

My nan has vascular dementia and this was the first sign. No other confusion, or forgetting people. Just repeating stories and asking the same questions over and over. It got better with treatment right away but didn't fully go away.

It's been 6 years now so it's starting to progress, she's got no short term memory at all now so will repeat things every 5-10 mins. Her long term memory is still perfect though so she knows where she is/who everyone is. She can remember what happened last week, just not what happened 5 mins ago.

Definitely keep an eye out. If you have a good relationship then speak to her about it rather than her family, if you feel able suggest going for a chat at doctors. It could be all sorts causing it such as urine infection, change in medication, dementia or stress at current situation. She perhaps isn’t aware she is doing it but may be aware of other things happening. I wouldn’t mention her repeating herself everytime you talk though, it may make her shy away from chatting to you at all.

Thank you for your replies.

I also feel really sorry for her as she has such severe arthritis in both hands, she can barely hold a knife and fork or do up a zip etc. I offer her help regularly but she is a proud lady and refuses! I will try and muster up the courage to gently mention it next time it happens.

My gran developed Alzheimer in her mid-60s. It can be slowed a bit with medication if diagnosed. Why not keep a tab and flag it to her or a family member (hoping she gets visited again post cv19) if it gets worse?

My mil started with Alzheimers in exactly this way. She was early 60’s.
You’re ndn needs to be assessed so her dc need to know your concerns. You’ll have to be very tactful though.

I would mention it to the Carers or her children if you can. You can get adapted knives and forks etc. here are some

www.livingmadeeasy.org.uk/eating%20and%20drinking/cutlery-1478/

They may help her stay more independent.

Help with zips/buttons

www.amazon.co.uk/Clothing-Zipper-Helper-Arthritis-Sufferers/dp/B07FF27JQG?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I would keep my eye on things. She may be lonely, and especially now we have lockdown, and that be why she repeats herself - I tell people the same thing sometimes and I'm a lot younger. Another reason could be the medication she takes for her arthritis

When my mum started dementia there were quite a few things as well as repeating and forgetting things. It's losing her inhibitions, emotions all over the place and inappropriate responses to things, behaving out of character, difficulties processing and sequencing things - like she couldn't remember her bank details or input them properly or she got in a muddle with her dental appointments. I would keep a note of anything unusual and if you have concerns try to talk to her family.

You sound like a lovely ndn. We had a similar lovely old lady nd. Never a bother, loved talking to my very young dc. Her dd's weren't very nice. We had a few episodes of her getting locked out. A nap and she thought it was the next day. A carer appeared.. Before long her dd's were trying to get us to assist in getting her into a home. She wasn't in need imo. I wouldn't speak up. They told her respite for a week end..
Her personal belongings were binned. Precious photos down by her bin.
Never saw her again.
Actually broke me tbh.
They put their heads down whenever I saw them around.
She died about a year later..
Poor woman.
Enjoy your lovely friendship op.
Special people are few and far between..

My Mam went through this so I mentioned it to my Dad who didn’t think it was anything to worry about, turns out he was right she was just bored senseless and is someone who likes to talk so would just repeat parts of stories she had already told me a day or two ago. It might just be a lockdown thing. Keep an eye on her though. We need more neighbours like you.

Howling with laughter at people who repeat themselves and think it's normal.

Those of you who repeat yourselves - can I ask why?

My parents are about the same age and tend to repeat themselves a bit, although not as often as you mention (i.e. not the same story twice within the hour).

I think going with her to the doctor would be widely overstepping boundaries, and I'd be well pissed if I were the neighbour's daughter and I heard you had done that.

Nothing wrong in keeping a bit of an eye out and maybe mention it (tactfully) to her family when they visit.

I had the same issue with a lady not NDN whom I had visited for some time. Being alone and inactive isn't conducive to cognitive maintenance. I was able to get her DCs contact details and give them a heads up. Hard to sort under covid regs but worth a try. Well done you.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to give you an update. NDN told me yesterday that she has an appointment with GP, as one of her daughters suspects alzheiners disease. I dearly hope this isn't the case. We are such good friends despite the 40 year age gap and she is an amazing lady.

Also, other symptoms I've noticed other than repeating herself:

-She has missed appointments
-She can't bring herself to remember the right word for something, relatively often
-She gets frustrated sometimes and says "My brain is so useless/fuzzy at the moment!"

Howling with laughter at people who repeat themselves and think it's normal. Bemused, completely puzzled, I can understand, but "howling with laughter"? Are there any other medical conditions that you laugh at?