Ex-MIL...one sided contact?

[Lollypop4]

AIBU (&petty) to wait & see how long Ex-Mil gets in touch?

Ive always had a reasonably good relationship with MIL, but Ive always been the one to call and visit with DC (Her only Grandchildren are my 2 DC, age 14 &12).
She has never had a good relationship with Ex-Husband , they havent spoken in almost 20yrs, this has never interfered with her relationship with the grandchildren though.
Since lockdown, we've not seen her (shes shielding) but we've called twice a week, until 3weeks ago, where Tbh, I got to the point of realising if it wasnt for me,no effort would be made from her to get in touch and My point has been prooven I guess.
I guess my Q is, now the children are older, I dont need to take them (when lockdoen lifts) or call her as much at all (we live close and DC are now at age where they can easily walk) but do I wait it out to see if she contacts them? (To add, she is more than capable of calling ect, she is very tech savvy and able bodied)

I think if you’re both in the habit of you always contacting her it’s a bit tough just to stop that suddenly.

Could you encourage your sons to get in touch themselves? They’re old enough to pick up the phone now and then to speak to her without you having to arrange it.

If it's always been like this, not sure she will change without some obvious nudging.

I might be inclined to send a message saying 'hey MIL, we thought maybe we could split the calling, so we'll call you on Tuesdays and you call us on Fridays' (or whatever day) and see if that gets a response.

Yes a nudge to split maybe a good idea.
Dc have also called on own terms -didnt word that too well in OP, They've done the calling for the last 12months, I speak to her normally once a week , off thier calls if that makes sense, Just a quick "How are you " conversation really.

I think you can read too much into the pattern. My family, the younger person contacts the older one, always. It's a respect thing. I'm not saying it's right, but an older relative could be really distressed about losing touch but they still wouldn't ring. 'If they wanted to speak to me they would, I'm clearly too much trouble now' etc etc.

If she's a welcome addition to their lives stay in touch, but at the rate which suits you. Don't cut her off because you think it's her turn to ring.

It works both ways. Let you kids contact her if they want

I would leave it up to your children.

Yes, I wouldn’t break the pattern/habit without a chat first. I can literally count on my fingers the number of times my mum has called me in the last 15 years but we’re close and I call her at least every week. She sometimes says ‘I know you’re busy so I let you call’ and she definitely misses it if I go a week or two without.

I agree you are over thinking it. Left to her own devices my mum wouldn’t phone anyone despite missing us terribly - she feels really uncomfortable calling anyone like its an imposition