To not cut my sons hair?

[Jeleste]

DS is 6 and he wants to grow his hair.
He usually gets quite sweaty on his head, so we compromised and i am allowed to cut his hair short on the sides and the back. He wants to keep it long on the top. His goal is to eventually have hair like Rapunzel

At the moment his long hair at the top reaches down to his chin. The problem is that its wavy and quite wild and its always hanging in his face. It doesnt seem to bother him at all, but it bothers everyone else, because it looks very untidy. Everyone keeps telling me to cut it already (DH, grandparents etc.)
The thing is, i think it really suits him, i just wish he would let me tie it back for school at least, so he doesnt look untidy. He looks really cute when its tied back and he lets me do it at home. It doesnt really bother me that he looks unkept at school when i dont have to look at him But DH thinks it doesnt reflect well on us to have him walk around looking like he's homeless.
DS let me tie it back for school once. He said most classmates were really excited about his new look, but his 2 best friends didnt like the attention he got and started telling him he looks like a girl, so now he refuses to tie it up again.

AIBU to let him get on with it, since it doesnt bother him and he really doesnt want it cut?

I absolutely loathe long hair on boys! But that's my issue, nobody else's! I'd say let him have it long whilst he's off school but suggest he cuts it a bit when he goes back? Nits are an absolute bastard.

I've never cut my 4 year olds hair and it is wonderful. He has beautiful golden curls that hang below his shoulders. It is tied up for school and when we go out as he'd look like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards if we didn't.
The only part I trim is his fringe so he can see but that's it. Otherwise he is clean, tidy and looks just like his Dad, who also has long hair.
We've had comments about him being/ looking like a girl and we just correct them after all girls can have short hair and boys can have long

*if he won't tie it back

YANBU - let him pick his own hair style!
Although I can sympathise with him re being teased, I would try to encourage him to keep it tied back somehow - mostly for nits (it's mentioned often but hair up/down made a massive difference when our lot kept catching them!), but also for practical reasons eg fiddling, getting it caught etc.

Hygiene-wise at that age all hair long enough to be tied back should be tied back for school/nursery/clubs/teams etc, any time they're around other kids, because of nits. It's non-negotiable imo, kids are lovely but also undeniably seriously gross tiny louse factories.

He just refuses to tie it back and im tired of discussing it with him. He also argues very well for his age. Like i said to him this morning that he has to either tie it up for school so that it looks tidy or we cut it. The conversation went on like this:
DS: i like the way my hair looks when its not tied up. I dont like it tied up, because my friends laugh at me and say only girls tie up their hair.
Me: well i dont like how it hangs in your face, doesnt that bother you?
DS: no!
Me: well it just doesnt look nice when its so untidy.
DS: what if i dont like the way your hair looks? Will you cut it?
Me:
DS: see, why cant i choose the way i look? You choose the way you look!

And all this from a 6 year old! So i told him i wont nag him anymore

You've picked the wrong argument- he doesn't need to tie it up because you prefer how it looks, he needs to tie it up because it's unhygienic to have it down.

DS1 has never had really short hair, but when he was about 6 it ended up getting long between cuts and the last few years the fringe has been outgrown and it tends to be about shoulder length. It works well for him as he has strong and awkwardly aligned crowns and cows licks with no natural parting. The length weighs it down and stops it defying gravity in all directions.

It really suits him and has that neutral, androgenous look while he's still prepubescent. He does occasionally get "girl" comments, it's a bit of a boy= cropped hair area. At least when he's shy/ embarrased, he can use it as a protective security blanket.

I limit him to shoulder length because he refuses to tie it up, so it's easier to keep it just under that threshold.

I would let him wear it down, but explain to him that he will have to have the nit comb put through his hair once a week, to stop him catching them. If he complains about that, then it gets tied up.

Bloody name change fail.

So you told him he would have to tie it back or cut it. He refused to tie it back but you didn’t cut it? And you wonder why he refuses!

WTF hair is unhygenic if worn 'down' ?

@oldraver not in general for adults, but for small children, yes. Nits!

My 5 year old DS has the most beautiful long straight copper hair, down to just below his shoulders. It's his choice. His 4 year old brother is clipped - his choice too! I love how soon they develop a sense of individuality.

I like long hair on boys. I'd let him grow it. It annoys me that little girls are positively encouraged to have long hair, while as soon as a boy's gets past his ears every man and his dog is telling you to get it cut and how untidy it is. Ds1 had lovely long hair for a while but then stopped letting us brush it so it was a tangled mess and we had to get it cut. I'd let him grow it again though if he wants to when he's older.

YANBU

I have the same issue when it comes to my five yo with autism. He has beautiful bouncy curly hair. When soaking wet, it is straight, and then starts to wave and then curl as it dries.

My dad and my husband’s side of the family would ask when I was going to cut it when he was younger. They seem to have an issue with long hair on boys. BIL even suggested son wear a turban like a Sikh 🙄. He was often confused for a girl (even before his hair curled) regardless of what he was wearing which didn’t really matter to us.

It was cut once and I hated it and so did he having to go through the process. His curls are a part of him and they suit him which now the in-laws agree. Funny enough, he is considered to have the best hair in the family. I continue to keep it long, but keep it trimmed where it doesn’t tangle too much.

I would let him grow the whole lot of his hair so he can just have long hair. I don't see the problem.

@Sirzy well he made a good argument and changed my mind. I stick to my important ultimatums, but he was right, i shouldnt force him to look a certain way just because i like it better.

And the hygienic part doesnt bother me so much. His hair is regularly washed and brushed and is clean. His school has someone come in every 6 months to check all kids for knits. My sister has been a teacher there for years and she said they havent had a single case for the last 5 years or so.
Lots of girls in his school dont tie their hair, so he doesnt see why he should.

It's his hair, he's strongly expressed a preference, let him have it how he wants.
(I do think long hair ought to be tied back at school though, girl or boy, for practical and hygiene reasons. Having said that my 6 year old girl often takes her plaits out as soon as she's dropped off, grrr.)

I don't know why people get so agitated about boys with long hair. Do they think they'll "catch the gay" or something? My son is now 15 but had long hair from age 3-10 (his choice) and I was constantly being lectured by people , even complete strangers to "get his hair cut". My mum was one of the worst. I would say her opinion was irrelevant and she'd continue "well, my friend Mavis says it looks awful" as if that would suddenly make me book him in at the barber's!

Let him have it how he wishes. Would he wear a hairband to keep it out of his eyes, the type men and women wear for sport?

But similarly, I made my feelings known at my daughter's (primary) school when they requested that 'girls with long hair' tie it back.

Why? Didn't the boys have to as well?

I have waist length hair, DH has a beard and a ponytail. DS wanted to grow his hair from as soon as he could express a preference, to be like us. He has it trimmed when it gets halfways down his back but is currently past his shoulders. (He's 10)
He gets a bit pissed off with "what would she like to drink?" kind of questions - he has a pretty face, sadly - but normally says very patiently, "My name is Junior Mole and I'm a little boy".

We think the issue is going to come when he starts to grow an Asterix moustache....

images.app.goo.gl/cmME2nq7DHLA5tFk6 like this?

Ohh thanks @Chochito. I will try to sell him on the idea!