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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

At my wit's end- do I report?

54 replies

ChangedAgainJune · 04/06/2020 01:43

DP is very close to his family. He is a key worker (not NHS, but mixing with people all day long). He's been going to see his extended family members all through quarantine: BBQs, drinking couple of beers inside and so on. His family members would pop in as if nothing, have dinner at ours (regular occurence before Quarantine, too), until one day I have had enough and basically threw everyone out of our house as it was getting ridiculous. Now I am a 'controling b' in his family's eyes. No matter how many times I have asked him not to go to these gatherings, I was ignored. This weekend we have all been invited to family member's b'day bbq. From what I know it could be more than 30 people from lots of different households. I have already said I am not going (once again, was accused of hating his family), DP is, of course, will be.
My question: do I report party to the Police?
All of his family thinks that Covid-19 is some sort of conspiracy and tell me they do not know anyone infected by it. Thankfully, I do not know anyone, too.
AIBU to think that gatherings should not be happening yet?

OP posts:

Bluesheep8 · 04/06/2020 15:34

Difficult one. If I were you, I wouldn't be doing any of it in order to protect myself and my family. But from what you say, your husband is going anyway. Technically, you should be telling him to stay there if he goes.

PrimalLass · 04/06/2020 15:35

He is not that kind of a man. Our relationship is strong

Except he has been selfishly bringing people into your house during a pandemic.

I could not stay with him.

Eckhart · 04/06/2020 15:39

Report. The fines aren't a conspiracy, so they'll deter even those who 'don't believe in COVID'.

Footywife · 04/06/2020 15:45

"for what I know it could be more than 30 people".

You don't know.

You need to keep out. This is more to do with your relationship than anything else and you need to deal with that instead of trying to get other people into trouble.

KangarooAtTheZoo · 04/06/2020 15:46

I would report them. They are being very selfish. I have not seen my family for 3 months now. Which is very difficult for my mother not being able to cuddle her grandson. Selfish people who think the rules don't apply to them will mean the lockdown could go on longer.

RainMustFall · 04/06/2020 15:50

Who are you going to report it to? The Stasi? The police will have zero interest in a barbecue in someone's garden, they are only concerned with large groups of people gathering in public areas.

Doesn't say much for your relationship if you want to tittle tattle on your DP and family

Pebblexox · 04/06/2020 15:54

I wouldn't report it. However I would ask that he stays with family, whilst he is so intent on visiting them against the law.

Noextremes2017 · 04/06/2020 16:02

Not another 'report' thread. Grow up.

highmarkingsnowbile · 04/06/2020 16:06

FFS. 'Concerned neighbour' my arse. They're not stupid, they're going to suspect it's you. And how strong is your relationship going to be when your partner asks you if you are the one who dobbed in his family? Are you going to tell him the truth or lie to him? This Stasi culture is ridiculous. Yes, YABU.

vanillandhoney · 04/06/2020 16:07

No.

Only because I absolutely hate this new culture of "telling" on people. It's horrible. It's like being back in primary school.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 04/06/2020 16:07

Doubt the police would attend anyway. They didnt often at the height of quarentine after a while, let alone now

Runbitchrun · 04/06/2020 16:09

I wouldn’t report it, but I wouldn’t be letting him back in the home if he chose to keep doing this either.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 04/06/2020 16:25

I don't know about reporting, but I'd be thinking about splitting up with him. How horrible to be 1. so dim and 2. so uncaring of you and your feelings.

Ginfordinner · 04/06/2020 16:25

This weekend we have all been invited to family member's b'day bbq.

Good luck with that. The forecast for where I live is 14 degrees and rain all day.

allthatmalarkey · 04/06/2020 16:27

What @MatildaTheCat says - he's entitled to his views, but not to break the law and he's putting you and your loved ones at risk.

I wouldn't report though. It's the right thing to do, but wrong for your relationship.

One the neighbours may want to report, but they'll face a dilemma too unless they don't care about upsetting your in-laws.

allthatmalarkey · 04/06/2020 16:28

And @Pebblexox - he shouldn't stay with you all when he's putting you at risk

Thinkingabout1t · 04/06/2020 16:32

you're in a relationship with someone who not only takes the opposite viewpoint and approach to you, but they have completely disregarded your views .... By going to the bbqs and then home with you, he is choosing to take the risk of bringing covid into your home

Exactly. He and his stupid family are increasing the risk to other people as well as themselves. What if despite keeping your distance you passed the virus on to your parents via the shopping? Could you live with this uncaring man if he caused your mother's or father's death? or if your DD was unlucky enough to get a serious case of Covid19?

I would honestly tell him either he moves out or you and DD will, if he insists on continuing his careless socialising.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 04/06/2020 16:32

YANBU to want to, but if you do your relationship is over.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/06/2020 16:32

Oh. Another one of those threads.

TiddlestheCat · 04/06/2020 16:33

Hmm. A tricky one. Do you think that, if they accused you of telling the police, you would effectively be able to lie straight to his face and get away with it? Would that lie ultimately damage your relationship with him? I think that I probably wouldn't report it, if I wished to continue a relationship with him. However, I would tell him that he will have to quarantine in the garden for a week afterwards in a tent. Of course, he probably doesn't appreciate lockdown in the same way if he has been out and about as a key worker. On the other hand, not only is he endangering his family, but also endangering the public too. His family don't sound very nice either and he appears to be choosing them over you. Do you have kids? If not, consider the long term picture of having s baby with him and his family walking in all the time/seeing you as a bitch and not having your back.

Jaxhog · 04/06/2020 16:41

Report them.

It's idiots like this who are the reason the death rate isn't falling and vulnerable people like me still can't go out.

Kinneddar · 04/06/2020 16:46

The police will have zero interest in a barbecue in someone's garden, they are only concerned with large groups of people gathering in public areas

Theyll definitely go up here. It's not just public areas that are being dealt with

OP you can report it anonymously. Theres a good chance if theres a lot of them going a neighbour will also report it.

Pebblexox · 04/06/2020 16:50

To begin with my husband didn't really take the whole thing serious. As keyworker, (not nhs) he has continued to work throughout this. However he did follow the guidelines, but then my daughter got poorly and he blamed himself for continuing to work. Obviously I didn't blame him, as we needed him to work.
But ask your partner how he would feel if made you, or one of your family members poorly. He may not see the risk, buts it there and you have to put yourself and your family first right now.

Topseyt · 04/06/2020 17:09

I wouldn’t report it. I really cannot get on board with the whole neighbours and families snitching on each other malarkey. Just don’t go if you don’t want to.

I wouldn’t be going, but then I dislike such gatherings and parties anyway and have no interest in them. They are my idea of hell on earth.

wildcherries · 04/06/2020 17:13

I wouldn’t report it. I really cannot get on board with the whole neighbours and families snitching on each other malarkey. Just don’t go if you don’t want to.

Agree with this. You have to weigh up what's more important to you. But I would try to speak to DP again.

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