to think my mother might actually ask how I was doing???

[sweetkitty]

I had a mc just over a month ago and my mother has been so unsuppotive it has been frightening, I phoned her up in a right state to tell her I thought I was losing the baby and that DP wasn't coping very well and she said "well maybe it's for the best then" she thought no3 was a "mistake" and that we couldn't have possibly been ttc. Anyway I had a mc confirmed and she never phoned for a few days to ask how I was or to ask if I needed an ERPC (I didn't) but I had a very rough few days having the mc and having 2 toddlers to look after (no mention was made of this) she said "if I had gone to hospital she would have heard about it"

No phonecall after the scan to check it was all gone, one message on my answerphone last Friday to tell me she was going away for the weekend, phoned me today to ask "where I was hiding" and to then bore me to tears with tales of her weekend. Never asks how am I doing? She hasn't seen the DDs for 6 weeks but says it's OK as long as she phones and knows we are all OK. Also said "your birthday card is still sitting here" my birthday was the 21st August.

Sorry rant over but sometimes it just really bloody gets to me. Could be here all night typing things she has said/done to me, last time I had a moan someone told me "at least you have a mum mine is dead"

god I am sorry sweetkitty
how are you doing?
you can drive yourself mad comparing your family to other families, or to what's normal

I am doing OK harpsi sorry for the total self indulgent rant, I am totally obsessed with ttc again I think as a way of taking my mind off it.

It just bloody gets to me when I ask friends what they are doing at the weekend and they say "DCs are going to their GPs" staying over taking them out etc and mine wouldn't even come and help me out for half a day when I was on the floor with the mc.

oh goodness you mustn't apologise for ranting
I know, it is hard. m/cs can be so incredibly draining in every way.
concentrating on ttc sounds like a rational response.
it is very sad when our parents aren't quite what we hope for. I can get very too, it is natural.
try to focus on the friends and support you have rather than the uselessness of your mother
sending love, HCxx

Poor you, this isn't thoughtful behaviour from your mum. Has she always been like this? Does she have her own pregnancy issues? Still, whatever her reasons she could definitely have been there for you more than she has been. I know it's really disappointing when mum's don't rally round - mine can do this at the weirdest moments and in my case I get a bit of a lonely feeling. Have you spoken to her today?

at whoever said that thing about their mum being dead! That kind of thing is very irritating.

mums not mum's

Yes she has always been like this unfortunately but at times like I have just had it really hammers it home. I have decided to make no effort with her and get on with my own life.

It's difficult not to hope they'll change though, I know. But focusing on more positive stuff is the only way to get over, if that's the right phrase. Probably more like, get through it. Bloody mothers.

I'm sorry for your loss sweetkitty .

MIL never sees us - literally never, has never met ds. It makes me so furious, for dh who hides it well but it torn up by his lack of relationship with her, but mainly for my ds. How dare she reject my gorgeous boy .

More fool your mum, for missing out on a close relationship with her grandkids and jeopardising her relationship with her daughter.

Oh, sweetheart

If anyone says similar about you having a rant again, I'll duff them up for you, OK?

Much love and a big hug from me xxx

sweetkitty, my mum was exactly the same, i dont know if you read it on the march thread? but in the end i exploded at her when she told me not to call it a baby call it a foetus! I felt guilty afterwards but sod it, never once asked are you ok.

Shes ok now though

Maybe try exploding lol

SK - you are fully entitled to vent your feelings to us, so don't worry about that. It's what we're here for after all.

I have a similar non-relationship with my dad. He called me on the day I went into A&E cos the m/c was so bad, and asked me, "So, are you over it yet then?"

When I was too shocked to answer his question, he proceeded to his usual 5 minutes of moaning about how ill he is and how crap his life has been since my mum left him (17 years ago - jeffing-well get over it man!!). I have accepted that I will never have a "normal" relationship with him and so really don't stress about him (my sisters think that this is appalling btw).

I'm so sorry that things are so bad with your mum. Do you have others around you that can step in and give you a break when you need it? I know it's not an exact replacement for RL support, but you have the love, support and best wishes of all of us on here. You can have a rant anytime mate.

sk, my immediate thought before reading your oppening post was maybe your mother doesnt know what to say for the best, doesnt want to mention in iscase she upsets you, but having ready her comments to you (i'm sorry) but i do think she has been very rude. Next time I would make a point of dropping into the conversation something like "i'm doing fine by the way mum".

So very sorry for your loss.

The last time she phone 2 weeks ago all she could talk about was my brothers new house which is fine I know he's excited about it after about 10 minutes of her going on I said "oh I'm fine btw" she said "oh I knew you were I would have gotten word if you weren't" eh from whom exactly.

I have raised all of this with her in the past (not the mc part) but the lack of caring/support/being a crap Gran she brushes it off and asks "do you want me up then?" no I want you to take an interest in your GC. It's maybe that she is waiting until I phone her and say I can't cope can you come and help me (she would probably say no). Then tells me how her friend whose DD has twin DSs is always babysitting/helping her out!

What also gets me is that to anyone else on the outside she bigs me up no end. My aunt has said oh your mum is so proud of you etc I'm like what??!!! She never compliments me and finds any excuse to pull me down (ie have I put on weight etc)

When I have tried to tell her about it she says "oh SK is off on one again" I know nothing is ever going to change with her now and I have kind of accepted it but it's hard as DP and I never get a break from the kids or any help.

Thanks for letting me rant it does make me feel better when other people say she is a rubbish mother as well, DP is fed up with me moaning about her x