To think I will never get over this anxiety

[Iusedtobecarmen]

I have truly awful driving anxiety.
It's affecting my life atm.
I'm a very inexperienced driver anyway and it's due to my anxiety that i cant build my experience and get better.
Hence I'm going round in circles(literally).
I passed my test over a year ago but didn't have a car for quite a while. Got a car and I was super excited at first ,but then i realised driving independently was way different and I felt like I knew nothing.
I do drive but it's a big build up every time.
I do a few short familiar routes which have minimal stressors. Even then it's not completely natural and I have to psych myself up.
Longer journies, well I literally think about it the night before .
It spoils the time prior to actually going out. My stomach is churning and I go over and over it in my head.
Once I've been out, the relief is enormous and I can relax that its over and i dont have to do it again.

As I said, I do use the car but it's no where as frequent as it should be and if I can avoid it i will ,or I will let DH drive.
I cant keep going on like this.
I'm on the waiting list for CBT but that could be a very long wait.

Yes you are being unreasonable.

I think every driver experiences anxiety to some extent. I know this is severe. I’ve been there.

My abusive ex used to scream at me for being a new driver and stalling etc etc. It went on for months and I was a nervous wreck. So much that I ended up turning down extra family lessons because I was losing sleep over it. Turns out the gearbox was on its way out and that’s why I kept stalling. Instead I got screamed at, called stupid, was at the wrath of his anger and off I can’t take a little stress whilst driving, I won’t ever be able to handle stress when I finally get a decent job and I’ll never make it in my career’

Turns out my ex was a knob and he was wrong. Turns out I was also wrong in thinking I’d be anxious on the road forever.

It takes time, but like riding a bike this will soon be engraved in your brain and you won’t even think about the actions of driving whilst you are driving. I love driving now, I love the freedom and feel skilled in it. It takes time but you’ll rock it.

If you can get a good friend to help to a few practice journeys with you for a while, this might help your confidence. Go easy on yourself too for any mistakes, it’s all a learning curve

I want to love it!! There are so many places and things that i want to do!
It's just easier to not do it. Driving literally ruins my day. If I haven't got any bed to drive (without making excusee), just genuinely don't need to, then I delighted.

Any need to drive*

I can't get a friend atm to help due to the covid situation.
Talking of covid this has kind of made it worse. I cant book refresher lessons even if I wanted to. And where I live everywhere that used to Have at least some quiet times actually Seems busier.

In my experience, it’s really hard to get over driving anxiety. You are driving a potential death machine after all.

Yes I understand. If you want to love it, you will do eventually ! You have time to build the experience up to learn to relax over it. You certainly aren’t the only one, hopefully that will make you that little bit more confident? Do you have any quiet country roads around you where you can find some time to Just let loose a little (Safely!!), with no other cars and less pressure?

I hated driving at first. I wasn’t expecting to feel that way. I always felt fairly confident when taking lessons, however, that first moment when I was in the car alone without my driving instructor, was terrifying. I remember being in tears just at the thought of going out to drive. But I made myself do it.

Honestly OP, you just need to take a deep breath and get in the car. Take smaller, familiar “practise” journeys. Stop letting your DH drive. Just do it. Your anxiety will cease with experience.

Could you try hypnotherapy? I had it for emetophobia and it didn’t work at all for me but one of the testimonials I read when choosing a therapist was from a man who was absolutely terrified of driving on motorways and supposedly hypnotherapy had cured him so might be worth a try.
It’s pricey though, I think I paid £100 a session for 6 weeks and it made zero difference to me. But I’ve heard good things from a lot of people

Maybe some refresher lessons?

You sound like you have totally worked yourself up into a highly destructive self-fulfilling prophecy.

You superficially say you want to love it, but everything else points to you "failing" at it. So when you inevitably fail, you can fulfil your "see, I am rubbish at it" self-determined fate.

Everything in life you do, you had to learn. Hell, even walking down the street took a lot of practice and that is a highly dangerous activity if you look at the accident stats. But you haven't built that up in the same way.

I don't have any quiet country roads by me as such, unless I was to 'drive out' so to speak.
I have been setting my alarm on weekends though for the past couple of weeks and going for a drive early.
This is fine
and I almost enjoy it. No pressure and I also go and practice parking as this is another worry of mine.
Trouble is, although this is all great practice it's also so very unlike real life driving situations.
I know driving anxiety is very common. I never thought I'd be like this though. I imagined I'd be crap at parking (spatial awareness bad)but driving wise fine.
I almost think about getting rid of the car as I was ok before I had it.
Today I've caught the bus to work.
And I'm already stressing as There is shopping I need a few errands next day or so.
Some of which I could do online/ask DH or walk to. All options seem preferable that the build up to a driving event.

I would coñsider hypnotherapy even if it cost a thousand pounds!! Never thought about that. I think I will see if the CBT works first.

Your weekend practice drives will stand you in good stead Op. I have terrible driving anxiety, the only thing that made it better was when I volunteered to do a weekly food delivery from a supermarket to a homeless shelter. Knowing that I couldn’t let anyone down made me really goal oriented and pragmatic about it.
Otherwise, just let yourself off the hook, I’ve always romanticised the idea of the open road and am gutted I find it so awful!

I had terrible driving anxiety to start with. I had some motorway lessons and took lots of short journeys at quiet times. Gradually built it up. It took quite a while. I’m now much more confident.

Yes I too romanticised about long drives on the open road in my car when in reality i barely use it.
I'm going to Try a few more weekend quiet trips. And maybe force myself to do little drives when I dont have to actually really drive if that makes sense.
There are a couple of shops i could.do with going to but they are routes I haven't driven which makes me feel.out of my depth.

I also have this strange kind if issue where I don't like to be out too long even if things are going ok, just in case they suddenly stop being ok . And I've pushed my luck!!for instance if I leave car in a supermarket car park. I almost can't wait to get back to it in case I've been blocked in. Even though I have parked in an unblockable place!!!
Like I need to know I can get away quick.